Month: May 2021

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 22: The Outlaw Celebration

Ryan’s POV

Saturday, May 22 – Circuit of the Americas

“You know who has a good chance tonight if you’re looking for a darkhorse? Dave Blaney,” I hear from the television and chuckle.

The thought of someone feeling they should even count Dad out was ridiculous. Those wins weren’t that long – okay, maybe they were. I guess 20 years goes by in a hurry. But still, it also brought a smile in knowing how much Dad could thrive in these situations.

Truth be told, though, he was the forgotten soul on the tour, lost in the shadows behind the budding stars and uncle Dale. It was nice to see them have a “told you so” moment in knowing he could prove himself in seeing how quick he was in the early stages.

Was this really happening? Was this real? Please don’t tell me it’s raining there and they threw on a old race for shits and giggles.

It had to be real, though. Brad Sweet and Sheldon Hauldenchild were not around back then. I was actually in a bit of awe in watching the moves he was making, the passes he was able to make at will, sliding that tail just enough sideways up high to make good time. Holy crap….

Wait, what the heck? The screen just went black. Every bit of awe and excitement disappeared with just 15 laps to go in seeing nothing on my screen. I didn’t touch any of my cords and Sturgill hadn’t moved from his spot alongside him so I knew he hadn’t either. It wasn’t like them to drop the feed, either, and a quick check of the phone revealed I was the only one faced with the great screen of death.

Why? Why tonight? I wouldn’t mind if it happened any other night but tonight – but why while Dad was having probably the best run of his career? Why not wait until another night? It wasn’t fair the world got to witness his greatness and I was left n the dark.

Think Ryan, think. You were surrounded by a bunch of fellow drivers. You couldn’t be the only one watching tonight. Heck, Ricky owned a team and Kyle loved these cars. I could go see them, but there was another person who I knew he was watching and a lot closer. I had to find a solution quickly because anybody knows no cautions and it’d be over before you knew it.

Just a couple steps outside the door and I was at his door, knocking in hopes he’d answer quickly. It felt weird to knock. I went months and months without knocking, just entering at will and getting comfortable as if it was my own home. It felt weird to be doing this now.

It was just one of the things that had changed, forever unfortunately, and regrettably over a decision. It was one of those things I knew I had to get used to among others, and I didn’t know if I could do that quite yet.

“Ryan,” he opens the door, full surprise written on his face.

Normally, he’d be yelling at me for knocking, demanding I get my ass inside quickly. There’d be a smile, possibly more to greet me. But now, it felt like we were back to ground zero – and I hated it. If anything, I just wanted my best friend back.

The other part of me almost made it seem that he was expecting someone else, like he’d moved on and was sharing meets with someone else here. it didn’t take much thinking to know who considering he’d been right there for months – and a mix of regret, questions, and jealousy came to be with just the simple thought of his name. It was like sometimes I was glad that Bubba threw that bottle of water at him that day.

“I didn’t mean to come over here, but my feed for the World of Outla-” I spit out quicker than I imagined, but still desperate to see the end. Focus, I needed to accomplish this if I wanted to see it.

“Come on in,” he says with a smile on his face. I was a little surprised considering the way things were the last time we saw each other, but he understood why I wanted to be here – the same reason he was at Road America in his dad’s return to the Xfinity Series.

For the next 10 minutes, it was like we were back to three months ago, back before everything happened, back before I cheated on him with Isabelle. Every conversation about what was happening fell into place, and our cheers aligned. The silence in the room turned into the three of us – oh yeah, Bill was here, too – cheering, as if our words could make my dad go even faster. But with each lap, it just seemed to be working.

Sheldon rarely makes mistakes, so my jaw dropped in seeing him run a little high off of turn two. However, that turned into a big scream in watching the gap between him and dad close, followed by dad flying by.

The perfect slide through turn four and it was like time stood still – or perhaps even felt like we were back a couple years, before I was a big Cup star, back when Chase was just my simple late model buddy who watched our dads race in the big leagues dreaming of being there one day.

But forget that – the bigger story was seeing the smile on dad’s face, the scream of excitement, arms fly high in the air, everything as to why I enjoyed winning myself these days. It was pure amazement.

“Hell yes!” Chase lets out, and I couldn’t help but smile once again. I could’ve experienced this alone, but damn, it felt good to share this moment with others.

The awkwardness I spoke of upon arrival subsided, and we returned to brief conversation in speaking of how practice had gone, the excitement of the night, and why the outlaws were fun to watch on any given night.

