“I never realized how nice and clean this truck was,” I hear and freeze immediately.
I could tell that voice no matter where I was, and hearing him admiring my favorite vehicle out of the garage just made my heart flutter.
I had just gotten done some stuff with Ally – usual media filming that came with the job. They wanted to feature the truck, to which I easily obliged because anytime I can have it out is fine by me. Though finished, having ran inside to grab a drink and return back outside, I never expected for him to be here.
“I could give you the full exclusive tour if you’d like, perhaps even a little ride,” I offer, locking my eyes on him.
I wanted to take in every bit of his appearance. I wanted to read every bit of him that I could, see every feeling and emotion possible. How was he truly feeling beneath the exterior that he seemed to show everyone? Did Ryan speak to him as he should have?
“Would you go so far to let me drive it?” He questions, to which I had to chuckle back in response. Nobody else had ever driven my truck – no matter how well I knew them. That was foreign territory.
“How about we table the idea for now?” I suggest, totally not wanting to blow him off. I wanted him to open up to me, and worried dropping the wrong idea or hint would do just that. “I wasn’t expecting to see you toda-”
“Is it a bad time?” There was never a bad time for me to lay my eyes on him.
“No, not all. Actually, I just finished everything Ally wanted me to do. I could go grab you a drink if you wan-”
“Alex, I stopped by for a reason.” I freeze, hearing the shift in emotions already. It wasn’t the fun, friendly banter that we shared about the truck in the air anymore. Instead, it was like drop down a whole level to a density I didn’t think possible – you can feel the heaviness in the air from the emotions. “I wanted to say thank you. Probably through the past couple of months – actually, I know through the past couple of months, I wouldn’t had been able to handle everything and get through this.”
“That’s what friends are for,” which is why I told him the truth in the first place. Anything that happens beyond that is extra and obviously now fully on the table.
“I know, but what you’ve done actually means more than just that. Some friends would be afraid to tell me, but you did anyway. Some friends would be afraid of the backlash, but you did it anywhere. You also did it even if there was a chance I may have lashed out at you if Ryan accused you of lying. That’s why it means so much.” I never thought of those things – except the factor of trust and honesty.
“There’s something that you said – treat people the way you want to be treated. That’s why I told you because I would want someone to do the same thing in return,” is the only thing I could offer in return.
“I appreciate it, and the thank you goes beyond that. I don’t think there’s many people – actually, there’s very few people who could be there like you were. The patience in the months that went by, checking in on me constantly, balancing the emotions, standing by my side when it seemed completely obvious. I could go on and on with this apology, but one thing is for sure – you mean a lot to me.” My heart skipped a beat in hearing those words, never expecting I’d hear it so clearly – without another motive attached, like that night in wanting to erase the pain he was feeling. Was this really happening?
“The feeling is mutual, Chase. I care about you. That’s why I reached out to you.” I could go on more as he alluded to, but I was afraid that I’d catch him off-guard and chase him away. “I assume you and Ryan talked…”
“We did, finally. He told me everything, from the beginning to the end, with every emotion attached. You were right, by the way…” This wasn’t a situation that I wanted to celebrate, actually feeling terrible to watch him go through this. How could someone be put through this pain?
“Are you going to be okay?” My heart was now full of every worry, remembering those nights at the house when there was uncertainty. Now it was concluded, those emotions were probably going to become more real.
“It hurts, because I never thought Ryan could possibly do that to me. It hurts, because I can’t believe he did that to me. But on the other hand, I understand because of those feelings for Isabelle – to a degree. So I’m not as hurt as I expected, possibly because I have a friend.” I had to smile a little in knowing I offered him some comfort, but it still tore my heart in hearing there was some pain there.
“Well, you know that you can come to me whenever you want, and I’ll hear you out, offer advice. I want to be there for you, Chase,” and possibly more down the road – when we’re both truly ready, of course.
“Ryan wanted to know if we could be friends moving forward. I told him that I didn’t know if I could forgive him. I didn’t know if I could look at him without thinking of pain, betrayal, every emotion I’ve felt these past couple weeks.” Did I blame him? No, but I also understood not wanting to throw everything away as they had a good friendship together.
“That may come with time, or it may not. It depends how you feel about everything – but don’t force it either feeling you have to.” What else I was supposed to say? I sucked at this advice thing.
“I know, and I know one other thing – if we would’ve hooked up that night, for the record, I would not have regretted it.” My knees grew weak, my body lunged to reach out to this man, and my heart pumped faster. How did he get to me in so little words?
“Say, how about we go for that drive?” I honestly wanted a cold shower, but settling for burn-outs and smoke to erase these thoughts was probably my only bet without being obvious.
“Are you trying to avoid the conversation, Mr. Bowman?” Was he seriously flirting with me? Frankly, I think he knew exactly how I was feeling – and what he was doing to cause that.
“I’d rather go back to the first topic at han-”
“You’re tabling the discussion, but I hope not forever.” Careful with your words here, Alex. You had him your grasp, wanted to be patient, but not lose him forever.
“Like I said, you always have a friend in me, and friends share their toys.” The smile on his face said that I played my card right.
I was expecting the visit. He had texted me before heading down that he wanted to have this conversation, finally. Though I was expecting it sooner. I was expecting it since Monday when my dad explained his discussion with Ryan and Alex. I was also expecting it sooner than that, after the initial kiss, after the initial conversation in the diner.
So why was my stomach flip flopping over this discussion?
I remembered when he arrived, knocking on the door. I knew it was him, with nobody else having plans of visiting and visitors not really coming unless announced. I let him, knowing what was coming anyway. It was why we both landed on the couch together, facing each other, drinks in hand.
Here goes nothing….
“Considering Isabelle was sacrificing a lot, I wanted to be honest with her from the beginning – completely,” he tells me, which I didn’t argue against it. I knew her sacrifice as she couldn’t go have a true relationship of her own if she was in our agreement in the public eye. It was why I ensured she was really on-board, and sweetened the pot a little. Clearly, that pot was already sweet enough. “It’s why I felt it was necessary to tell her that I had feelings for her, so she knew exactly where I stood. I was going to share with you, but things got murky before that could happen.”
“They only got murky because you haven’t been totally honest – until now,” I finally admitted, which was why it was making everything as hard as it was. Just like my dad said – anybody could say this, but I needed Ryan to say it to make it real.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I think I had my doubts because of the past, because of everything. I wondered what questions you’d ask, and what’d you say.” I loved the excuses that he was trying to offer for his silence, or why he hadn’t done anything until now. Meanwhile, I knew the final push as to why he was here, finally.
