Fast Cars and Fast Lives – Chapter 38: Toyota Owners 400

#48: Alex Bowman, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro Ally

Sunday, April 18 – Richmond Raceway

“Good luck this weekend,” Alex says as he snacks on his Uncrustable while getting ready for that afternoon.

“Same to you buddy,” Alexa replies as she stands at the back of the crowd, keeping an eye on the latest run but not wanting to get too close for too much noise during the phone call. She had to find the secrets of the track, hence not wanting to totally take her eyes away. “We saw the speed and potential last weekend at Martinsville. While you keep saying you cannot drive these tracks properly, I believe in you.”

“I’d say the same to you, but we know that you know how to do this. Slide ‘em and smoke what you got as I expect a trophy when I get home. I hope you realize to the victor goes the spoils.” She couldn’t help but smile, as she was hoping to cash in and knew there was a good chance based on what she was seeing so far that day.

“I hope you’re prepared to deliver because I don’t plan on giving up this opportunity.” Alexa then hears her phone ping with a message, flipping to screen while being careful to not hang-up on Alex. “Well, that was strange….”

“What happened?” She could hear the intensity and worry in Alex’s voice immediately, as he had picked up on the tone of her voice. Certainly distance wasn’t always their best friend.

“My mom just sent me a good luck wish. She never has ever in my life sent me a good luck wish.” Alex couldn’t help but smile a little, remembering the conversations that were had and the positives, despite so much frustration afterwards all the time. He also remembered the additional messages they had left since the last meeting.

“Maybe she’s starting to come around and understand after your conversation.” Alexa laughed immediately, knowing that was practically impossible. If her mother hadn’t believed in her to this point, why now?

“Or maybe she’s afraid that she’s totally going to lose her daughter for good if she doesn’t fake some crap along the way so here she is. The best part is, though, I see through her fake cra-”

“Don’t be so quick to judge, though. You told me you saw a softer side. The same goes both ways, Alexa.” As she had all along, she appreciated his commentary and opinion. However, she had been living this life since being born and knew better.

“I allow her in, I open back up, and then boom – she slams the door even more shut than before and hurts me harder. I can’t keep doing it over and over, Alex…” Alex felt the emotion in those words, remembering the tears in her eyes at times, frustration from her every time they spoke of her mother. He wanted to balance it, but he also knew no progress would get them nowhere.

“You need to tell her that the next time you see her, so she knows and understands. If perhaps you both communicate more, something positive will happen.” Seeing Kelsey motioning for him to come her way, he knew that making this conversation any longer would not the best start to his deal. “Listen, I got to go so we’ll talk later, but don’t let this eat at you too much, don’t be so negative about it, and also focus on the task at hand today. We know you can get the job done so do it.”

Not being able to see each other and continue conversations had put a pause on the Elliott family reunion, as Samantha and Chase had been unable to make the trip to Georgia as they had originally intended.

“Do you know if Samantha is busy this week?” Chase asked Ryan as he caught up with him on the grid. Chase had wanted to get this moving along, as he felt guilty each time he saw his parents with this secret on his chest, even if he knew finding all the answers before divulging was the best course of action.

“I think she mentioned a client meeting on Monday and Thursd-” Ryan starts, though wondered why Chase was asking him. Didn’t they have each other number’s by now?

“Great. I am going to probably snag her away for the trip to Georgia on Tuesday afternoon once I am done my morning stuff at Hendrick. I already asked for the doctor’s availability and he is available during that time. Oh, and if you hear anything about your girlfriend and seeing a pregnancy doctor, I apolog-”

“What the hell is going on here?” Perhaps it was a good reason that Chase was asking Ryan about things, as Ryan felt very caught off-guard by everything he was being asked.

“I told him that I was setting up the meeting as I had a friend, Samantha, who had some questions about pregnancy and the process, and possibly finding an OBGYN for the future. I didn’t want to straight out set-up the meeting by saying this girl is the mastermind behind messed up pregnancy situations.” Ryan lets out a sigh, feeling a little relived, and to be honest, he didn’t blame Chase for the approach as he knew anyone involved in these situations typically tried to erase any evidence and connection.

“I’ll totally play along, man. I guess that’s the first step in being your future brother-in-law.” Chase’s jaw dropped with surprise in hearing Ryan say it, but it was just one of those things he was going to have get used to hearing.

“Pretty crazy how my best friend has been dating my sister for these years right under my nose without me knowing. Least I know there’s a good judge in character on both sides.” Ryan nodded his head, as it certainly added a comfort factor in decisions moving forward with Samantha.

“Just wait until we’re both related to Noah.” Chase couldn’t think of how to wrap his thoughts around that quite yet, shaking his head as Noah was certainly a mixed bag at times. However, so far, he could not complain about how he was treating Emily.

“If the truth was out in the open, Paige probably would’ve had Samantha doing full background checks and spies on the poor kid.” Ryan nods his head, not surprised that hadn’t happened already with how close the girls were.

“Have you told Paige?” Chase shakes his head no as now it was Ryan’s turn to be surprised. “Like I keep telling you and Samantha, I don’t want anyone to know until I have all the facts on the table because there’s going to be a lot of disbelief and questio-”

“I get your parents being that way, having been lied to and played. But Paige, that’s a different angle there bud. I think she’d be fully supportive, and it’d really close this circle so we could all talk about this properly, instead of trying to play secrets. I actually think Samantha would love for Paige to know so she’d have someone else to lean on that actually knows everything and everybody. How is it fair you get that opportunity but she doesn’t?” Chase takes a deep breath, as he glances back to where he knew the girls were going to be sitting that night.

“I guess there’s no harm in that….”

While the girls were at the track, Emily was unfortunately the one that was left behind.

The doctors had been able to run the additional tests necessary, determining it was a combination of arthritis and her vitamin D being low causing everything.

There was a lot of relief in knowing the cause, knowing that she could easily get better with the right care and steps in place. However, there was frustration in waiting for the process to begin helping her get better. Sure, she wasn’t as tired as she was, but she still had some rough days and was certainly not moving around as she hoped. She also knew the more weeks away from school, the further she got behind and less likely to be on the road to graduation as intended.

Thankfully, she wasn’t alone as Noah had been able to stay home due to the Xfinity Series being off. While not able to do much sucked, his company absolutely made it better and easier to deal with.

He was always cracking jokes to make her feel better. He was willing to do any errands or get anything that she needed. He also offered kisses and the cuddles as warranted to make the days easier to handle.

“If I had to bet, you’re cheering for your sister’s boyfriend today,” Noah comments as they get comfortable to watch the race from Richmond.

“It’s so weird how we both decide to date drivers with the same number,” Emily offers, to which Noah only chuckles back in response, though admittedly agreeing. “And actually, I got to tip my hat to Alex this weekend. I think the improvement he showed at Martinsville, combined with Greg doing what they need, is going to put that No. 48 in victory lane.”

“I’d have no complaints with that, but I’d rather him finish second to Joey.” Emily immediately sticks her tongue out with a big shake of the head no, as Noah just smiles. He felt confident in his choice, given Logano’s short track knowhow and Penske’s history there.

“Don’t let anyone who lives in this house hear you say that, or you’ll be hung upside down in the middle of town.” Noah knew the reference, having made the trip up to Georgia to spend the weekend with Emily as she was living at Paige and Chase’s place right now. Until she was feeling better, she knew there was no way of convincing her sister to allow her to do differently and it actually felt good to be close to family for a bit.

“Are they still mad at Denny Hamlin?” Emily nods her head, having remembered the comments spewed in each trip that she made to town in the weeks that followed after Martinsville that year. “They certainly call him the Golden Boy for a reason.”

“He may be Mr. Popular and all that to everyone, but the side of him that I’ve gotten to know from Paige, is total sweetheart, down to earth, simple, just doing his own thing. You would never believe he was this big shot if you didn’t know it.” Noah smiles with a nod, having witnessed that himself in the interactions they had shared together.