“Thank you, by the way,” I tell him as I get up to leave about 20 minutes later, knowing it was late and all three of us needed our rest. It was going to be a long day tomorrow.

“Hey, I wouldn’t wanted to be the reason why you missed your dad win,” he replies, to which I had to smile. If he kept me locked out and I missed these laps, though, he was right – I may have more to say. Then again, my regret and pain would’ve probably stopped that, too.

“I also wanted to let you know once again that I am sorry I hurt you. In the moment, it just felt right with Isabelle. I didn’t mean for it to happen – and I know that’s cliché, but the feelings led from one thing to another. I never meant to hurt you, hate that I did it, and I regret it. I miss spending time with you, Chase.” I didn’t intend to say all that – just a simple apology. But damn, the emotions just poured out of me. I really and truly missed my best friend.

“Part of me understands – unfortunately been there done that with someone,” which brings me to Kaitlyn, but never fell quickly from what I recalled. I also know we didn’t fall quickly together, either. Was he really expecting Alex earlier? Damn it Ryan – focus! “As I told you, I knew about something maybe there with Isabelle anyway. I was upset, and I am still mad, but like I said to you then, perhaps in due time we could be friends again and move forward. I enjoyed tonight. I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

“Just let me know when and I’ll be there.”

It was a short walk back to my motorcoach, but I was brought back to the conversation with Isabelle. I so badly wanted to move forward with her, forget everything that happened and make due on the supposed mistake I did – make it worth it, right? However, she stopped me because she wanted to ensure I was doing the right thing, really get me to check my feelings.

Tonight was everything I was missing these months. Tonight was a throwback to why I enjoyed spending time with him – we connected on so many levels.

Truth be told, what if I couldn’t move on and he was ready to?  

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 21: The Pet Monster

#48: Alex Bowman, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro Ally

Alex’s POV

Sunday, May 16 – Dover International Speedway

I laughed when William said that it’d be nice to have a pet monster, but now here he stood in victory lane, right beside me, and was coming home with me. It was surreal, when you consider everything today.

The No. 48 is used to dominating here. I’ve ran decent here, but nothing that you’d want to write a book about. However, today, there was just something special in the air after that pit stop, where I had every bit of confidence I could drive away to victory. Now, here I stood with my new best friend.

Though perhaps what was more surprising was the realization that not only Kyle finished behind me, but followed by Chase and William. It’s one thing to be fast, its one thing to dominate, but it’s another for everything to fall perfectly in-place for a 1-2-3-4. Folks, this is a special time to be alive so you better live it up.

I feel a cold liquid trickle down my neck, causing me to jump out of my skin – almost afraid that I was about to knock off Miles to his death. The usual congratulatory message you’d expect from your competitors. Though as I turn around to face the latest visitor, I couldn’t hide the smile on my face.

“Congratulations,” he says, offering a high-five. For a moment, I was expecting more, especially after our conversation on Wednesday. I began to wonder what he thought about my words, whether they affected what he was going to do next, or whether I’d kissed every chance with him away.

“Thank you,” I reply, easily offering it back in return. That gesture made everything the past couple weeks feel like nothing. Didn’t I at least deserve a hug? “Nice run there. It won’t be long before you’re celebrating a win, too.”

“I hope you stop by and say hello.” Remember what I said before? Ignore that and forget it, every bit of flirting and fun was coming back just with those words.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” and I mean that as I was hoping it was the first of many moments together.

“So, what are you planning to do with Miles?” I glanced over at the monster, still unsure. Most of my trophies found their way to the shop up on a shelf, but there was something special about this guy. “He actually is okay to bring in the house. I heard he’s a well-behaved monster, as long as Finn and Roscoe leave him alone.”

“Did Fletch leave yours alone?” I couldn’t help but wonder as we both understood as dog owners – they sometimes do some real strange things.

“Didn’t even flinch, actually. But then again, as long as he rubs and a ball, he’s a happy character. So, what’s the celebratory plan tonight?” I couldn’t help but smirk, even daydream a little. Too soon Alex, way too soon.

“Drinks with friends, nothing special as of right now. Maybe you could join me.” I almost didn’t say those last five words, but I wanted him to understand just how open I was about getting closer – even if there were nerves about aspects along the way. I wanted to assure him the door never closed.

“I’m fine with that, as long as you have a place for me to sleep afterwards.” There are many places – stop Alex, you haven’t even gotten to touching so how could you say that already?

“There’s always room for you at the Bowman Inn.” I should’ve just said there’s always room, but no, I had to go add extra words that made me want to throw up afterwards. What if he took it the wrong way?