“I think that’d cause someone to be honest sooner, knowing there was some trusting issues there from my past….” Wouldn’t you want to erase my theories in being played again?
“Those doubts only got bigger a couple nights later when she came over – scheduled visit as you know we talked about. However, there was more conversation about the feelings to which she had some of her own. That conversation led to a kiss. I stopped immediately, shocked myself it happe-”
“I am not. I could see the looks between you both from the first day. It’s why I actually accepted her,” and ultimately brought on this mess myself. What was I was thinking?
“We agreed to create distance, figure out what we were going to do about everything. We didn’t want to move forward until we both knew what we wanted. Unfortunately, that all changed with the win…” Ah yes, celebratory and things getting more crazier than you intended.
“What happened?” I bit my tongue afterwards, feeling the butterflies grow in not wanting to hear the next words out of his mouth.
“I invited her over, for celebratory drinks and discussion. However, one thing led to another with those feelings come out and we slept together that night.” Am I surprised? Nope, as I felt there was more to the story when he told me about just the kiss initially. How did I feel? So many feelings. “To be honest, it felt great to get that out in the open and do everything. It feels great to remove this dens-”
“Stop, please….” I couldn’t bear to hear anymore as the tears were already streaming down my cheeks. It was one thing to betray me, but it was another to say it was a great feeling. Sure, you got your feelings out and did this – but at any point, did he think about how I felt?
“We both know that we’re bi.” Where was he going with this?
“Isn’t that obvious?” If it wasn’t, then clearly we don’t know each other’s history.
“I thought in our original agreement we said that things could happen.” It was like being upset and disgusted turned immediately into anger. Forget feelings, forget the discussions about how hard it was to be vulnerable, what it felt like to be played – but instead, now I was just like another piece of paper in a file.
“Oh, so now you’re treating this as a contract?” I couldn’t help but dish it back at this point. I deserved that, didn’t I?
“We had an agreement….” I was just about ready to throw his ass out the door now.
“I think you’re just trying to have your cake and eat it, too.” Let’s face it – he wants to justify what he did, so that way he can keep us both in his life. Unfortunately, things changed a while ago that won’t allow that to happen. It was why we took it a step further, and decided to go about the plan we did.
“What are you trying to say, Chase?” He clearly is blind to the truth.
“When we got together initially, you are correct – everything was an open book, because we were both exploring what we meant to other people, and ourselves. We were both trying to figure just how far we wanted to go, and if this was what we wanted. We didn’t want to close the book until we knew where we wan-”
“I don’t remember the book closing.” Do I need to smack him upside the head for him to remember the conversation? I was supposed to be upset, disgusted about him having slept with someone else – and instead I was a ball of fury for him just throwing my feelings away in trade of a contract.
“The book closed when we both agreed that we were going to make this work, do whatever it took to be together, and solely be together. It closed when I told you that I was fully committed to you, and you alone, and not looking for anyone else to be in my arms or my life. It closed when we spent the entire quarantine together between our houses, going behind the rules of people supposed to be close to each other. It closed when I bared every damn feeling to you – just for you to say screw you right now as if that discussion never happened. That’s why we agreed to have Isabelle cover, so we could do this. I thought it was all clear when you told me you felt the same way in that moment.” Instead, he had totally forgotten about the conversation, and turned at the first opportunity before him to do so.
“I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to do thi-”
“But you did, Ryan. You kissed her. You slept with her. Then you didn’t have the decency to come see me until my father and Alex backed you into a corner. That’s what hurts more.” If maybe he was honest, we could’ve talked it out, figured out something together. Now? I don’t know if even a friendship is possible with how far he took this.
“So are you saying that all those years of friendship, and those years together are thrown away?” Wasn’t it clear by ignoring my feelings? Wasn’t it clear when he compared my feelings to a contract? Wasn’t it clear by the tears falling down my cheeks?
“You did that all yourself when you let her fall onto your dick.”
I heard the door open – not surprised, having expected his arrival sooner than later. I watch as he takes a seat in the chair beside me, and all I can do is take a deep breath. Knowing what I knew, the conversation to come was obvious.
I knew he had left early this morning, and the reach out from Alex in saying he hopes I was okay meant Dad followed the advice I stupidly gave him last night. Sure, it was easier to have him learn from them because let’s face it, he would eventually. But did I really want my dad in my business? I was an adult after all.
Followed by that, I knew he had a photo shoot and video to do for SRX. I was excited to see him sign up to the series, and excited to see how it would turn out. It was fun watching him interact with old friends, whether that be Ray Everingham, or past fellow competitors. It was nice to see the lease on life he had – only wishing I was the same at his age.
I knew when he’d gotten home – having heard the car pull up in the driveway. I knew it’d be a matter of time until he approached – there’d just be a slight delay with Mom inside. I actually was hoping they’d get talking and forget about this for awhile.
“How are yo-” He starts, trying to keep things casual I assume. However, I didn’t need the babying – we both knew my feelings thanks to last night. Might as well kick the door wide open.
“You went and saw Alex and Ryan, right?” I question, just wanting to get that out of the way. If he had gone and seen them, great and if not, that was probably fine too.
“I did. I was actually surprised at what they had to say – from Alex telling me where things began, to how the tables have continued to turn. Every bit that they told me, it makes sens-”
“What did Ryan tell you? Did he tell you what truthfully happened?” I knew sending my dad to speak with them would get the answers I so desired as neither could probably get out of there with a lie or side-eye, frankly just like myself. Maybe that’s why I had done it, despite blaming on it annoyance in my state last night.
“He told me everythin-”
“Can you tell me?” I swallowed the lump in my throat, now scared for him to continue. I could tell by his voice it wasn’t the information neither of us probably wanted to hear, just as I figured once I spoke with him. I knew it was over then – and now it was time to face the music.
“I’d rather allow him to tell yo-”
“He has his chance, Dad. If he was going to tell me, that should’ve happened already.” Truthfully, if Ryan was really in love with me and cared about me, I would have hoped he’d tell me the next day out of regret, if not at most a week later. It was months now, a whole month way to long if you ask me.