It seemed the conversation between Emily and Noah was right on point, though, as Alex found his way to the front despite starting deep in the field. While Denny dominated and Joey led some laps, Emily’s prediction was right on-point as Alex made the right move on the final restart to take the lead, and cruised away en route to scoring the victory.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the perfect day as Alex had envisioned for Alexa, as she came up one spot shy of scoring the victory in her drifting event, over sliding a couple corners. However, you wouldn’t been able to tell by their faces later that night when they reunited that it wasn’t the perfect day, as both held big smiles and kisses for the other in celebration of Alex’s achievement.

“I told you that you just needed to be confident!” Alexa tells him as she wraps both arms around him. “And I guess that means you get all the spoils tonight.”

“Then why are we still standing here?” Alex questions as he allows her to push him back against the closet door, lips clashing together as her arms find their way around his waist.

“Because I don’t know if I can my hands off you long enough to get up those stairs.” She then allows her tongue to run down his bare arm as she slips her fingers underneath the waistband of his shorts, pulling them loose and causing them to fall to the floor.

“Someone is in a hurry tonight..” She then grabs onto the bulge in his shorts, causing it to grow in size and harden instantly, with a moan escaping his lips.

“I think something else may agree with me.” She then runs her tongue along the waistband where his boxers were, before pulling them down and letting them fall to his ankles.

“Alexa….” His voice was dark and horse, every emotion and want and cry coming out as he pleaded with her name.

“Do you want something, Alex?” He nods his head as she lets just the tip of her tongue touch his bare cock for a mere second. “You know what to say.”

“Please Alexa, please baby girl…” She then takes him fully into her mouth, allowing his cock to touch every inch of her mouth and down her throat a little, before pulling back. She then brings herself close once again, this time beginning to suck ever so slightly. “Damn girl, stop teasing….”

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 24: The Completely Tired Appearance

#9: Chase Elliott, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro NAPA Auto Parts

Alex’s POV

Sunday June 6, 2021 – Sonoma Raceway

I was standing further away from him than I wanted, but there was just something about his appearance on pit road – totally drained, just wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. It seemed to carry over to his post-race media detail from what I gathered, completely skipping the bullpen and just having that look at a glance at the video from the media room.

My heart couldn’t help but care and want to reach out, with my arms wanting to wrap around him and hold, just help him in whatever way I could – the same caring that I had grown used to over those months and now seemingly disappeared. I thought the truth coming out, followed by our confessions would’ve done something different.

“Hey, are you okay?” I ask him as we finally cross paths following the event – him leaving victory lane having congratulated Kyle, me heading that way. It was so weird to telling Kyle these words as I expected to be doing it all year to Chase after last year’s road course domination.

“Yeah,” he answers without a pause. Perhaps I was overthinking this, but I couldn’t help but allow my hand to touch his arm and get his attention.

“Are you sure, man? You just look completely tired, not wanting any part of this, upset.” Again, when it came to Chase, I couldn’t help but be a little over worrying sometimes and honest.

“I’m fine, just tired from a long hot day of battling, ready to head home and relax. The sooner I get everything done, the sooner I can get out of here..” I felt what he was saying as to be honest, hot weather and a winding road never made for an easy day in the office. I could probably use a cold shower, and a cold beer after the adventure I took to get here. But I was used to seeing that on Chase; this just seemed different.

“Any particular reason you want to get out of here quickly?” I know I shouldn’t ask, but damn, something was going on.

“Like I said, I’m tired and the sooner I get home, the sooner I can relax.” Truth be told, his response didn’t surprise me. I mean, this was Chase for you. He flew in for the race, did what he needed to do, and headed home. Meanwhile, a bunch of us – like myself – would come out here early, hang out and have some fun, before racing and heading home. I almost invited him out with us but didn’t want to overstep. “Alex, why the sudden questions?”

“I’m just worried about you. I haven’t seen you much over the past couple of weeks and I hate that, to be honest. I’d gotten used to our conversations. I thought things were going to grow after our confession. Did something change last week?” It probably did because after all, I made a couple stupid comments along the way – or I could be right and this was his way of hiding the Ryan fact from me. Either way, I know I said too much again here but damn it, I can’t help it. Is that a crime?

“Nothing changed, Alex. I still feel the same way about you as I did before. I still feel the same way about Ryan and what happened. I guess I’m just afraid to move forward with you because I don’t want to be hurt agai-”

“I told you that I would never hur-”

“I know what you said, and damn it, I believe you entirely. I fully believe every ounce of what you told me. But I don’t know, I just can’t dive right in. I guess I need time to catch my breath and be ready so that way I do this right with you. I don’t want to dive in and hurt you, or do the wrong thing.” I understood his words – been there, knew the feelings, and fully got what he meant. However, it didn’t make the distance and waiting any easier.

“When the time is right, will you let me know that exact second?” The chuckle and smile that followed on his face was all that I needed to hear.

“Alex, I kissed you. That should say something. You don’t have to worry – I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” The kiss was certainly something that I’d never forget, as a simple reminder brought a smile back to face – and my heart ached at the same time wishing for more of the same.

“I’ll hold you to that…”

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 23: COTA

#9: Chase Elliott, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro LLumar

Alex’s POV

Sunday, May 23 – Circuit of the Americas

Seeing the big wide smile on his face, I could only share one of my own.

Was anybody really surprised that Chase Elliott won at COTA?

Sure, nobody wanted to win a race that was rain shortened. But let’s face it – he was the master of road courses after and he had driven away from the field at the end of the day with some of the quickest lap times.

He was also the same damn reason why I had ran so well today. He shared some tips during the meeting together, as well as additional tricks in the time we spent afterwards. Listening to him, I had managed to stay with the field and run inside the top-10, even when I couldn’t see a damn thing down the backstretch. Maybe that’s why I ran well – partial craziness.

He was also the reason why all four of us teammates were good here. He has continued to push our road course program to be stronger with his feedback. He tested here on behalf of Goodyear and shared all the data gained.

But all that wasn’t the main thought on my mind right now. No, the thought I had was he just won, and he deserves to be celebrated – even if others wanted to say this was a gift for him.

So upon completing my post-race obligations – debrief, interview, a little hydration and snack, I knew I had to go find him to say what I had to say. I mean, he visited victory lane for me and truthfully, that was maybe the most – okay, one of the top-five memorable moments of the celebration when he laid the peck on my cheek.

Though as I reached where he was, I couldn’t help but stop in my tracks in seeing the sight before me.

It was just weeks ago that it was revealed what he had done. It was just weeks ago that only anger and sadness was what Chase could think of. It was just days ago that he had mentioned working on trusting him just as a friend once again. But yet, here he was, standing right besides, and all the images would look like nothing had even changed.

“Congratulations,” I hear Ryan say which is typical of any driver, right? I mean, okay, maybe it’s just the jealousy or anger at him in what he could possibly do seething through.

“Thanks man,” Chase replies, and I hope he’s just enjoying the moment due to his own excitement over winning. Maybe that’s why it wasn’t the super tightest hug.

“Thanks for letting me come over last night. I really appreciated that.” Wait, what? Did he just say what I think he said? Considering how upset and angry Chase was, he allowed that man to step foot into his motorhome last night? What did they do? Why did I care so damn much?

“Any time man. I wouldn’t have wanted you to miss it.” Think Alex, think Alex. There has to be a reasonable explanation – oh yes, Dave won the World of Outlaws. Maybe Ryan had stream issues as it has happened to me before. That would explain it. They just sat and watched TV – but what if more happened? I mean, they do have quite the history together.

“Hope we can spend some more time together, again. I miss you…” Okay, that sounds like more happened. I wonder if the race and stream issues excuse was the front to open the door, and then feelings took over – you know, he just fell on him like his lips fell on Isabelle.

“I miss what we had, too..” That sounds a lot more forgiving and willing to possibly take a chance then move forward. What if what he told me was a total lie? What if he just fed that to me in the moment, but in reality this will be my future again moving forward?

“Maybe one day, Chase. I know I have to earn your respect back and like I told you, I’m truly sorry for what I did.” I watch as Ryan walks away with those words, and now my mind is so confused and wondering.

If something clearly happened more than intended, why would there be such sincere apologies? Why would they have the distance at the end, the same which has been felt from the beginning?

Then again, why would something even happen? Chase told me how angry he was. He told me he couldn’t open that door, due to what Kaitlyn had done before, due to knowing the pain. He wouldn’t allow himself to repeat past mistakes, would he?