“I know, and as I told you, I look forward to it…”

I then feel his breath closer to my cheek, like just bare inches away. I knew he was kneeling in, I knew he was closing the slim gap between us. I wanted to run, scared of what was to come, but yet frozen because I was indisbelief.

What this really happening?

I feel his skin touch mine – for the record, it is as soft as I envisioned, but the hairs on his face certainly tickle a little. I feel those lips, so smooth that it’s even better than I imagine. I feel them against my cheek, ever so slightly and lightly, a slight peck before it’s over – just like that instantly.

Did he really just kiss me? Was this really happening?

“I’ll see you later, Alex,” he tells me before leaving victory lane just like that.

I could only stare there frozen, stuck in thought. Part of me wondered if I dreamed the entire sequence. The other part of me elated in the simple feeling, but yet surprised in how quickly he drew back away.

I remembered his words. He was nervous about continuing to open his heart to only be shattered. He was nervous about the fact that I was nervous in never doing this before.

However, we both knew it without saying – actually, we had finally said it. There had been feelings there for awhile, and now it was our chance to see if we wanted what was of those.

So what was that? Was that a test? Was that a flirt move? What was going to happen the next time we saw each other? Why was he being such a tease, anyway?

“Earth to Bowman!” I hear my PR lady yell, catching me right off-guard as I almost knocked off Miles for the second time today. “Are we done with any photo requests?”

“Yeah,” I answer back, barely comprehending her words as my mind continued to swirl around. The only stopping me from still allowing myself to be lost was hearing my phone go off, and his name on it catching my attention.

 Your skin felt good. You earned that kiss today. I want to show you, love you, and trust you – I hope you’re willing to be patient.

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 20: The Apprehensions

#48: Alex Bowman, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro Ally Throwback

Alex’s POV

Wednesday, May 12 – Charlotte, North Carolina

“Here’s to another good weekend for everybody,” Kyle Larson says as we finish up their pre-Dover Speedway meeting after going over everything. That wasn’t always my best track, but I felt confident based on the direction we were all heading together this year.

“We could use a pet monster,” William Byron adds, to which I couldn’t argue. Miles was certainly the most unique trophy in motorsports.

I stand up, ready to head out, knowing I wanted to stop by and see Greg to over a couple finer details that we touched upon. It was certainly nice to be back in the shop this season, as nothing beat a walk through seeing the cars worked on up close.

“Hey, can we talk?” His voice instantly stops my thoughts as I look back towards him. Considering we had nothing competitive to speak of, I was surprised he wanted to have this type of conversation at our workplace. That probably wasn’t recommended if we were keeping this secret.

“Absolutely,” I answer back in response, against all better judgment. I didn’t want to give off the wrong idea by denying a conversation. We had made progress and promises that I wasn’t about to backtrack on.

“There’s something that I need to know before, and if we choose to move forward,” which caused my breath to hitch in my throat. This felt like the final negotiation period of a contract, where the other person wants to throw you a curveball in hopes that it doesn’t end everything but wasn’t originally intended. What could be on his mind? “Have you ever done anything like this before?”

“No,” which was probably why I was all over the place with my feelings, whether they were genuine, whether I could truly follow through with this, whether this was a reality or not. I hope it didn’t scare him away as I did want to explore, just because of the tingly sensation I get every time I see him, but I also knew there was risk involved.

“I’m not surprised…” Were my nerves that obvious, or was he doubting every bit of what I was saying? I didn’t want this to be over before it began.

“To be honest, I never thought I could feel anything like this. I never thought I would feel anything like this. It actually doesn’t happen – except for you, and it’s been there for a long as I’ve told you from the beginning. That’s why I’m so nervous, but yet curious at the same time about what could be there. I hope that doesn’t change your mind,” because I don’t know if I could honestly stand straight up rejection for that reason right now.

“I never thought it was possible, either, until Ryan and I were joking around one night. One thing turned into another, and he spit out that he noticed something in me, and wanted to try something. I went along with it – maybe blame the whiskey at first, but the kiss on the cheek just felt right. We went along from there, and as they say – the rest is history, right?” I was always curious how those things happen – how a simple game or drink turns into confession of feelings you never thought possible.

“How could you tell?” Curiosity got the best of me as I never expected this conversation.

“I can tell when you’re nervous, Alex. You can fool the rest of the world but I see you biting the edge of your lip as you contemplate every scenario.” I didn’t even realize I did that when I was nervous. “If I’m being honest, my eyes seem to stare even more when you do that because I wonder and ask many questions about those lips to myself.”