“I know what he told you initially, and I’ll be honest, he has more that he should say. He is going to reach out to you – maybe today, or tomorrow, but soon. Now that I and Alex know the truth, he told me he would.” Considering Dad wasn’t going to tell me, I could always just reach out to Alex. He hadn’t lied to me so certainly he’d spill the can of beans all at once.
“Why won’t you just tell me?” He knew I was in agony and as a parent, that had to be the worst thing to watch your child suffer through – or at least that’s what they say. He could end everything with just a simple explanation.
“Chase, anybody could tell you – heck, I believe Isabelle sang like a canary to you.” Did Alex really have to repeat my own words? “You probably know the truth that something happened already in your heart; that’s why you’re so tore up or everything, needed the space from Ryan to try and convince yourself. Chase, the only way you get closure is simple – by hearing it from the source himself, in hearing what he did and why.” I hated to admit when he was right but a part of me deep down knew he was. It explained everything….
“Okay…” What else was I supposed to say?
“But do me one favor – hold your friends close, allow them in and see what you’re going through. You can’t do this alone, so having someone there to lean on, vent to, cry to is everything. I know you have Ma and me always, but friends are also benefi-”
“Are you implying Alex?” I had to ask given the fact he had just spent a good bit of time interacting with him that morning on a personal level. I was curious as to what he felt from the conversation, having gathered my own feelings – but worried they were clouded by everything else.
“Maybe, considering you both have talked a lot already and he knows what’s going on. There’s got to be some trust there I’d assume.” I couldn’t deny that as he was the only person I had openly said anything about everything to – outside of Ryan and Isabella of course. it was why I reached out to him that night, too.
“He seemed pushed off by my reques-”
“He was worried that you would do something that you’d regret. Chase, I know that you trust my judgment. I talked to him for a good bit and he shared a lot of feelings – about Ryan, what happened, and most importantly, you. They were genuine, heartfelt, and I can assure you that there is no ill-feelings about what happened. Don’t be afraid to lean on him.”
Taking a deep breath, I allowed myself to look towards my phone, back to the text that he had sent that morning. I hadn’t responded, not even sure what to say or react. Though hearing an argument for his character and assurance, maybe I should.
#12: Ryan Blaney, Team Penske, Ford Mustang Menards/Pennzoil and #48: Alex Bowman, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro Ally
Alex’s POV
April 19, 2021 – Charlotte, North Carolina
I took a deep breath as I pulled up to the meeting spot just by the airport, before allowing myself to get out of the car. Glancing around, it was clear – I was the first one here.
Last night was a blast – I can’t say that enough. Though I was awakened to a sickening feeling in seeing a text from Bill Elliott demanding a meeting with myself and Ryan just by the airport.
Basically, he was flying in and wanted to speak with us both – no exceptions. My heart worried at first, feeling as though the worst possible while I had one of the best highs of my life, except a second message thankfully cured those worries with assurance Chase was fine.
Now standing here, I felt a mixture of feelings. I wondered and was curious as to why we were having this meeting. What had happened? What caused Bill to become involved? Did he know about everything before? I also wondered as to what was about to happen, almost hopeful for the truth finally becoming known as this had seriously gone on long enough.
I’m only snapped from my thoughts in seeing the elder gentleman heading over my way, clearly having just landed not long ago. Oh to have the luxury of being able to go wherever you wanted whenever you wanted at the drop of a hat.
“Thank you for coming,” he tells me, to which I just nod my head in return. I was about to say that I’d do anything for your son, but wondered if I was becoming too pushy. “I hate to do this the morning after a win – which congratulations, but we need to talk.”
“It’s fine; I totally understand,” I tell him, which I did. I almost did spit out what I wanted to say. Truth be told, the hangover surprisingly wasn’t as bad as I planned on after the drinks we consumed.
It wasn’t long before another car pulled off, to which I recognized immediately. Any bit of happiness seemed drained as I watched Ryan join the three of us in a circle. It was because of his stupid ass that we were here today and stuck in this mess.
“I got a phone call from my son last night,” Bill starts, obviously catching my attention. Chase had a good relationship with his parents so why would a simple phone call catch him off-guard? “He had gone to the bar for some drinks, and wanted me to pick me up. I obviously went and got him, but all three of us know that’s not like him. So I asked about his reasons – and he wouldn’t tell me. Instead, he told me you knew it all – both of us. So speak, please.”
“Ask Alex as he’s made this a mess,” Ryan spits out immediately, causing my jaw drop. How was it my fault? All I did was speak the truth. I didn’t go break his heart, cheat on him and sleep with another woman. Seriously, where does he get off throwing me under a bus?
“I won’t back down from the fact that Chase deserved to know,” I retort, which was the absolute truth.
Whether something happened or nothing at all, he deserved to hear about a conversation that had happened. He deserved to know his boyfriend was thinking of turning his back on him. If nothing happened at all, it would’ve been simple and dealt with. However, I knew I made the right decision considering what else Ryan had gone and done following those words spoken. We knew there was a kiss as both admitted that, but Isabelle said more and I tend to believe with that girl based on his behavior.
“Know what?” Bill questions, causing me to swallow the lump in my throat. Were we really going here right now?
Taking a deep breath, I knew I couldn’t back out of the corner I was in, especially considering Ryan threw me under the bus head first. So I stuck to my guns and went with my gut, and said the truth. I told Bill about the conversation, even mentioning the deal that Ryan and Isabelle had together with Chase involved in case Bill wasn’t aware. I explained that the pair met afterwards, and since those conversations, Chase and Ryan have been distant for each their own reasons.
It actually felt good to get everything off my chest for once and be able to tell someone everything that happened. I had been holding it in, unable to share due to not wanting to spread secrets as quite frankly, it wasn’t my department. I had paraphrased the events to Jimmie without dropping names, but it wasn’t the same. Now someone else could see what was going on through this group for the past couple months.
“Ryan says nothing happened, but it seems Isabelle sang like a canary per Chase,” I finish it off. I was about to specify the words that she told him as repeated to me, but I figured that was enough sting in its own. Besides, maybe it’d cause Ryan to finally be honest.
“I knew this wasn’t going to work between you and Chase,” Bill says immediately, to which causes my jaw to drop. Frankly, I thought Ryan and Chase were tight as ever, no issues at all, no chances of failure with everything example of their friendship. But Bill had doubts from the beginning? See, I wasn’t the only one questioning everything now.