“Alex?” His voice snaps me out of my thoughts as I look into those eyes, trying to read every question that I am asking myself out of them. “Are you okay?”

“Of course – you won!” I immediately let out, trying to cover everything immediately. There was no way I could let him know what I just saw, and thought for that matter. Sure, a couple words would clarify everything, but what if the ruined the dream bubble that I was in?

“I know you’re happy for me, and that’s why you came to see me, but I can also tell that something is on your mind.” How was it humanly possible that someone could read you so quickly and easily, even if you weren’t super super close yet?

“I saw you and Ryan just now. It made me wonder as to what happened last night, and what’s to come, and how affects us.” I had never lied to him, and I couldn’t do that now. If I was going to down, I would do so swinging and truthfully.

“Do you seriously believe that I would go back to him so quickly? Do you seriously believe that I’d just forget the hell we’ve gone through for months due to his damn lies? Do you seriously believe I am ready to be played again? Gosh Alex, it seems every time I try to let you in, you question every single motive – whether I’m doing it due to feelings that aren’t right, or due to Ryan.” He was right, as it seemed every moment I was worried so far. Why couldn’t I just be like Clint and others and just live in the moment?

“I guess because I’ve been hurt before and I’m scared of being hurt again. Like I told you, I’ve never done this before, but these feelings and connection I have for you are just so strong. That’s what makes me want to try so hard, but yet so scared that I am seeing something that’s not there or I am going to be hurt.” We were supposed to be celebrating, not having a confession of emotions. Why had this turned into the Alex pity show?

“Alex, I can promise you this – I will never hurt you, ever. I’m actually glad that you’re here as I wouldn’t want to celebrate a win with anybody else.” I couldn’t help but smile. If I ever needed to hear something, those were the words that I needed.

“I’m glad, because I look forward to celebrating more wins with you in the future.”

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 21: The Pet Monster

#48: Alex Bowman, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro Ally

Alex’s POV

Sunday, May 16 – Dover International Speedway

I laughed when William said that it’d be nice to have a pet monster, but now here he stood in victory lane, right beside me, and was coming home with me. It was surreal, when you consider everything today.

The No. 48 is used to dominating here. I’ve ran decent here, but nothing that you’d want to write a book about. However, today, there was just something special in the air after that pit stop, where I had every bit of confidence I could drive away to victory. Now, here I stood with my new best friend.

Though perhaps what was more surprising was the realization that not only Kyle finished behind me, but followed by Chase and William. It’s one thing to be fast, its one thing to dominate, but it’s another for everything to fall perfectly in-place for a 1-2-3-4. Folks, this is a special time to be alive so you better live it up.

I feel a cold liquid trickle down my neck, causing me to jump out of my skin – almost afraid that I was about to knock off Miles to his death. The usual congratulatory message you’d expect from your competitors. Though as I turn around to face the latest visitor, I couldn’t hide the smile on my face.

“Congratulations,” he says, offering a high-five. For a moment, I was expecting more, especially after our conversation on Wednesday. I began to wonder what he thought about my words, whether they affected what he was going to do next, or whether I’d kissed every chance with him away.

“Thank you,” I reply, easily offering it back in return. That gesture made everything the past couple weeks feel like nothing. Didn’t I at least deserve a hug? “Nice run there. It won’t be long before you’re celebrating a win, too.”

“I hope you stop by and say hello.” Remember what I said before? Ignore that and forget it, every bit of flirting and fun was coming back just with those words.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” and I mean that as I was hoping it was the first of many moments together.

“So, what are you planning to do with Miles?” I glanced over at the monster, still unsure. Most of my trophies found their way to the shop up on a shelf, but there was something special about this guy. “He actually is okay to bring in the house. I heard he’s a well-behaved monster, as long as Finn and Roscoe leave him alone.”

“Did Fletch leave yours alone?” I couldn’t help but wonder as we both understood as dog owners – they sometimes do some real strange things.

“Didn’t even flinch, actually. But then again, as long as he rubs and a ball, he’s a happy character. So, what’s the celebratory plan tonight?” I couldn’t help but smirk, even daydream a little. Too soon Alex, way too soon.

“Drinks with friends, nothing special as of right now. Maybe you could join me.” I almost didn’t say those last five words, but I wanted him to understand just how open I was about getting closer – even if there were nerves about aspects along the way. I wanted to assure him the door never closed.

“I’m fine with that, as long as you have a place for me to sleep afterwards.” There are many places – stop Alex, you haven’t even gotten to touching so how could you say that already?

“There’s always room for you at the Bowman Inn.” I should’ve just said there’s always room, but no, I had to go add extra words that made me want to throw up afterwards. What if he took it the wrong way?

“I know, and as I told you, I look forward to it…”

I then feel his breath closer to my cheek, like just bare inches away. I knew he was kneeling in, I knew he was closing the slim gap between us. I wanted to run, scared of what was to come, but yet frozen because I was indisbelief.

What this really happening?

I feel his skin touch mine – for the record, it is as soft as I envisioned, but the hairs on his face certainly tickle a little. I feel those lips, so smooth that it’s even better than I imagine. I feel them against my cheek, ever so slightly and lightly, a slight peck before it’s over – just like that instantly.

Did he really just kiss me? Was this really happening?

“I’ll see you later, Alex,” he tells me before leaving victory lane just like that.

I could only stare there frozen, stuck in thought. Part of me wondered if I dreamed the entire sequence. The other part of me elated in the simple feeling, but yet surprised in how quickly he drew back away.

I remembered his words. He was nervous about continuing to open his heart to only be shattered. He was nervous about the fact that I was nervous in never doing this before.

However, we both knew it without saying – actually, we had finally said it. There had been feelings there for awhile, and now it was our chance to see if we wanted what was of those.

So what was that? Was that a test? Was that a flirt move? What was going to happen the next time we saw each other? Why was he being such a tease, anyway?

“Earth to Bowman!” I hear my PR lady yell, catching me right off-guard as I almost knocked off Miles for the second time today. “Are we done with any photo requests?”

“Yeah,” I answer back, barely comprehending her words as my mind continued to swirl around. The only stopping me from still allowing myself to be lost was hearing my phone go off, and his name on it catching my attention.

 Your skin felt good. You earned that kiss today. I want to show you, love you, and trust you – I hope you’re willing to be patient.

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 20: The Apprehensions

#48: Alex Bowman, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro Ally Throwback

Alex’s POV

Wednesday, May 12 – Charlotte, North Carolina

“Here’s to another good weekend for everybody,” Kyle Larson says as we finish up their pre-Dover Speedway meeting after going over everything. That wasn’t always my best track, but I felt confident based on the direction we were all heading together this year.

“We could use a pet monster,” William Byron adds, to which I couldn’t argue. Miles was certainly the most unique trophy in motorsports.

I stand up, ready to head out, knowing I wanted to stop by and see Greg to over a couple finer details that we touched upon. It was certainly nice to be back in the shop this season, as nothing beat a walk through seeing the cars worked on up close.

“Hey, can we talk?” His voice instantly stops my thoughts as I look back towards him. Considering we had nothing competitive to speak of, I was surprised he wanted to have this type of conversation at our workplace. That probably wasn’t recommended if we were keeping this secret.

“Absolutely,” I answer back in response, against all better judgment. I didn’t want to give off the wrong idea by denying a conversation. We had made progress and promises that I wasn’t about to backtrack on.

“There’s something that I need to know before, and if we choose to move forward,” which caused my breath to hitch in my throat. This felt like the final negotiation period of a contract, where the other person wants to throw you a curveball in hopes that it doesn’t end everything but wasn’t originally intended. What could be on his mind? “Have you ever done anything like this before?”

“No,” which was probably why I was all over the place with my feelings, whether they were genuine, whether I could truly follow through with this, whether this was a reality or not. I hope it didn’t scare him away as I did want to explore, just because of the tingly sensation I get every time I see him, but I also knew there was risk involved.

“I’m not surprised…” Were my nerves that obvious, or was he doubting every bit of what I was saying? I didn’t want this to be over before it began.