“Maybe I can help you in answering them…” Okay, I didn’t mean to say that out loud, but oh well – no way I am taking that back now.

“Like I told you – I wouldn’t mind this either and Alex, it’s okay to be nervous. I can assure you that I will make sure you are comfortable the whole way, and you can tell me any time when things are going too fast, or you want them to stop. I actually am ready for you to be my student.”

My heart was pacing faster than my breath could keep up, and my brain could barely comprehend what was happening here. Is this reality? Damn it Alex, you better not be dreaming!

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 19: The Photoshoot

Alex’s POV

Tuesday, May 11 – NASCAR on NBC Production Shoot

“I saw you watching…”

Those words send a chill up my spine, almost sending my phone flying out of my hands, as I glance back with a smile in seeing him standing there so close.

That wasn’t a lie, by the way. I was certainly watching as he was going through the different poses they required for their photoshoot. I was certainly allowing my eyes to trace over every feature. I began to let myself wonder, ponder, and question whether and if a future was there – and whether that was what I wanted as Sunday’s words replayed over and over in my mind.

“Alex Bowman, are you going to admit to checking me out?” He questions, to which I finally allow my eyes to look into his. I never realized how much they sparkled as much as they are right now. I could certainly get used to sharing banter back and forth with him.

“Is that a problem?” I question back in response, almost regretting it immediately. What if I was going over the lien here? What if it was too soon for this step? “I told you how I felt and I stand by those words.”

“I know. I remember hearing you say them. It was refreshing to hear that for the first time, to hear you admit how much you care about me.” I thought I had done that through being there, holding him, offering comfort, each of the steps taken to get to this point. But of course, he’d be in pain and as he said, you can only open your heart so much before you stop doing so in fear of it being stomped on.

“I can repeat those words as many times as you need to hear them, if necessary. I can tell you other times where you’ve caught my attention, and I’ve just stared at you, scared you were watching but unable to look away. There’s always been something special about you, Chase, and I don’t want that to change.” I also knew more than anything, the more time we spent together this close, the more teasing, the more I wanted to get to know that side of him just for myself.

“Then perhaps we should spend some more time together.” Was that code for what I was thinking – or was I just jumping to conclusions because of how badly my body wanted it from all this teasing?

“I think I would enjoy that, actually,” no matter what extent because let’s face it, our friendship was great at its value. If more came from that? Hell yeah, I’ll all for it and seeing where things go. The best scenario would perhaps allow all of the feelings to develop, to be explored, and enjoyed. I know it was risk, too, as there could be pain to come in doing so, but the risk was worth the potential reward.

“Perhaps one of those times could be me getting to drive your truck finally.”  Now I had to wonder if he was playing me to get his hands on my toys. I mean, you heard about people doing whatever it took for a racecar ride. What if this was another form of that?

“Are you trying to take advantage of me for my truck?” It actually sounded corny and flirty in asking that in response, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

“There could be very big advantages to this deal, Bowman, for us both..” He then brings his lips even closer to neck, sending a chill up my spine as I feel his breath in my ear. “You may be allowed into that closet of love…”

Excuse me, but where is the closest bathroom? Better yet, does that bathroom have a shower facility for ensuring you are nice and clean? Every part of my skin was clean, but damn I could use that cold shower right now.

Though before I could respond, I feel his lips lightly brush across my neck, before disappearing in the distance.

Breathe Alex, breathe. Holy crap, did that just happen? Breathe Alex…

My heart and head felt like it was spinning out of control, with so many demands and questions.

Did he just do what he think he did? What did that mean moving forward? Was this really happening? Why did my body cringe for more kisses? Where did he go? Did he really mean everything, or were be back at everything with potential regrets? Were those feelings actually true, for both of us? Was I sensing something I didn’t understand because something was there?

Either way, where was that damn cold shower? Why was I stuck here for another couple hours? Everybody was going to see it all over me and know something was up – I could already feel it as the feelings just flew through my system. Was that part of his plan?

In that moment, I had totally forgotten about my phone in my hand, until it buzzed with his name lighting up on the screen.

I’ll see you later, Alex. Your skin tastes amazing.

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 18: The Initial Feelings

#48: Alex Bowman, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro Ally Throwback

Alex’s POV

Sunday, May 9 – Darlington Raceway

It’d been a long day. Any day at Darlington Raceway was a long day, but this package just seemed to make it even more longer than normal. It also doesn’t help when you don’t have a car you feel you can do anything with to be remotely competitive, and it breaks your heart due to the special meaning of the wrap on the car.