“Why?” Ryan questions, obviously caught off-guard by his comment as I was. “Because it’s not the image you’d expect.” Truth be told, I didn’t know how Bill and Cindy looked at everything from the beginning, whether or not they had approval on this. So I couldn’t make a comment.
“I’m not judging based on that; I don’t do that.” Okay, that’s a relief…. “But I knew it wouldn’t work due to Isabelle. I knew from the day she entered the picture. I knew from the glances at the pageant, the conversation. I knew the way you looked at each other that something was going on there. I just can’t believe you’d do this after knowing what happened.” So Chase wasn’t wrong in those words and just making assumptions based on his feeling being hurt as other people could see it. Truthfully, I could even see that chemistry between Ryan and Isabelle and that says a lot, considering I’m not the best at relationships myself.
“Who says I did?” Is he really going to try and deny it? He’s just digging a deeper hole for himself. The first step to forgiveness is admitting what you did wrong, and you’d think he’d want to create forgiveness with Chase somehow.
“Isabelle sang like a canary says something happened.” I’m glad Bill wasn’t buying his crap right now.
“Fine, believe her over me just like Chase. I see what commitment seems to earn you in this family.” It’s one thing to deny something. It’s another to add insult to injury, and that’s what he just did. Does Ryan even think before he speaks sometimes?
“Alex, what else do you know?” Woah, okay, I wasn’t expecting that question. I thought Bill would have something to say about Ryan’s comment – oh wait, that’d be a waste of time considering the comments and games that ass has been playing. I can see where he’s going here.
“I’ve been offering him support, being there as a friend since breaking the news,” I start, feeling it was only right to offer that. I didn’t leave him high and dry like someone else here, and Bill probably wondered if that was the case based on the direct hit in wanting this meeting. “I’ve seen signs of this happening. I didn’t think it was this bad, though.”
“If only you knew what happened with Kaitlyn,” he comments, and it makes me wonder. What all happened? Obviously she hurt him and played him, but to what extent? The fact that both Ryan and Bill have harped on that makes me begin to wonder even more.
“Everybody knows something happened, some more than others.” I was one of those who knew more, knew the games went further than you’d normally expect. To what extent? Well, that was up to someone to inform me, and I’d prefer Chase to do so himself. “I tried to be delicate knowing it wasn’t the first time he’s been screwed over, still in disbelief a friend would do it over again.”
“If you knew, why didn’t you mention it to someone?” Does anybody understand the boundaries of privacy? We all go through break-ups and some people are more private about theirs than others. Chase is a quiet guy so you had to assume he didn’t want everyone knowing. I just figured he’d tell Bill when he was ready.
“I wanted to respect his privacy and feelings, figuring he’d tell you when the time was right. I should’ve known it’d take a nose dive after the other night.”
That feeling I felt yesterday, the high of winning, there wasn’t an ounce left as I thought about Chase right now. He had come to me, absolutely in pain and vulnerable, and I turned down every advance that he made. I just made him feel smaller – and probably led to what Bill found last night.
“What did you do, Bowman?” Ryan questions and I really had to take a double take in that question. Did he really just ask me that? He goes and cheats on him, but now I’m the monster?
“Nothing in comparison or could comes close to what you did, Blaney,” I retort, which was the absolute truth. You don’t sleep with someone else when you care about someone deeply, enough to not want to hurt them.
“Arguing isn’t helping,” Bill states, obviously grounding us both immediately, hopefully, as that was probably the sternest tone I’ve heard out of that man’s mouth. “What happened, Alex, please?”
I didn’t want to say anything. I just wanted to keep the interaction between us. This was our personal interaction, first time really connecting. I wanted to reach out to him, explain, assure him that I’d be there. But instead, I had a father’s eyes beaming down on me, wanting to know everything. I couldn’t just not say anything at this point.
“He was feeling the hurt of everything the other night,” I start off after another deep breath. Here goes nothing. “He expressed that to me. He then asked me to make him feel loved, feel important. He asked me to go to that next stage. I couldn’t do it. I told him no. He begged me but I kept insisting I don’t do that. I explained why, I offered other things that we could do – talk, play a game for a distraction, company, but I couldn’t do what he wanted.”
I then stop, debating my next set of words. Standing here, facing the music of everything, looking back over those past couple of weeks, and now defending everything to one of the most important people in his life – I couldn’t deny it any longer.
I actually had a real growing crush for Chase. It wasn’t just like the odd glance at his way, admiring features, loving personality. It had grown way deeper than that.
“Don’t get me wrong – I will admit to you that I did,” I actually allow myself to finally say it out loud. Ryan was right – part of this motivation to do this was maybe driven by my own feelings. “I wanted to offer him what he was missing and make him feel better more than anything. But I told myself I wouldn’t take advantage of the situation. He was only asking due to the pain, wanting a distraction. What if he regretted it the next day? What if he never forgave me? I didn’t want to hurt him, or do anything wrong by him.”
My eyes immediately head towards Ryan, darted at him. That’s what Ryan had done. That’s why we were in this mess to begin with, and part of me wanted to thank him now for letting me see the light.
“I didn’t want to cause anymore pain,” I allow myself to continue, eyes still stuck on Ryan. I wanted it to be clear as to what happened. “I didn’t want to take advantage of him. I didn’t want to repeat a cycle that we’ve sucked ourselves into. I know he’s hurting right now, but there’s still unknowns and what if this scrambled picture isn’t such a big mess? I told him to consider everything, think it over, make sure he knows what he’s doing with a clear mind before he does anything he may regret. I told him to think about what happened over and over, think over what both Ryan and Isabelle told him, the whole picture. Make sure we have the facts before we even try to move forward, whether that’s us together or separately.”
The remaining bricks that were on my shoulders? They were removed by saying those simple words, by letting my feelings just spill out and all over the place. Bill knew. I myself knew the truth. Ryan even knew.
“Why in the world would you think that things could be fixed, Alex, if the betrayal is real?” Bill asks, and to be honest, those weren’t the first words I was expecting from him. I was thinking he’d comment about what happened the other night, or my feelings. Instead, he asked me that.
To be honest, he was right in his words. It’s why I wanted to get everything out in the open, and allow Chase to see the real true colors which Ryan had dished. It’s why even having a debate about everything didn’t even feel right.
“Repeating the cycle doesn’t solve any problems but makes them worse,” he continues, which he was right. “Chase knows that.”
“Because we don’t know everythin-” I begin before I can even stop myself. There goes that doubt once again, winning me over.