“To be honest, I never thought I could feel anything like this. I never thought I would feel anything like this. It actually doesn’t happen – except for you, and it’s been there for a long as I’ve told you from the beginning. That’s why I’m so nervous, but yet curious at the same time about what could be there. I hope that doesn’t change your mind,” because I don’t know if I could honestly stand straight up rejection for that reason right now.

“I never thought it was possible, either, until Ryan and I were joking around one night. One thing turned into another, and he spit out that he noticed something in me, and wanted to try something. I went along with it – maybe blame the whiskey at first, but the kiss on the cheek just felt right. We went along from there, and as they say – the rest is history, right?” I was always curious how those things happen – how a simple game or drink turns into confession of feelings you never thought possible.

“How could you tell?” Curiosity got the best of me as I never expected this conversation.

“I can tell when you’re nervous, Alex. You can fool the rest of the world but I see you biting the edge of your lip as you contemplate every scenario.” I didn’t even realize I did that when I was nervous. “If I’m being honest, my eyes seem to stare even more when you do that because I wonder and ask many questions about those lips to myself.”

“Maybe I can help you in answering them…” Okay, I didn’t mean to say that out loud, but oh well – no way I am taking that back now.

“Like I told you – I wouldn’t mind this either and Alex, it’s okay to be nervous. I can assure you that I will make sure you are comfortable the whole way, and you can tell me any time when things are going too fast, or you want them to stop. I actually am ready for you to be my student.”

My heart was pacing faster than my breath could keep up, and my brain could barely comprehend what was happening here. Is this reality? Damn it Alex, you better not be dreaming!

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 19: The Photoshoot

Alex’s POV

Tuesday, May 11 – NASCAR on NBC Production Shoot

“I saw you watching…”

Those words send a chill up my spine, almost sending my phone flying out of my hands, as I glance back with a smile in seeing him standing there so close.

That wasn’t a lie, by the way. I was certainly watching as he was going through the different poses they required for their photoshoot. I was certainly allowing my eyes to trace over every feature. I began to let myself wonder, ponder, and question whether and if a future was there – and whether that was what I wanted as Sunday’s words replayed over and over in my mind.

“Alex Bowman, are you going to admit to checking me out?” He questions, to which I finally allow my eyes to look into his. I never realized how much they sparkled as much as they are right now. I could certainly get used to sharing banter back and forth with him.

“Is that a problem?” I question back in response, almost regretting it immediately. What if I was going over the lien here? What if it was too soon for this step? “I told you how I felt and I stand by those words.”

“I know. I remember hearing you say them. It was refreshing to hear that for the first time, to hear you admit how much you care about me.” I thought I had done that through being there, holding him, offering comfort, each of the steps taken to get to this point. But of course, he’d be in pain and as he said, you can only open your heart so much before you stop doing so in fear of it being stomped on.

“I can repeat those words as many times as you need to hear them, if necessary. I can tell you other times where you’ve caught my attention, and I’ve just stared at you, scared you were watching but unable to look away. There’s always been something special about you, Chase, and I don’t want that to change.” I also knew more than anything, the more time we spent together this close, the more teasing, the more I wanted to get to know that side of him just for myself.

“Then perhaps we should spend some more time together.” Was that code for what I was thinking – or was I just jumping to conclusions because of how badly my body wanted it from all this teasing?

“I think I would enjoy that, actually,” no matter what extent because let’s face it, our friendship was great at its value. If more came from that? Hell yeah, I’ll all for it and seeing where things go. The best scenario would perhaps allow all of the feelings to develop, to be explored, and enjoyed. I know it was risk, too, as there could be pain to come in doing so, but the risk was worth the potential reward.

“Perhaps one of those times could be me getting to drive your truck finally.”  Now I had to wonder if he was playing me to get his hands on my toys. I mean, you heard about people doing whatever it took for a racecar ride. What if this was another form of that?

“Are you trying to take advantage of me for my truck?” It actually sounded corny and flirty in asking that in response, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

“There could be very big advantages to this deal, Bowman, for us both..” He then brings his lips even closer to neck, sending a chill up my spine as I feel his breath in my ear. “You may be allowed into that closet of love…”

Excuse me, but where is the closest bathroom? Better yet, does that bathroom have a shower facility for ensuring you are nice and clean? Every part of my skin was clean, but damn I could use that cold shower right now.

Though before I could respond, I feel his lips lightly brush across my neck, before disappearing in the distance.

Breathe Alex, breathe. Holy crap, did that just happen? Breathe Alex…

My heart and head felt like it was spinning out of control, with so many demands and questions.

Did he just do what he think he did? What did that mean moving forward? Was this really happening? Why did my body cringe for more kisses? Where did he go? Did he really mean everything, or were be back at everything with potential regrets? Were those feelings actually true, for both of us? Was I sensing something I didn’t understand because something was there?

Either way, where was that damn cold shower? Why was I stuck here for another couple hours? Everybody was going to see it all over me and know something was up – I could already feel it as the feelings just flew through my system. Was that part of his plan?

In that moment, I had totally forgotten about my phone in my hand, until it buzzed with his name lighting up on the screen.

I’ll see you later, Alex. Your skin tastes amazing.

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 18: The Initial Feelings

#48: Alex Bowman, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro Ally Throwback

Alex’s POV

Sunday, May 9 – Darlington Raceway

It’d been a long day. Any day at Darlington Raceway was a long day, but this package just seemed to make it even more longer than normal. It also doesn’t help when you don’t have a car you feel you can do anything with to be remotely competitive, and it breaks your heart due to the special meaning of the wrap on the car.

It’s why we were both looking for some relaxation, something to put our minds on a different path. It’s why instead of immediately jetting back home, the pair of us found ourselves sitting in my motorcoach, trading conversation. Nothing serious, just notes on the day and ways to be better.

Probably more than anything, it was nice to just enjoy his company without worry of something else going on.

“Alex, can I tell you something?” He breaks the trend of conversation, causing a lump to form in my throat immediately. So much for that nice relaxation without extra worries of stuff going on. Why couldn’t things stay simple with us?

“Go on,” I instruct, because I wasn’t about to not allow him to get those feelings on the table. That was something we never did in this friendship.

“I remember a night when I was in the shop. You and Greg were working on something. I saw you – leaning over the car, getting your hands dirty, and I couldn’t help but stop and stare.”

I take a deep breath as his words sounded so familiar. It only happened a couple times a year, but I loved to get my hands dirty with my racecar. I knew it was frowned upon in this business, but there was nothing like working on your racecar and doing the work yourself.

Greg understood me. He was a car guy just like me. He came up racing his own equipment, working on it to get better. He understood where I was coming from, and the odd night where others weren’t around, it just seemed we’d connect and work together.

I guess that night we just weren’t alone as I thought. I even began to wonder what he was doing there so late. What time did he end up staying behind?

“I was mesmerized by your work ethic. I was mesmerized by how you got your hands dirty. Every feature just caught my eye – actually, somewhat happened the first day I laid eyes on you. I couldn’t look away from those eyes, or your lips, wondering what they tasted like. I began to wonder…”

My breathe was caught in my throat as I allowed each of his words to hit one by one, knowing the same feeling all too well. It was why I found myself watching him more so than any of my other teammates, or any other man in my life. It was why I found myself staring at his face, feeling so uncomfortable in wondering what those lips tasted like in return.

To hear that all began the first day we met was on one hand reassuring as the butterflies began early for me, but also even more dying curious.

“Now I realize, I don’t need to wonder anymore. Some things happen for a reason. I think I felt obligated to Ryan before. Now, I’m free to explore – feelings, life, everything. Perhaps these feelings for you.”

Just like the other night, my body longed for his touch, for those questions to be answered – no matter how much I couldn’t describe the feeling to any person alive.

But damn it Alex, you have to bring yourself back to reality. Remember what has been going on this year. Remember what brought you both together. Remember it wasn’t long ago the truth came out. What if there was more to his words here?

“Chase, can I ask you something?” I force myself to ask in return, ignoring the urges and heart right now. You can damn well care without reaching for him, Alex.

“Of course,” he replies which didn’t surprise me one bit.

“You came to me searching for love because you were lonely. You kept telling me you wouldn’t regret it. Is that what you’re doing, trying to convince me another way?”It felt like a slap in the face to our honesty and relationship – if that’s what you call it right now, but I kept having flashbacks to that night.