It’s why we were both looking for some relaxation, something to put our minds on a different path. It’s why instead of immediately jetting back home, the pair of us found ourselves sitting in my motorcoach, trading conversation. Nothing serious, just notes on the day and ways to be better.

Probably more than anything, it was nice to just enjoy his company without worry of something else going on.

“Alex, can I tell you something?” He breaks the trend of conversation, causing a lump to form in my throat immediately. So much for that nice relaxation without extra worries of stuff going on. Why couldn’t things stay simple with us?

“Go on,” I instruct, because I wasn’t about to not allow him to get those feelings on the table. That was something we never did in this friendship.

“I remember a night when I was in the shop. You and Greg were working on something. I saw you – leaning over the car, getting your hands dirty, and I couldn’t help but stop and stare.”

I take a deep breath as his words sounded so familiar. It only happened a couple times a year, but I loved to get my hands dirty with my racecar. I knew it was frowned upon in this business, but there was nothing like working on your racecar and doing the work yourself.

Greg understood me. He was a car guy just like me. He came up racing his own equipment, working on it to get better. He understood where I was coming from, and the odd night where others weren’t around, it just seemed we’d connect and work together.

I guess that night we just weren’t alone as I thought. I even began to wonder what he was doing there so late. What time did he end up staying behind?

“I was mesmerized by your work ethic. I was mesmerized by how you got your hands dirty. Every feature just caught my eye – actually, somewhat happened the first day I laid eyes on you. I couldn’t look away from those eyes, or your lips, wondering what they tasted like. I began to wonder…”

My breathe was caught in my throat as I allowed each of his words to hit one by one, knowing the same feeling all too well. It was why I found myself watching him more so than any of my other teammates, or any other man in my life. It was why I found myself staring at his face, feeling so uncomfortable in wondering what those lips tasted like in return.

To hear that all began the first day we met was on one hand reassuring as the butterflies began early for me, but also even more dying curious.

“Now I realize, I don’t need to wonder anymore. Some things happen for a reason. I think I felt obligated to Ryan before. Now, I’m free to explore – feelings, life, everything. Perhaps these feelings for you.”

Just like the other night, my body longed for his touch, for those questions to be answered – no matter how much I couldn’t describe the feeling to any person alive.

But damn it Alex, you have to bring yourself back to reality. Remember what has been going on this year. Remember what brought you both together. Remember it wasn’t long ago the truth came out. What if there was more to his words here?

“Chase, can I ask you something?” I force myself to ask in return, ignoring the urges and heart right now. You can damn well care without reaching for him, Alex.

“Of course,” he replies which didn’t surprise me one bit.

“You came to me searching for love because you were lonely. You kept telling me you wouldn’t regret it. Is that what you’re doing, trying to convince me another way?”It felt like a slap in the face to our honesty and relationship – if that’s what you call it right now, but I kept having flashbacks to that night.

“Seriously?” Yep, I have screwed everything up. If I believed I had a chance, there it goes….

“I’m just askin-“

“Are you fucking kidding me, Alex? I thought after everything you’d understand.” Isn’t that why I am asking the question to begin with – because I understand the pain that he is dealing with, and know what it’s like to be there?

“I do, but there’s certain things I will not allow myself to do.” In truthfulness, I would probably fully enjoy it and it’d fulfill this weird need that I felt I needed to. However, I knew I may regret – scratch that, I probably wouldn’t it. But what if he did? Yeah, we’ll go with that reason.

“If you’re not interested, then just tell me. Don’t feed me this-” Okay, there’s a line that he needed to understand because if I listened to my heart and dick right now, my hands would already be wrapped around him.

“I didn’t say that! I meant just fulfilling some need.” I almost bit my tongue again, but it was something to be asked. That’s why I kept thinking about the other night and regrets, right?

“I’ve been played before. I know what it feels like. Do you really seriously think I’d do that to you, especially after everything?” There was a saying that fit right now – something about not thinking clearly when you were in pain or angry. Isn’t that normally how it goes in those romance movies? They sleep together and say it’s okay, but then regret it later when they realize they did it to mask other feelings.

“Probably not, but I can’t help but wonder,” considering I still didn’t know where he fully stood with regards to me, Ryan, and Isabelle. Sure, we’ve talked about it. They broke up, and he was a mix of emotions. But where was he right now on that trail, and how did that connect to tonight?