“You said Isabelle sang like a canary.” I guess I couldn’t back out of this, once again. Now it was time to turn the page to another chapter of this story, and give Bill another dose of knowledge. Why was Chase having doubts in what to do? Why was everything still clouded and murky?
“Chase told me she admitted everything, but is there proof? Nope. We’ve all established there’s feelings between her and Ryan to some degree. We don’t know how far they go either way, do we? What if Isabelle sees this as her window of opportunity to create a divide, and pounce on Ryan? Make Chase create distance based on a tall tale, get Ryan leftover by himself. Ryan never admitted anything. Maybe that’s because there’s nothing to admit.” I honestly didn’t believe my own words.
To be honest, I could see the guilt in Ryan all the way through. The fact he wouldn’t admit the kiss until forced into a corner. The fact he didn’t want Chase to know about the discussion. The fact anytime I asked him about it, he tried to throw me under a bus. The fact that he was so defensive in talking about nothing he was involved in.
“Oh, so now you give me the benefit of the doubt after sending Chase off a deep end?” Ryan questions, to which I have to laugh. That plays exactly into what I was just thinking. You are just writing a deeper hole for yourself, Blaney.
“Let’s be clear – you did that by simply creating the smallest rift and shadow of a doubt by even taking a look her wa-” I snap back in return, because frankly, I had enough of being run over by him when I’ve done nothing wrong.
“You told hi-” Sorry, not this time buddy. Here comes your dose of a bus.
“….and I’d still do it 100 times over. He deserves the truth regardless. Roles reversed and I bet you’d like to know the truth. Look, I don’t know whether something happened or not that night. Situation and conversation says it did, but I don’t know you. I don’t know when you’re being truthful or not. I don’t know you well enough to see through everything. That’s why I’ve just tried to listen to what Chase has told me and be there as a friend – nothing more, as he goes through this. I’ve got my heart stomped on and I know it hurts like a son of a bitch to do it alone. That’s why I wanted to be a friend.” That was why I initially told him, and that’s why I went back to check on him not once – but twice, feelings aside. The feelings simply came secondary to everything.
“Unlike you, I’ve been around Ryan a very long time,” Bill starts, obviously catching all of our attention within seconds. Now I was really intrigued as to what he had to say. “So I am going to ask you once and for all and I want you to be honest with me, Ryan, completely to a fault. Did anything beyond the diner conversation happen between you and Isabelle?”
“How do I know you’ll believe me and know I’m saying the truth?” Ryan questions, and I just smile. There’s the deniability to a fault once again. Just say it already, dumbass!
“Like I said to Alex, I’ve known you a long time. I can tell a lie. It’s time to settle this. What happened?”
Those next couple minutes, there was many emotions that came crashing down at once as he confessed the initial feelings, the conversation, the night after the conversation, and the nights that seemed to follow. Only one of those went all the way, but once is too much. If you can do it once, than says enough.
Celebratory, caught in the moment was how he described it in knowing it came after his victory. Well geez, I guess if I fell on someone’s crotch last night it’d be from the high.
I felt anger. I felt betrayal. I felt sadness. I felt every single of those emotions for Chase, and made me want to get in my car and drive all the way to Georgia to just hold and hug him. How could Ryan even do this? Furthermore, why would he do this if he truly loved him, no matter how he felt for Isabelle?
Though instead, I was stuck there. I knew as soon as this meeting was done, I had to go to the shop. There were more interviews to be done following the win, and I didn’t know if I could get through those. Yes, I was happy about the win and proud of the team. Yes, it felt like everything I could imagine. There’s no denying those emotions and there were all still there beyond anything. But the other side of me had a crushed heart in thinking about my friend.
“Can I have a couple days?” Ryan’s question breaks me out of concentration. Is he fucking kidding me? First, he stomps on his heart – not once, but multiple times, and now he wants to be given time.
“Seriously?” I ask, biting my tongue because I was ready to tell his sorry ass off, again.
“Alex, please…” Bill begs, which surprised me just a bit more. He had just learned this man had cheated and betrayed his son, but yet he was going to offer forgiveness. I’m sorry, but I don’t have the strength in time to dare offer that.
“I just don’t know how to tell him,” Ryan explains, to which I have to laugh. You’ve had two months to debate how to do that. I think you should know how by now. “I don’t know what to say. I can’t just do it…”
“Do you love him?” Okay, seriously? This was the same guy that said just moments earlier that you can’t continue the cycle of betrayal and allow everything to happen again and again. And I’m sorry, but anybody that can cause this much pain doesn’t know love.
“Absolutely. I mean, damn, isn’t it obvious?” That’s very questionable considering the bulk of evidence I’ve collected.
“They say if you love something, sometimes you love it enough to let it go. Maybe that’s what you need to do. Actually, I know that’s what you need to do as this isn’t forgivable.” Ah yes, the voice of reason finally shined through. Thank you! I’m glad that Bill hadn’t changed his stance or I may lash out at ‘em both, something I didn’t want to quite do might I add. “I need to go because I am going to be late, and I don’t want to be late today. I suggest you do what you need to do…”
“Okay.” Wait, did Ryan just agree to admitting it without a fight or question? Was he finally showing signs of regret?
“Alex, I’m sorry I snapped at you.” Okay, now that surprised me even more. I wasn’t expecting an apology. Frankly, there was nothing in this discussion that deserved an apology.
“Why?” I question, still surprised. “For being angry? Frustrated? You have every right as you’re his father.” Anybody who cared about someone and saw the pain that Chase was in would feel the same way. They would do whatever it took, and sometimes push limits, to ensure they felt better and understood what to do to help. Sure, Bill may have pushed some of my buttons today, but damn, this was much needed.
“I also know that I’m glad, too. I’m glad that he has a friend whom he can count on to be there and do the right thing. Thank you, Alex.”
#9: Chase Elliott, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro NAPA Auto Parts
Chase’s POV
April 18, 2021
Congratulations on the win, was the simple text that I sent to Alex after the race, before flying my ass back home. I would’ve stuck around normally to congratulate my teammate, but I couldn’t face him after everything.
Truth be told, I was glad to see him win. It was nice to see the team have success and overall, I guess he was a good guy. I mean, he was willing to go out of his way to a degree for me.
I really liked Alex. He had this perfect sweetness to him, but a fun side that I just couldn’t wait to unravel. It had me wondering just else I would learn about him if we go the chance to know each other more.