“Seriously?” Yep, I have screwed everything up. If I believed I had a chance, there it goes….

“I’m just askin-“

“Are you fucking kidding me, Alex? I thought after everything you’d understand.” Isn’t that why I am asking the question to begin with – because I understand the pain that he is dealing with, and know what it’s like to be there?

“I do, but there’s certain things I will not allow myself to do.” In truthfulness, I would probably fully enjoy it and it’d fulfill this weird need that I felt I needed to. However, I knew I may regret – scratch that, I probably wouldn’t it. But what if he did? Yeah, we’ll go with that reason.

“If you’re not interested, then just tell me. Don’t feed me this-” Okay, there’s a line that he needed to understand because if I listened to my heart and dick right now, my hands would already be wrapped around him.

“I didn’t say that! I meant just fulfilling some need.” I almost bit my tongue again, but it was something to be asked. That’s why I kept thinking about the other night and regrets, right?

“I’ve been played before. I know what it feels like. Do you really seriously think I’d do that to you, especially after everything?” There was a saying that fit right now – something about not thinking clearly when you were in pain or angry. Isn’t that normally how it goes in those romance movies? They sleep together and say it’s okay, but then regret it later when they realize they did it to mask other feelings.

“Probably not, but I can’t help but wonder,” considering I still didn’t know where he fully stood with regards to me, Ryan, and Isabelle. Sure, we’ve talked about it. They broke up, and he was a mix of emotions. But where was he right now on that trail, and how did that connect to tonight?

“Is this what it’s going to be like forever? You always questioning whether I mean it, or whether it’s just because of Ryan? If that’s the case, let me know now so I can save my breath.” This is absolutely not what I wanted. I wanted to establish a line of what I’d do and not do, ensuring I protected both of our hearts along the way, but not create distance that could not be overcome. Damn it! I didn’t want to lose him!

“Chase, I didn’t mean it like that…” I hope he forgave me. It wasn’t like I did anything absolutely wrong – or did I? Damn it, Alex! Why do you got to mess up everything all the time?

“You know, there’s a side to me that nobody knows – nobody would ever guess. A side that loves very passionately…” He was still sharing his inner secrets and feelings. That had to be mean something, right? The door wasn’t totally shut and I wasn’t about to give him an opportunity to do so.

“I want to get to know that side of you,” and trust me, I am willing to beg if necessary.

“I want you too, as well.” Compared to the stories before, random requests, that felt genuine as we locked eyes in that moment. It’s like we could see through each other, know every feeling, and know a future could easily be there for us. Maybe I should’ve just kept my mouth shut at the beginning and listened to my damn heart.

“Will you let me in then?” I almost didn’t say it – my brain once again questioning motives, feelings, nothing being natural about what was going on here. However, there was no way I was going to take it back once it was out there.

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

Then why did you damn well offer the story, open the door to something? He accused me of toying with him, but it feels like he’s doing the same damn thing in return.

“You can only wear your heart on your sleeve, show all your cards so many times, and get your heart stomped on so many times, before you stop believing….”

I had said those words initially out of fear of trying to erase or ease feelings, when in return, he was bearing everything, showing how much he cared about me, and how he appreciated me being here.

Instead of accepting the open door, I had slammed it shut quicker in his face than anyone could imagine. Now, was there any way to get him to unlock those locks one more time?

“I wish you could show me,” I tell him, allowing myself to look into his eyes. I had to allow him another glimpse into me. I had to allow him to see that I was being genuine, meant every word, and wanted this as badly as he did. “I want to know that side of you, and I can promise you that I’ll cherish it – and won’t take advantage of you, ever, Chase.”

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 16: The Return

Chase’s POV

Monday, May 3 – Dawsonville, Georgia

Knock. Who is at my door and why?

Knock. Seriously, who is there? Did I forget about invite – no, I hadn’t because that was why he was over tonight. We were spending some more time together, talking, enjoying each other’s company, a distraction from everything that maybe could turn into something more.

“Who is that?” He questions me, resulting in a groan. I was hoping he wouldn’t notice, we could ignore together and they’d go away.

“I don’t know,” I reply back, because truthfully, I didn’t know.

Knock. Are you kidding me? If I haven’t answered by now, do you really think I am going to answer? Can they just go away?

“Maybe you should answer that,” he suggests, causing another groan. Why was someone interrupting our perfect night? It wasn’t just anytime that he came to Dawsonville out of the blue, but here he was thanks to a flight with me following our shop meeting today. “It doesn’t sound like they are going away.”

“I wish they would,” I comment quietly as I finally make my way off the couch and to the door.

I swear, if this is some random door-to-door seller, they are about to get an earful that will probably get me in trouble should anyone hear. If it’s anybody else, they will get a stern reminder to give me a heads-up before they come over because I may be busy. That should cover everything, right?

Opening the door, prepared to tell someone off, my jaw drops immediately as I take in the image at my door. I was expecting anybody, any other damn person in this whole, than her.

What was she doing here?

“Kaitlyn?” I question as I allow the shock to wash over me, still. Seriously, why?

“Chase!!” She lets out, reminding me just how annoying her squealing voice could be. Why hadn’t I allowed that to drive her away sooner?

“What are you doing here?” I deserved to know, right? I mean, it only seemed fair as this was my house, my doorstep, and she was interrupting my perfect night with Alex.

“I came to see you, of course.” We broke up over a year ago – a year and three months for those who may be curious, perhaps four. We hadn’t spoken to each other since, except for the text message she sent a month after we broke up that I didn’t respond to. What exactly made her change her game plan to end up at my door?

“Why?” Considering the time line that I just offered, it only seemed logical.

“Because I miss you. Don’t you miss me?” Would you miss someone who repeatedly broke your heart over and over? Would you miss someone who played you like a fool for three years? Would you miss someone whom you haven’t even gave a damn about since you broke up with them?

“No.” I hope that was your answer, too, because damn, why would it be anything remotely different?

“Are you sure?” Truth be told, there was many things that I wasn’t sure about right now. I wasn’t sure about Ryan and what to do moving forward after what happened. I wasn’t sure about Alex, and if there was a future there together, or whether what I felt was real. I wasn’t even sure if Alan had the right set-up for this coming weekend at Darlington. But this question? There was only one option.

“Absolutely. I know the games you play…” even if I was a blind fool for a long time, and allowed you to play me over and over again. It took awhile for my eyes to be opened, but now I swear to you I am not even allowing myself to touch that door again.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Pretty sure she does considering I broke it down to her when I finally realized what had happened, and broke up with her. The thought of losing her, realizing those three years were worth nothing was only made worse in the guilt and pain in knowing I allowed myself to suckered in so easily. What was I thinking?

“Can you just go, please?” You’re ruining my time with Alex. Truth be told, I don’t even know who I am being polite her. I should just slam the door in her face.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Where do I begin? Let’s start with the fact the sight of her makes me completely sick to my stomach. Beyond that, there’s a lot of other shit going on.

“I told you- we’re through,” and there’s nothing that’s going to change that ever.

“Keep telling yourself that, but Chasey boo, nobody can satisfy you there like I do.” Her words struck a cord as no doubt my manhood had gone rock hard, gravitating towards the sexy specimen before me, wanting its lips to take it in fully, and it’s hand and body to be graced against mine. While she played my emotions like a fool, there was nobody I knew that could come close to what she did to me in bed.

“Go to hell.” I didn’t mean to say it. Those never were words that left my mouth. But right now, I had to say something, anything to get her to disappear before my manhood made me do something that I was going to regret.

“You didn’t deny it. That’s awesome.” The smirk on her face only made my stomach twist that much more as the sickness was certainly taking me over more – but not enough to ignore what she said. God damn, why does she always do this to me? How does she do it to me all over again?

“Can you go, please?” I seriously didn’t want to say or do something that I regretted.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Trust me, I have no intentions on telling her the reason as I know that’ll just open the door I promised not to even crack an inch a bit more.

How was this happening?

“Kaitlyn?” I hear behind me, freezing immediately. Clearly I had been at the door too long because obviously Alex had grown curious as to what was keeping me from him.