“Is this what it’s going to be like forever? You always questioning whether I mean it, or whether it’s just because of Ryan? If that’s the case, let me know now so I can save my breath.” This is absolutely not what I wanted. I wanted to establish a line of what I’d do and not do, ensuring I protected both of our hearts along the way, but not create distance that could not be overcome. Damn it! I didn’t want to lose him!

“Chase, I didn’t mean it like that…” I hope he forgave me. It wasn’t like I did anything absolutely wrong – or did I? Damn it, Alex! Why do you got to mess up everything all the time?

“You know, there’s a side to me that nobody knows – nobody would ever guess. A side that loves very passionately…” He was still sharing his inner secrets and feelings. That had to be mean something, right? The door wasn’t totally shut and I wasn’t about to give him an opportunity to do so.

“I want to get to know that side of you,” and trust me, I am willing to beg if necessary.

“I want you too, as well.” Compared to the stories before, random requests, that felt genuine as we locked eyes in that moment. It’s like we could see through each other, know every feeling, and know a future could easily be there for us. Maybe I should’ve just kept my mouth shut at the beginning and listened to my damn heart.

“Will you let me in then?” I almost didn’t say it – my brain once again questioning motives, feelings, nothing being natural about what was going on here. However, there was no way I was going to take it back once it was out there.

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

Then why did you damn well offer the story, open the door to something? He accused me of toying with him, but it feels like he’s doing the same damn thing in return.

“You can only wear your heart on your sleeve, show all your cards so many times, and get your heart stomped on so many times, before you stop believing….”

I had said those words initially out of fear of trying to erase or ease feelings, when in return, he was bearing everything, showing how much he cared about me, and how he appreciated me being here.

Instead of accepting the open door, I had slammed it shut quicker in his face than anyone could imagine. Now, was there any way to get him to unlock those locks one more time?

“I wish you could show me,” I tell him, allowing myself to look into his eyes. I had to allow him another glimpse into me. I had to allow him to see that I was being genuine, meant every word, and wanted this as badly as he did. “I want to know that side of you, and I can promise you that I’ll cherish it – and won’t take advantage of you, ever, Chase.”

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 17: The Truth

#12: Ryan Blaney, Team Penske, Ford Mustang Menards/Moen

Ryan’s POV

Thursday, May 6 – Charlotte, North Carolina

I called her. I asked if I could see her, or if she could come see me. It was only fitting. After all, there were plenty of things to discuss.

Where did we go from here? For just over a year, the world had seen that we were dating – but that was all a front. Now, what happened? Did we just break it off and go our separate ways – which I didn’t want? Or do we just continue as if nothing happened, which I wanted?

I also wanted to tell her the truth. I told Chase the truth, broke both our hearts in the process but whether I will admit it or not, Alex was right that he deserved to know. He probably deserved to know weeks earlier. It seemed only fair that she knew that now.

Perhaps I wanted her for a sounding board, too. I hadn’t talked to anybody about this – how could I talk to anybody frankly? There were only a few people that knew, and they didn’t understand my perspective at all. At least with Isabelle, she got it because she was part of this mess from the beginning.

Seeing her on my doorstep, my breath hitched in my throat. I had never felt unsure or nervous around her, but here we were. Blame it on the new territory, no strings attached, unsure future and mixed feelings, but it felt honestly weird. There was also an odd sense of relief in the air, as if as soon that breath hitched, you could let go easily and know everything would be okay, almost freeing.

“I told him the truth, the whole truth,” I finally spill out to her, the main reason as to why I had asked her to come over.

“And?” She questions, almost expecting me to tell her more details. I guess she deserved them after all.

“It went down as I expected. We’re done.” She needed to know that, I felt at least. I mean, that way she knows there’s no strings attached and we can move forward together, as we both perhaps wished when this began.

“I’m sorry..” I could hear the heartbreak in her voice, but it was the opposite for me There was a new sense of hope as I looked into her eyes.

“Maybe it’s okay. Maybe it’s a good thing.” I take a deep breath, allowing myself to look even deeper, just hoping I didn’t regret this later on. “Isabelle, I love you.”

“Do you really, truly love me?” Why do you think we did what we did? It’s not like I’ll go down with any person that walks into the room. “Are you really, truly set to move on?” There was the hitch in my breath, again. Sure, I loved Isabelle and had feelings for her, but I couldn’t deny wondering how Chase was, wanting those nights we spent together back again. “Is that what you really, truly want? Or are you just saying that because you want to erase the pain of what happened?”