I tried to get to know him more, but he shot me down immediately. I was upset and heartbroken. He had poured himself out to me, checked on me more than once, just for him to slam the door in my face at the perfect opportunity.
I understood his reasons, though, as he was right. I hadn’t closed that door with Ryan quite yet. Actually, I still hadn’t talked to him. I couldn’t bring myself to face him after speaking with Isabelle and learning the truth. I couldn’t bring myself to ask questions, wonder what could be – maybe because I still didn’t want it to be true.
How could he had done this to me?
It was why I wasn’t surprised upon landing in Georgia that I was sitting here before a table with a drink on it, and it wasn’t the first drink on the table that night.
While everybody was celebrating his win, here I was trying to drown sorrows. It didn’t help on top of being upset and confused about Ryan and Alex that today just sucked. It didn’t matter what we tried today at Richmond, nothing seemed to work. We were just stuck in the same rut, fighting similar handling issues every single run, unable to make any ground no matter what we tried.
Why was a place that seemed so simple to run so hard?
I guess I ended up having more drinks than I realized as it was a couple hours later before I realized the glasses on the table. But, I am smart here. I at least knew the right thing and called my father, asking him to give me a ride home.
“Can I ask why?” He asks as we leave upon him showing up. I knew immediately asking him was going to result in questions as this was a very, very rare occurrence. I didn’t want to answer these questions, as again it’d be another slap in the face about everything.
“Do I have to have a reason?” I question back in response, hoping he’d drop it quicker than later. “I thought I’d have a couple drinks.” People did that, right?
“It’s not like you,” which is true – I admit it. The alcohol only normally comes out if hanging with friends, and I am one of those who actually knows their limit. Though thanks to Ryan, it seemed to be coming out more often. You have to understand why – nobody would want to dwell in this pain. “I’ve noticed you’re quieter than normal. Is something going on?”
“If you’re asking, you’ve already figured it out.” He knew me better than most, and could always read when something was wrong. It’s why my parents were the first ones to discover Kaitlyn was just wrong for me and needed to go with the unhealthy cycle we were living in.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Whoever wants to talk about their relationship and pain? I know everybody says ‘oh, you should talk to someone, see a professional,’ but we know nobody wants to actually speak about it, reliving those emotions.
“No.”
“Not talking makes it worse,” which was probably the only reason people wound up talking about it. Truth be told, that wasn’t happening quite yet – I wasn’t ready.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” It was that simple. I was a grown adult so I was owed that, right?
Ugh, there goes my phone. Who would be bothering to text me tonight? Ryan knew I wanted distance and probably had grown used to someone else filling his time, and Alex should be having the party of a lifetime.
“You should answer that, maybe,” my dad suggests, bringing a chuckle to me.
“Why?” I question back in response, actually curious as to his reasoning. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Ryan matters, or so I thought.” I hadn’t even looked at the caller ID to see if it was him – what if it was? No, I couldn’t dare glance just in case.
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” The more I say, the more I am getting closer to just shouting everything so he gets off my damn back. Maybe if he knew everything I was dealing with again, he’d let this topic go.
“Fine, but you can’t do this over and over.” This was the first time he had to pick me up in a very, very long time. How could he tell something was going on? How did he know what I was doing?
“IF I knew this required a conversation, I would’ve just called a ride share.” I may have had to wait a couple more minutes, and pay some ridiculous fee, but it would’ve been better than a headache.
“I’m just looking out for you. Let me help you.” The last person who said that to me ended up hurting me just as much as the first person. I know Dad could never do that, but I also knew he’d probably clear up this unnecessary confusion over what happened and that’d bring more pain – probably.
“That’s what Alex said. It didn’t get him far.” That slipped out way before I wanted – or even intended. I never meant to say those words. Chase, what the hell are you doing?
“Bowman?” I guess I had no chance of going back any longer because unfortunately, I didn’t have the ability to lie to my parents.
“Sure. Want to know what’s going on? Ask Ryan and Alex. They seem to know more than I do.”
#48: Alex Bowman, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro Ally
Alex’s POV
Monday, April 12 – Dawsonville, Georgia
There was something that told me after the confrontation with Ryan that I needed to make another trip to Georgia, so here I am.
Let’s face it – Ryan wasn’t budging, always deflecting, clearly has something to hide. It also was clear that there was no forgiveness going around based on nobody feeling better. Even with Chase’s runner-up, I could see in those post-race videos that he was still hurting deep down.
So here I was, once again in Dawsonville, once again at his house, and once again had made my way inside. It was perhaps a good idea considering that yet again, Jack found his way on the counter.
“I can’t keep finding you like this,” I tell him, smelling the alcohol on his breath once again. It was clear this probably wasn’t the first glass to touch the counter tonight. “Actually, more like I hate finding you like this. I hate seeing this, Chase….”
“Then help me,” he offers, to which I was easily ready to accept. It’s why I made the pain staking drive to Georgia despite having a long day of my own between HMS meetings with Gregory, and tearing down the sprint car with the guys. “Make it go away. Give me the freedom from it for one night and show me what it’s like to be loved. Be with me, Alex…”
Did he just say what he think he said? I’m sorry, but I need a rewind and a repeat here. there’s no way he just offered what I think he offered.
First of all, I care about him as a friend. I care about him as a real dear friend teammate. I am willing to do whatever it takes in the friendship realm. However, I’ve never gone there with someone of that gender.
Truth be told, if there was someone, it may be him. After all, there were just certain features about him which always caught my eye – making temptation a little tough right now, admittedly.
Was this really happening?
“I want to help you and be there for you,” I start, very carefully might I add as I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. Temptation was easy to give into – but I couldn’t go there quite yet. I wasn’t sure it was the right step for myself, and was that really the right cure tonight? “That’s why I came to see you. That’s why I am allowing you to talk to me, sound off on me, pour your heart out. So please tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I think we both know the truth and reality here,” he tells me, which no doubt was him seeing the same thing I saw in Ryan’s behavior and words. It also didn’t help that Isabelle backed it up in saying something happened. “Words, feelings – we both know it’s simply pain. That’s why I want you to help me forget.”
“Forgetting doesn’t make it go away forever.” I knew that better than anyone as it took me longer than intended to get my ex off of my mind.
“I know, but it gives me relief and freedom. Give me that, Alex…”
Did I mention how difficult it wasn’t to just give in to his demands, allow him a reason to be happy and release? Did I mention how hot he was, too?