“Hey Alex!” She lets out, bubbly as she can though eyes still locked hard on mine, as if she can read those feelings of lust and need in my eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Wasn’t it obvious, Alex? Why are we repeating this conversation? Maybe he can make her disappear, say I have a guest already and no need to make things crowded.

“I came to see Chase, of course. How have you been?” Oh great, here she goes with small talk, just to try and insert herself back into the picture that much more. Are you kidding me?

“I don’t think you care.” At least someone understood where I was coming from here – wait, did he just say that?

“Actually, I do. I mean, when Chase and I were together, you were always this sweetheart. I always liked seeing you.” Alex should know better so I am not going to even warn him because we both know this how the game begins, before she tangles you in her web and you have no place to run but around in circles. It’s even made better when she takes you to bed, pleases every single inch of you, and makes you beg for more because you can’t get enough.

“I can see you still know how to lie.” Ouch. Maybe he was certainly better at this than I ever was.

“Never. I mean what I said and it’s so great to see you both together.” I watch her eyes dart between us, gears turning in that head of hers, and I really don’t want to know what else she is going to say. “Oh, so I see how it is. Ryan moves on to Isabelle, and you move on to Alex. But we both know nobody pleases you like I do.”

:”Go to hell,” I repeat once again, as another flood of those long, sexy, beautiful, stunning, hot, sweaty, perfectly, heavenly nights come back in my mind.

“How about you just get out of here, please?” Alex offers in more the polite fashion. Should I tell him how that didn’t work for me?

“He won’t deny it, and you’re jealous,” she spews which I actually highly doubt as Alex’s demeanor hasn’t changed one bit. I did wonder what he thought about the comment in reality, though. “Such a cute couple. Oh well, you know where to find me if you want me. I bet you still have my phone number tucked close by your bed.”

I force myself to glance away and not focus on those hips or ass as she makes her way back to her car, climbing in with a flick of that long luscious brown hair that always flew in the wind as she pleased me, and shuts the door behind her. It wasn’t long before the sight before us had thankfully disappeared, hopefully never to be seen, thought of, or heard from again.

“Chase, are you okay?” Alex’s words snap me from my thoughts, to which I glance over with a look in his eyes. I was glad he was here because left to my own devices, I am almost scared to wonder if my manhood would’ve won against my brain tonight.

“Yeah,” I reply quietly as we both head back inside together. Where were we? Can we just return to what we were doing?

“Are you going to call her?” Did he seriously ask that question? He knew everything and he still asked me.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” What else was I supposed to say? One moment you think you can trust a guy and he knows you and then he goes and asks you something – wait a minute, I did admit a fear of possibly giving in, didn’t I?

“I just wanted to make sure. We can talk about it if you want.” I could easily tell him the games that she played more in depth and how she seemed to win every round. But admitting the other side? I wasn’t quite ready to do that yet because truth be told, that was our very dirty little secret.

“No, I’m okay, thank you. Thank you for just being here,” as without you, I may have done the wrong thing. “For the record, though, she doesn’t even come close to you.”

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 15: The Much Needed Conversation Part 2

Alex’s POV

Tuesday, April 27 – Charlotte, North Carolina

I never realized how nice and clean this truck was,” I hear and freeze immediately.

I could tell that voice no matter where I was, and hearing him admiring my favorite vehicle out of the garage just made my heart flutter.

I had just gotten done some stuff with Ally – usual media filming that came with the job. They wanted to feature the truck, to which I easily obliged because anytime I can have it out is fine by me. Though finished, having ran inside to grab a drink and return back outside, I never expected for him to be here.

“I could give you the full exclusive tour if you’d like, perhaps even a little ride,” I offer, locking my eyes on him.

I wanted to take in every bit of his appearance. I wanted to read every bit of him that I could, see every feeling and emotion possible. How was he truly feeling beneath the exterior that he seemed to show everyone? Did Ryan speak to him as he should have?

“Would you go so far to let me drive it?” He questions, to which I had to chuckle back in response. Nobody else had ever driven my truck – no matter how well I knew them. That was foreign territory.

“How about we table the idea for now?” I suggest, totally not wanting to blow him off. I wanted him to open up to me, and worried dropping the wrong idea or hint would do just that. “I wasn’t expecting to see you toda-”

“Is it a bad time?” There was never a bad time for me to lay my eyes on him.

“No, not all. Actually, I just finished everything Ally wanted me to do. I could go grab you a drink if you wan-”

“Alex, I stopped by for a reason.” I freeze, hearing the shift in emotions already. It wasn’t the fun, friendly banter that we shared about the truck in the air anymore. Instead, it was like drop down a whole level to a density I didn’t think possible – you can feel the heaviness in the air from the emotions. “I wanted to say thank you. Probably through the past couple of months – actually, I know through the past couple of months, I wouldn’t had been able to handle everything and get through this.”

“That’s what friends are for,” which is why I told him the truth in the first place. Anything that happens beyond that is extra and obviously now fully on the table.

“I know, but what you’ve done actually means more than just that. Some friends would be afraid to tell me, but you did anyway. Some friends would be afraid of the backlash, but you did it anywhere. You also did it even if there was a chance I may have lashed out at you if Ryan accused you of lying. That’s why it means so much.” I never thought of those things – except the factor of trust and honesty.

“There’s something that you said – treat people the way you want to be treated. That’s why I told you because I would want someone to do the same thing in return,” is the only thing I could offer in return.

“I appreciate it, and the thank you goes beyond that. I don’t think there’s many people – actually, there’s very few people who could be there like you were. The patience in the months that went by, checking in on me constantly, balancing the emotions, standing by my side when it seemed completely obvious. I could go on and on with this apology, but one thing is for sure – you mean a lot to me.” My heart skipped a beat in hearing those words, never expecting I’d hear it so clearly – without another motive attached, like that night in wanting to erase the pain he was feeling. Was this really happening?

“The feeling is mutual, Chase. I care about you. That’s why I reached out to you.” I could go on more as he alluded to, but I was afraid that I’d catch him off-guard and chase him away. “I assume you and Ryan talked…”

“We did, finally. He told me everything, from the beginning to the end, with every emotion attached. You were right, by the way…” This wasn’t a situation that I wanted to celebrate, actually feeling terrible to watch him go through this. How could someone be put through this pain?

“Are you going to be okay?” My heart was now full of every worry, remembering those nights at the house when there was uncertainty. Now it was concluded, those emotions were probably going to become more real.

“It hurts, because I never thought Ryan could possibly do that to me. It hurts, because I can’t believe he did that to me. But on the other hand, I understand because of those feelings for Isabelle – to a degree. So I’m not as hurt as I expected, possibly because I have a friend.” I had to smile a little in knowing I offered him some comfort, but it still tore my heart in hearing there was some pain there.

“Well, you know that you can come to me whenever you want, and I’ll hear you out, offer advice. I want to be there for you, Chase,” and possibly more down the road – when we’re both truly ready, of course.

“Ryan wanted to know if we could be friends moving forward. I told him that I didn’t know if I could forgive him. I didn’t know if I could look at him without thinking of pain, betrayal, every emotion I’ve felt these past couple weeks.” Did I blame him? No, but I also understood not wanting to throw everything away as they had a good friendship together.

“That may come with time, or it may not. It depends how you feel about everything – but don’t force it either feeling you have to.” What else I was supposed to say? I sucked at this advice thing.

“I know, and I know one other thing – if we would’ve hooked up that night, for the record, I would not have regretted it.” My knees grew weak, my body lunged to reach out to this man, and my heart pumped faster. How did he get to me in so little words?

“Say, how about we go for that drive?” I honestly wanted a cold shower, but settling for burn-outs and smoke to erase these thoughts was probably my only bet without being obvious.

“Are you trying to avoid the conversation, Mr. Bowman?” Was he seriously flirting with me? Frankly, I think he knew exactly how I was feeling – and what he was doing to cause that.

“I’d rather go back to the first topic at han-”

“You’re tabling the discussion, but I hope not forever.” Careful with your words here, Alex. You had him your grasp, wanted to be patient, but not lose him forever.

“Like I said, you always have a friend in me, and friends share their toys.” The smile on his face said that I played my card right.