“I don’t know…” was all I could manage to say in that moment, because maybe she was right. The thought of her allowed me to ignore the feelings for Chase, and maybe that was because I couldn’t stand the pain of missing him. “To be honest, I don’t know.”

Damn it, why wasn’t this easier? This was supposed to solve all my problems.

“We’ve had feelings for each other from the beginning – everybody hasn’t denied that. I had them as soon as I laid eyes on you. I thought about a future together, what it would be like to just be with you. That night we spent together – more magical than I could have dreamed.”

There was his eyes on my mind, and I could easily feel the sensation in my fingers I’d get from tracing every single feature of his.

“But it hurt when Chase told me I hurt him. It hurt when Chase told me that he didn’t see a future with us. It hurt when Chase told me he didn’t know if he could forgive me. We have so many moments from our time together, and so many more moments I wish we could continue building together. There’s just something different when we’re together and I don’t know if I want to say goodbye without any regrets. What if we can add another chapter?”

I knew Chase was hurting, hence where the words came from that night. However, you don’t throw away years of friendship, some time even deeper than most, so easily. If anybody could see themselves through. It was us – and perhaps I was willing to wait for all the time in the world.

“Remember what I told you?” She breaks the uncomfortable silence, and I take a deep breath. She had given a lot of advice over the years, and even advice through these past couple of months. How could I narrow it down right now? “You have to do what you feel is right. You have to think it over and make the hard decisions. What do you truly want, Ryan?”

Unchartered Waters – Chapter 16: The Return

Chase’s POV

Monday, May 3 – Dawsonville, Georgia

Knock. Who is at my door and why?

Knock. Seriously, who is there? Did I forget about invite – no, I hadn’t because that was why he was over tonight. We were spending some more time together, talking, enjoying each other’s company, a distraction from everything that maybe could turn into something more.

“Who is that?” He questions me, resulting in a groan. I was hoping he wouldn’t notice, we could ignore together and they’d go away.

“I don’t know,” I reply back, because truthfully, I didn’t know.

Knock. Are you kidding me? If I haven’t answered by now, do you really think I am going to answer? Can they just go away?

“Maybe you should answer that,” he suggests, causing another groan. Why was someone interrupting our perfect night? It wasn’t just anytime that he came to Dawsonville out of the blue, but here he was thanks to a flight with me following our shop meeting today. “It doesn’t sound like they are going away.”

“I wish they would,” I comment quietly as I finally make my way off the couch and to the door.

I swear, if this is some random door-to-door seller, they are about to get an earful that will probably get me in trouble should anyone hear. If it’s anybody else, they will get a stern reminder to give me a heads-up before they come over because I may be busy. That should cover everything, right?

Opening the door, prepared to tell someone off, my jaw drops immediately as I take in the image at my door. I was expecting anybody, any other damn person in this whole, than her.

What was she doing here?

“Kaitlyn?” I question as I allow the shock to wash over me, still. Seriously, why?

“Chase!!” She lets out, reminding me just how annoying her squealing voice could be. Why hadn’t I allowed that to drive her away sooner?

“What are you doing here?” I deserved to know, right? I mean, it only seemed fair as this was my house, my doorstep, and she was interrupting my perfect night with Alex.

“I came to see you, of course.” We broke up over a year ago – a year and three months for those who may be curious, perhaps four. We hadn’t spoken to each other since, except for the text message she sent a month after we broke up that I didn’t respond to. What exactly made her change her game plan to end up at my door?

“Why?” Considering the time line that I just offered, it only seemed logical.

“Because I miss you. Don’t you miss me?” Would you miss someone who repeatedly broke your heart over and over? Would you miss someone who played you like a fool for three years? Would you miss someone whom you haven’t even gave a damn about since you broke up with them?

“No.” I hope that was your answer, too, because damn, why would it be anything remotely different?

“Are you sure?” Truth be told, there was many things that I wasn’t sure about right now. I wasn’t sure about Ryan and what to do moving forward after what happened. I wasn’t sure about Alex, and if there was a future there together, or whether what I felt was real. I wasn’t even sure if Alan had the right set-up for this coming weekend at Darlington. But this question? There was only one option.

“Absolutely. I know the games you play…” even if I was a blind fool for a long time, and allowed you to play me over and over again. It took awhile for my eyes to be opened, but now I swear to you I am not even allowing myself to touch that door again.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Pretty sure she does considering I broke it down to her when I finally realized what had happened, and broke up with her. The thought of losing her, realizing those three years were worth nothing was only made worse in the guilt and pain in knowing I allowed myself to suckered in so easily. What was I thinking?