“I know you’re not just here as a friend,” he tells me, placing his hand on top of his. How was his hand so soft and tender? “I know there’s more there, Alex. Give in and enter the world – give me the escape I deserve.”
“Part of me wants to say yes,” I admit to him, finally allowing myself to embrace the temptation, and see what these feelings entailed. What if this was truly happening? What if I was truly attracted to him and wanted this? “But I can’t do-”
“It’s okay to admit to these feelings, Alex…” He probably knew what I was going through as he had probably been here before in interacting with Ryan, wondering if was real. I wonder who made the first move – damn it, focus Alex before you lose train of thought and give in to every feeling you felt.
“I’d rather wait – for now. Maybe you’re right, maybe we’re wrong. But I don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret out of pain and anger for what happened.” We all knew the drill. Someone gets cheated on, feels their heart was stomped on, and does something they regret in an effort to ease the pain – whether lash out and attack, or go down a different road. I didn’t want Chase coming back angry at me before because I simply gave into those feelings. After all, wasn’t that what Kaitlyn partially did to him over and over before?
“I can promise you that I won’t regre-”
“Maybe, but Chase, I’d still rather wait until the dust has fully settled and you know what you’re going to do about your future with Ryan and Isabelle. What if you decide to forgive because she lied and it was just a simple kiss? Do you want to go back to him with a dirty little secret of your own?” I knew Chase and the answer would be no. He wasn’t the type to do betrayal on someone no matter the terms or reason.
“No, but you said it yourself – I can’t keep doing what I am doing. I need a reason to escap-”
“No, you need to face the feelings, face what is before you, talk about it, and decide which road you want to go down. That’s the only way through this.” I hated to be frank and direct, but if I tried any other route, I know it’d end up with him twisting my arm with temptation and us lying together. “I know it’s hard, extra hard because you’ve been here before with Kaitlyn. I know it’s difficult to relive all of those feelings, but Chase, it needs to be done. Masking it away, erasing it, trying to free your mind will just bring it all back the next day once again.”
“You don’t understan-”
“I do, because I’ve been through a break-up of my own. It wasn’t this painful, but I know it’s not easy.” And that’s why for most people, it was the worst experience, something they never vowed to repeat, and something they tried to avoid at all costs.
How could the sweetest human being right before me now faced with this two times in a row? That question alone just made me want to wrap my arms around him, hold him, and give into his demands so he didn’t have to feel this way.
“Just one night, Alex…” He offers once again, getting another head shake from me. No matter what my heart was saying, I needed to listen to my brain – for all the reasons stated.
“How about we talk things over, or maybe play a game together?” I suggest, knowing we needed to get away from this topic before I dropped all barriers and just gave in – and before he noticed the bulge in my pants.
“Please, Alex…” Why was he making this so difficult?
“I can’t do it, no matter what you say. I’m sorry, but that’s not me…..”
Emily sat on the doctor’s bed, glancing around the room feeling a bit in the dark in hearing his words for her.
“So the reason for all of this is Anemia?” She repeats the diagnosis just given to her by the doctor before her, to which he nods his head in return.
“That is correct,” the doctor responds as he watches her carefully. “Anemia is having a lack of blood cells – whether caused due to lack of production, or your body eating them.” Emily felt her stomach turn in hearing those words. It meant they still didn’t know the reason.
“So now you need to discover as to why…” The doctor nods his head as he opens the folder before him.
“I am actually surprised this diagnosis wasn’t found sooner, to be honest. A simple blood test is all that’s required. I would imagine with California’s stricter COVID regulations right now there was a wait for tests and things not happening accordingly.” Emily glances towards Paige with a sly smile – maybe it was a good idea Noah convinced her to say something and head back to Georgia with her. “I don’t think you have anything cancer related, so that’s a good thing.”
“But what does she have?” Paige wonders, feeling no relaxation in knowing that word was out of the picture. There were several things her sister could be facing without that on the table.
“It could be simple as a vitamin deficiency – lacking either iron or Vitamin B-12. Those are easily handled as we give you supplements, and your body gets back on-track with producing red blood cells. Another reason could be inflammation due to arthritis or kidney disease – again, those are both able to managed and treated.” Emily knew what that meant as well – they’d be lifelong and this would be something she’d be handling forever.
“So what am I supposed to do now while I continue being a science experiment?” Paige hated to hear her sister utter those words, knowing it was a definition of being helpless with countless questions and knowing more tests were ahead.
“I want to run another blood test and check for everything that I listed. I want to see what the results as one of those should come back off, and we can go from there. Until then, I am going to suggest some changes to your diet as certain foods can help with the production of blood cells. It will allow you to manage symptoms until we know the cause. If things get worse, then we may need you to check in to the hospital.” Emily swallows the lump in her throat, not wanting to imagine things getting worse or being stuck in that situation. She was dealing with experts so they’d certainly get answers before then.
“Is there anything else that we can do at home to help her?” Paige questions, wanting to do whatever she could to prevent the extreme as the worry was easily written on the face before her.
“Other than offering her as much comfort as you can for symptoms, there is not much else you can do,” the doctor explains, deflating every bit of extra hope Paige had in becoming special here.
“How soon can we get the tests going?” Emily asks, not wanting to waste any time.
She had already wasted enough in dealing with a delay in diagnosis. Why should she bother to waste more?
The additional blood work did not take long – another needle in the arm with more red liquid acquired. She was then sent on her way, with a promise from the doctor he would address her as soon as she could.
“You can stop overbearing worrying about me,” Emily comments on the drive back home. “I can see it in your face. I am going to be okay as they know the caus-”
“They don’t know why, and I know you’re worried just as much as I am based on your reaction,” Paige cuts her off, not wanting to hear any voice of reason on the topic. There was nothing that would change how she was feeling right now.
“That doesn’t mean you need to pour all of your energy into it. I can handle this. I am a grown adult.” Paige takes a deep breath, believing in her sister’s strength in having seen what they went through together. However, it still didn’t change her route.
“It gives me something to do rather than think about things.” Emily looks over intrigued by the comment as it was rare that her sister allowed the door of discussion to be open.
“Do I want to know what’s on your mind?” Paige lets out a sigh, wishing she hadn’t said anything – but it wasn’t like she could take it any longer. Normally she’d voice her concerns to Samantha, but that was hard when Samantha was the reason. She knew she could go to Alexis, but what if Alexis turned the tables and went straight back to Samantha?