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 12: The Truth

#12: Ryan Blaney, Team Penske, Ford Mustang Menards/Pennzoil and #48: Alex Bowman, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro Ally

Alex’s POV

April 19, 2021 – Charlotte, North Carolina

I took a deep breath as I pulled up to the meeting spot just by the airport, before allowing myself to get out of the car. Glancing around, it was clear – I was the first one here.

Last night was a blast – I can’t say that enough. Though I was awakened to a sickening feeling in seeing a text from Bill Elliott demanding a meeting with myself and Ryan just by the airport.

Basically, he was flying in and wanted to speak with us both – no exceptions. My heart worried at first, feeling as though the worst possible while I had one of the best highs of my life, except a second message thankfully cured those worries with assurance Chase was fine.

Now standing here, I felt a mixture of feelings. I wondered and was curious as to why we were having this meeting. What had happened? What caused Bill to become involved? Did he know about everything before? I also wondered as to what was about to happen, almost hopeful for the truth finally becoming known as this had seriously gone on long enough.

I’m only snapped from my thoughts in seeing the elder gentleman heading over my way, clearly having just landed not long ago. Oh to have the luxury of being able to go wherever you wanted whenever you wanted at the drop of a hat.

“Thank you for coming,” he tells me, to which I just nod my head in return. I was about to say that I’d do anything for your son, but wondered if I was becoming too pushy. “I hate to do this the morning after a win – which congratulations, but we need to talk.”

“It’s fine; I totally understand,” I tell him, which I did. I almost did spit out what I wanted to say. Truth be told, the hangover surprisingly wasn’t as bad as I planned on after the drinks we consumed.

It wasn’t long before another car pulled off, to which I recognized immediately. Any bit of happiness seemed drained as I watched Ryan join the three of us in a circle. It was because of his stupid ass that we were here today and stuck in this mess.

“I got a phone call from my son last night,” Bill starts, obviously catching my attention. Chase had a good relationship with his parents so why would a simple phone call catch him off-guard? “He had gone to the bar for some drinks, and wanted me to pick me up. I obviously went and got him, but all three of us know that’s not like him. So I asked about his reasons – and he wouldn’t tell me. Instead, he told me you knew it all – both of us. So speak, please.”

“Ask Alex as he’s made this a mess,” Ryan spits out immediately, causing my jaw drop. How was it my fault? All I did was speak the truth. I didn’t go break his heart, cheat on him and sleep with another woman. Seriously, where does he get off throwing me under a bus?

“I won’t back down from the fact that Chase deserved to know,” I retort, which was the absolute truth.

Whether something happened or nothing at all, he deserved to hear about a conversation that had happened. He deserved to know his boyfriend was thinking of turning his back on him. If nothing happened at all, it would’ve been simple and dealt with. However, I knew I made the right decision considering what else Ryan had gone and done following those words spoken. We knew there was a kiss as both admitted that, but Isabelle said more and I tend to believe with that girl based on his behavior.

“Know what?” Bill questions, causing me to swallow the lump in my throat. Were we really going here right now?

Taking a deep breath, I knew I couldn’t back out of the corner I was in, especially considering Ryan threw me under the bus head first. So I stuck to my guns and went with my gut, and said the truth. I told Bill about the conversation, even mentioning the deal that Ryan and Isabelle had together with Chase involved in case Bill wasn’t aware. I explained that the pair met afterwards, and since those conversations, Chase and Ryan have been distant for each their own reasons.

It actually felt good to get everything off my chest for once and be able to tell someone everything that happened. I had been holding it in, unable to share due to not wanting to spread secrets as quite frankly, it wasn’t my department. I had paraphrased the events to Jimmie without dropping names, but it wasn’t the same. Now someone else could see what was going on through this group for the past couple months.

“Ryan says nothing happened, but it seems Isabelle sang like a canary per Chase,” I finish it off. I was about to specify the words that she told him as repeated to me, but I figured that was enough sting in its own. Besides, maybe it’d cause Ryan to finally be honest.

“I knew this wasn’t going to work between you and Chase,” Bill says immediately, to which causes my jaw to drop. Frankly, I thought Ryan and Chase were tight as ever, no issues at all, no chances of failure with everything example of their friendship. But Bill had doubts from the beginning? See, I wasn’t the only one questioning everything now.

“Why?” Ryan questions, obviously caught off-guard by his comment as I was. “Because it’s not the image you’d expect.” Truth be told, I didn’t know how Bill and Cindy looked at everything from the beginning, whether or not they had approval on this. So I couldn’t make a comment.

“I’m not judging based on that; I don’t do that.” Okay, that’s a relief…. “But I knew it wouldn’t work due to Isabelle. I knew from the day she entered the picture. I knew from the glances at the pageant, the conversation. I knew the way you looked at each other that something was going on there. I just can’t believe you’d do this after knowing what happened.” So Chase wasn’t wrong in those words and just making assumptions based on his feeling being hurt as other people could see it. Truthfully,  I could even see that chemistry between Ryan and Isabelle and that says a lot, considering I’m not the best at relationships myself.

“Who says I did?” Is he really going to try and deny it? He’s just digging a deeper hole for himself. The first step to forgiveness is admitting what you did wrong, and you’d think he’d want to create forgiveness with Chase somehow.

“Isabelle sang like a canary says something happened.” I’m glad Bill wasn’t buying his crap right now.

“Fine, believe her over me just like Chase. I see what commitment seems to earn you in this family.” It’s one thing to deny something. It’s another to add insult to injury, and that’s what he just did. Does Ryan even think before he speaks sometimes?

“Alex, what else do you know?” Woah, okay, I wasn’t expecting that question. I thought Bill would have something to say about Ryan’s comment – oh wait, that’d be a waste of time considering the comments and games that ass has been playing. I can see where he’s going here.

“I’ve been offering him support, being there as a friend since breaking the news,” I start, feeling it was only right to offer that. I didn’t leave him high and dry like someone else here, and Bill probably wondered if that was the case based on the direct hit in wanting this meeting. “I’ve seen signs of this happening. I didn’t think it was this bad, though.”

“If only you knew what happened with Kaitlyn,” he comments, and it makes me wonder. What all happened? Obviously she hurt him and played him, but to what extent? The fact that both Ryan and Bill have harped on that makes me begin to wonder even more.

“Everybody knows something happened, some more than others.” I was one of those who knew more, knew the games went further than you’d normally expect. To what extent? Well, that was up to someone to inform me, and I’d prefer Chase to do so himself. “I tried to be delicate knowing it wasn’t the first time he’s been screwed over, still in disbelief a friend would do it over again.”

“If you knew, why didn’t you mention it to someone?” Does anybody understand the boundaries of privacy? We all go through break-ups and some people are more private about theirs than others. Chase is a quiet guy so you had to assume he didn’t want everyone knowing. I just figured he’d tell Bill when he was ready.

“I wanted to respect his privacy and feelings, figuring he’d tell you when the time was right. I should’ve known it’d take a nose dive after the other night.”

That feeling I felt yesterday, the high of winning, there wasn’t an ounce left as I thought about Chase right now. He had come to me, absolutely in pain and vulnerable, and I turned down every advance that he made. I just made him feel smaller – and probably led to what Bill found last night.

“What did you do, Bowman?” Ryan questions and I really had to take a double take in that question. Did he really just ask me that? He goes and cheats on him, but now I’m the monster?

“Nothing in comparison or could comes close to what you did, Blaney,” I retort, which was the absolute truth. You don’t sleep with someone else when you care about someone deeply, enough to not want to hurt them.

“Arguing isn’t helping,” Bill states, obviously grounding us both immediately, hopefully, as that was probably the sternest tone I’ve heard out of that man’s mouth. “What happened, Alex, please?”

I didn’t want to say anything. I just wanted to keep the interaction between us. This was our personal interaction, first time really connecting. I wanted to reach out to him, explain, assure him that I’d be there. But instead, I had a father’s eyes beaming down on me, wanting to know everything. I couldn’t just not say anything at this point.

“He was feeling the hurt of everything the other night,” I start off after another deep breath. Here goes nothing. “He expressed that to me. He then asked me to make him feel loved, feel important. He asked me to go to that next stage. I couldn’t do it. I told him no. He begged me but I kept insisting I don’t do that. I explained why, I offered other things that we could do – talk, play a game for a distraction, company, but I couldn’t do what he wanted.”