“Can you just go, please?” You’re ruining my time with Alex. Truth be told, I don’t even know who I am being polite her. I should just slam the door in her face.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Where do I begin? Let’s start with the fact the sight of her makes me completely sick to my stomach. Beyond that, there’s a lot of other shit going on.

“I told you- we’re through,” and there’s nothing that’s going to change that ever.

“Keep telling yourself that, but Chasey boo, nobody can satisfy you there like I do.” Her words struck a cord as no doubt my manhood had gone rock hard, gravitating towards the sexy specimen before me, wanting its lips to take it in fully, and it’s hand and body to be graced against mine. While she played my emotions like a fool, there was nobody I knew that could come close to what she did to me in bed.

“Go to hell.” I didn’t mean to say it. Those never were words that left my mouth. But right now, I had to say something, anything to get her to disappear before my manhood made me do something that I was going to regret.

“You didn’t deny it. That’s awesome.” The smirk on her face only made my stomach twist that much more as the sickness was certainly taking me over more – but not enough to ignore what she said. God damn, why does she always do this to me? How does she do it to me all over again?

“Can you go, please?” I seriously didn’t want to say or do something that I regretted.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Trust me, I have no intentions on telling her the reason as I know that’ll just open the door I promised not to even crack an inch a bit more.

How was this happening?

“Kaitlyn?” I hear behind me, freezing immediately. Clearly I had been at the door too long because obviously Alex had grown curious as to what was keeping me from him.

“Hey Alex!” She lets out, bubbly as she can though eyes still locked hard on mine, as if she can read those feelings of lust and need in my eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Wasn’t it obvious, Alex? Why are we repeating this conversation? Maybe he can make her disappear, say I have a guest already and no need to make things crowded.

“I came to see Chase, of course. How have you been?” Oh great, here she goes with small talk, just to try and insert herself back into the picture that much more. Are you kidding me?

“I don’t think you care.” At least someone understood where I was coming from here – wait, did he just say that?

“Actually, I do. I mean, when Chase and I were together, you were always this sweetheart. I always liked seeing you.” Alex should know better so I am not going to even warn him because we both know this how the game begins, before she tangles you in her web and you have no place to run but around in circles. It’s even made better when she takes you to bed, pleases every single inch of you, and makes you beg for more because you can’t get enough.

“I can see you still know how to lie.” Ouch. Maybe he was certainly better at this than I ever was.

“Never. I mean what I said and it’s so great to see you both together.” I watch her eyes dart between us, gears turning in that head of hers, and I really don’t want to know what else she is going to say. “Oh, so I see how it is. Ryan moves on to Isabelle, and you move on to Alex. But we both know nobody pleases you like I do.”

:”Go to hell,” I repeat once again, as another flood of those long, sexy, beautiful, stunning, hot, sweaty, perfectly, heavenly nights come back in my mind.

“How about you just get out of here, please?” Alex offers in more the polite fashion. Should I tell him how that didn’t work for me?

“He won’t deny it, and you’re jealous,” she spews which I actually highly doubt as Alex’s demeanor hasn’t changed one bit. I did wonder what he thought about the comment in reality, though. “Such a cute couple. Oh well, you know where to find me if you want me. I bet you still have my phone number tucked close by your bed.”

I force myself to glance away and not focus on those hips or ass as she makes her way back to her car, climbing in with a flick of that long luscious brown hair that always flew in the wind as she pleased me, and shuts the door behind her. It wasn’t long before the sight before us had thankfully disappeared, hopefully never to be seen, thought of, or heard from again.

“Chase, are you okay?” Alex’s words snap me from my thoughts, to which I glance over with a look in his eyes. I was glad he was here because left to my own devices, I am almost scared to wonder if my manhood would’ve won against my brain tonight.

“Yeah,” I reply quietly as we both head back inside together. Where were we? Can we just return to what we were doing?

“Are you going to call her?” Did he seriously ask that question? He knew everything and he still asked me.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” What else was I supposed to say? One moment you think you can trust a guy and he knows you and then he goes and asks you something – wait a minute, I did admit a fear of possibly giving in, didn’t I?

“I just wanted to make sure. We can talk about it if you want.” I could easily tell him the games that she played more in depth and how she seemed to win every round. But admitting the other side? I wasn’t quite ready to do that yet because truth be told, that was our very dirty little secret.

“No, I’m okay, thank you. Thank you for just being here,” as without you, I may have done the wrong thing. “For the record, though, she doesn’t even come close to you.”