I then stop, debating my next set of words. Standing here, facing the music of everything, looking back over those past couple of weeks, and now defending everything to one of the most important people in his life – I couldn’t deny it any longer.

I actually had a real growing crush for Chase. It wasn’t just like the odd glance at his way, admiring features, loving personality. It had grown way deeper than that.

“Don’t get me wrong – I will admit to you that I did,” I actually allow myself to finally say it out loud. Ryan was right – part of this motivation to do this was maybe driven by my own feelings. “I wanted to offer him what he was missing and make him feel better more than anything. But I told myself I wouldn’t take advantage of the situation. He was only asking due to the pain, wanting a distraction. What if he regretted it the next day? What if he never forgave me? I didn’t want to hurt him, or do anything wrong by him.”

My eyes immediately head towards Ryan, darted at him. That’s what Ryan had done. That’s why we were in this mess to begin with, and part of me wanted to thank him now for letting me see the light.

“I didn’t want to cause anymore pain,” I allow myself to continue, eyes still stuck on Ryan. I wanted it to be clear as to what happened. “I didn’t want to take advantage of him. I didn’t want to repeat a cycle that we’ve sucked ourselves into. I know he’s hurting right now, but there’s still unknowns and what if this scrambled picture isn’t such a big mess? I told him to consider everything, think it over, make sure he knows what he’s doing with a clear mind before he does anything he may regret. I told him to think about what happened over and over, think over what both Ryan and Isabelle told him, the whole picture. Make sure we have the facts before we even try to move forward, whether that’s us together or separately.”

The remaining bricks that were on my shoulders? They were removed by saying those simple words, by letting my feelings just spill out and all over the place. Bill knew. I myself knew the truth. Ryan even knew.

“Why in the world would you think that things could be fixed, Alex, if the betrayal is real?” Bill asks, and to be honest, those weren’t the first words I was expecting from him. I was thinking he’d comment about what happened the other night, or my feelings. Instead, he asked me that.

To be honest, he was right in his words. It’s why I wanted to get everything out in the open, and allow Chase to see the real true colors which Ryan had dished. It’s why even having a debate about everything didn’t even feel right.

“Repeating the cycle doesn’t solve any problems but makes them worse,” he continues, which he was right. “Chase knows that.”

“Because we don’t know everythin-” I begin before I can even stop myself. There goes that doubt once again, winning me over.

“You said Isabelle sang like a canary.” I guess I couldn’t back out of this, once again. Now it was time to turn the page to another chapter of this story, and give Bill another dose of knowledge. Why was Chase having doubts in what to do? Why was everything still clouded and murky?

“Chase told me she admitted everything, but is there proof? Nope. We’ve all established there’s feelings between her and Ryan to some degree. We don’t know how far they go either way, do we? What if Isabelle sees this as her window of opportunity to create a divide, and pounce on Ryan? Make Chase create distance based on a tall tale, get Ryan leftover by himself. Ryan never admitted anything. Maybe that’s because there’s nothing to admit.” I honestly didn’t believe my own words.

To be honest, I could see the guilt in Ryan all the way through. The fact he wouldn’t admit the kiss until forced into a corner. The fact he didn’t want Chase to know about the discussion. The fact anytime I asked him about it, he tried to throw me under a bus. The fact that he was so defensive in talking about nothing he was involved in.

“Oh, so now you give me the benefit of the doubt after sending Chase off a deep end?” Ryan questions, to which I have to laugh. That plays exactly into what I was just thinking. You are just writing a deeper hole for yourself, Blaney.

“Let’s be clear – you did that by simply creating the smallest rift and shadow of a doubt by even taking a look her wa-” I snap back in return, because frankly, I had enough of being run over by him when I’ve done nothing wrong.

“You told hi-” Sorry, not this time buddy. Here comes your dose of a bus.

“….and I’d still do it 100 times over. He deserves the truth regardless. Roles reversed and I bet you’d like to know the truth. Look, I don’t know whether something happened or not that night. Situation and conversation says it did, but I don’t know you. I don’t know when you’re being truthful or not. I don’t know you well enough to see through everything. That’s why I’ve just tried to listen to what Chase has told me and be there as a friend – nothing more, as he goes through this. I’ve got my heart stomped on and I know it hurts like a son of a bitch to do it alone. That’s why I wanted to be a friend.” That was why I initially told him, and that’s why I went back to check on him not once – but twice, feelings aside. The feelings simply came secondary to everything.

“Unlike you, I’ve been around Ryan a very long time,” Bill starts, obviously catching all of our attention within seconds. Now I was really intrigued as to what he had to say. “So I am going to ask you once and for all and I want you to be honest with me, Ryan, completely to a fault. Did anything beyond the diner conversation happen between you and Isabelle?”

“How do I know you’ll believe me and know I’m saying the truth?” Ryan questions, and I just smile. There’s the deniability to a fault once again. Just say it already, dumbass!

“Like I said to Alex, I’ve known you a long time. I can tell a lie. It’s time to settle this. What happened?”

Those next couple minutes, there was many emotions that came crashing down at once as he confessed the initial feelings, the conversation, the night after the conversation, and the nights that seemed to follow. Only one of those went all the way, but once is too much. If you can do it once, than says enough.

Celebratory, caught in the moment was how he described it in knowing it came after his victory. Well geez, I guess if I fell on someone’s crotch last night it’d be from the high.

I felt anger. I felt betrayal. I felt sadness. I felt every single of those emotions for Chase, and made me want to get in my car and drive all the way to Georgia to just hold and hug him. How could Ryan even do this? Furthermore, why would he do this if he truly loved him, no matter how he felt for Isabelle?

Though instead, I was stuck there. I knew as soon as this meeting was done, I had to go to the shop. There were more interviews to be done following the win, and I didn’t know if I could get through those. Yes, I was happy about the win and proud of the team. Yes, it felt like everything I could imagine. There’s no denying those emotions and there were all still there beyond anything. But the other side of me had a crushed heart in thinking about my friend.

“Can I have a couple days?” Ryan’s question breaks me out of concentration. Is he fucking kidding me? First, he stomps on his heart – not once, but multiple times, and now he wants to be given time.

“Seriously?” I ask, biting my tongue because I was ready to tell his sorry ass off, again.

“Alex, please…” Bill begs, which surprised me just a bit more. He had just learned this man had cheated and betrayed his son, but yet he was going to offer forgiveness. I’m sorry, but I don’t have the strength in time to dare offer that.

“I just don’t know how to tell him,” Ryan explains, to which I have to laugh. You’ve had two months to debate how to do that. I think you should know how by now. “I don’t know what to say. I can’t just do it…”

“Do you love him?” Okay, seriously? This was the same guy that said just moments earlier that you can’t continue the cycle of betrayal and allow everything to happen again and again. And I’m sorry, but anybody that can cause this much pain doesn’t know love.

“Absolutely. I mean, damn, isn’t it obvious?” That’s very questionable considering the bulk of evidence I’ve collected.

“They say if you love something, sometimes you love it enough to let it go. Maybe that’s what you need to do. Actually, I know that’s what you need to do as this isn’t forgivable.” Ah yes, the voice of reason finally shined through. Thank you! I’m glad that Bill hadn’t changed his stance or I may lash out at ‘em both, something I didn’t want to quite do might I add. “I need to go because I am going to be late, and I don’t want to be late today. I suggest you do what you need to do…”

“Okay.” Wait, did Ryan just agree to admitting it without a fight or question? Was he finally showing signs of regret?

“Alex, I’m sorry I snapped at you.” Okay, now that surprised me even more. I wasn’t expecting an apology. Frankly, there was nothing in this discussion that deserved an apology.

“Why?” I question, still surprised. “For being angry? Frustrated? You have every right as you’re his father.” Anybody who cared about someone and saw the pain that Chase was in would feel the same way. They would do whatever it took, and sometimes push limits, to ensure they felt better and understood what to do to help. Sure, Bill may have pushed some of my buttons today, but damn, this was much needed.

“I also know that I’m glad, too. I’m glad that he has a friend whom he can count on to be there and do the right thing. Thank you, Alex.”