“Have you noticed Chase and Samantha spending a lot of time together?” Emily was now ultra confused as she shook her head no. “They were talking during the Bristol rain delay, as well as once again at Martinsville. She even handed him an envelope with something in it.”
“Well, Samantha is a private investigator. Maybe Chase asked her to look into someone or something for him.” Paige wouldn’t doubt that being the case, as everybody knew of Samantha’s abilities. However, it still felt off.
“He hasn’t shared a single detail with me. We share everything, Emily. That’s what makes this so od-”
“Do you think they’re seeing each other?” Paige’s jaw drops in pure shock and horror, though admittedly, the thought very briefly had crossed her mind.
“I don’t think so. Chase wouldn’t do that to me. That’s not Chase. He isn’t the type of person to go stab someone behind the back, and sleep with his best friend’s girlfriend. I just wish I knew why they were spending time together – and what was going on. I shared everything with him – every absolute detail of what we went through. I’d hope that would mean he could do the same.” Emily takes a deep breath, having believed that to be the case with her and Noah, and it was so far. Now seeing the doubt in her sister’s eyes, it created doubt for herself. What if that happened down the road with Noah?
“Why don’t you ask him?” Paige knew that’d solve all the problems, and even was about to at Martinsville. However, she felt like it was too pushy – would set off alarms in being overly curious and nervous. Besides, it wasn’t like he was the only person talking to someone else right now.
“Because I am having my own doubts and second thoughts on things right now. I ran into Austin and it brought everything back from his constant trips to the house, to our nights together. I can’t get him out of my mind and wonder what could’ve been if we would’ve stayed doing that.” Emily wanted to puke, as she had hated the string of events in occurrence. She knew Austin was just her dirty little secret, and nothing more. She was glad to see it end worth a genuine meeting with Chase
“Please tell me you haven’t hoo-”
“Emily Porter, you damn well know your sister better than that!” Emily was taken back by the sudden shout, but knew it was probably deserving. “Austin offered to be a friend, talk, rekindle some discussion while respecting I was ready to move forward with Chase. I turned him down because we were never the talking type, and I’m honestly afraid of what could happen if we were left alone together.”
“You told me you absolutely loved Chase. You told me he completed your world. You told me you couldn’t believe how much he touched you, changed you, believed in you – and was so grateful for that meeting at the café. If all that is true, there is nothing that can break the bond you have together – and allowing Austin to have any power of that goes against it.” Paige knew her sister was right, remembering the words they shared in private about the relationship.
“I think it goes back to the trust issues. I am scared of repeating our parents mistakes by diving into so much trust, that maybe I am willing to allow myself to fall back on something that isn’t so divulging. Is it weird? Sure. But isn’t that the definition of our parents?” Emily wanted to chuckle, but kept a straight face as she nodded her head.
“Just promise me that you’ll be honest the whole way through. Don’t repeat their mistakes in filling minds with lies, and don’t break Chase too harshly if you go down a new route as he doesn’t deserve it after everything he’s done for us.” Paige nods her head, having already repeated that to herself multiple times already.
Unease seemed to be the name of the game on Monday, as Alanna was feeling the same way a couple states over. While comfort was supposed to come with moving in with Ryan and Samantha, that obviously wasn’t the case as of this night.
8:30pm Where are you, Alanna?
8:35pm You know I am going to find you.
8:40pm I have people that will find you.
8:45pm You can’t hide from me. You need to be paid your lesson for your trouble.
Alanna takes a deep breath, trying to ignore every urge to scream or cry as she read the messages.
He couldn’t hurt her anymore. He didn’t know where she was. He wasn’t near her anymore. He didn’t have the power to control her. There was no way his threats would be a reality – they were just empty comments to manipulate feelings.
It was why she allowed her hand to highlight his name in her contacts, open it, and place the finger above the block button. She almost hit it – though froze. She couldn’t bring herself to do it.
She had to know where he was, what he was doing, and whether he was breathing. She had to know so she had the upper hand of control. She also knew if she ever grew the courage to tell someone some day, she needed him there so he could be found.
She then closes the thread, telling herself to not open it up once again despite going off another five times with more messages that followed. She instead tried to focus on other things – like the book in her hands, but wound up stuck on the same page for next five minutes as her eyes traced their way back to their phone.
“You look spaced out there Alanna,” she hears, snapping her from every thought as she about jumps out of her skin in looking towards the doorway. “Easy now….”
“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you and I was so wrapped up in this book,” Alanna comments as Samantha enters the room, peering her eyes into her friend’s lap.
“Haven’t you read Twilight like five times already? You’d think you’d know the story to not get that wrapped in….” Alanna forced a light chuckle, but felt every nerve course through her body in knowing Samantha was reading over her quickly. “I wanted to come let you know that I may be making a trip up to Georgia this week and possibly next. I have a doctor that I need to go see in relation to my adoption scenario.”
“That’s fine. I mean, just because I am here now I don’t want to stand in your way.” Alanna also hoped it didn’t result in her friends getting hurt for their favor, either.
“And if that pans out, Ryan may come up with me on a future trip. You’re welcome to join us, or stay here by yourse-”
“I’d love to travel up to Georgia and check out things.” She knew she couldn’t take a chance of being by herself.
“Awesome.” Samantha then sits down on the bed, eyes still focused on Alanna. “I haven’t been totally forthcoming but my act of going to see the doctor is just a step in putting together the pieces of everything. An original person involved told me the date and state of my birth – and it aligned with Chase’s. Ryan and I snuck a DNA test, and it came up a match. Chase and I did a secondary test following our discussion, and it was a match, as well. The doctor visit is just to get answers, to try and understand clarity as to how and why this happened before we go forth to his – our parents.”
“I’m happy for you, truthfully. It’s nice to see that you were able to get answers.” Samantha takes a deep breath, nodding her head as it was certainly a nice feeling – despite the remaining mixed feelings that were in play.
“I just feel terrible that I could not give you the same answ-”
“What if that’s why you cannot find those answers for me? What if there’s no trace due to a whole identity hidden and swap?” Samantha freezes upon those words, remembering her original proposal to Dr. Shepherd in wanting him to check into her case – and how quickly he turned the offer away. Seeing the pleading eyes before her, though, she wondered if maybe she owed him a second phone call.
“It’s possible. I am still learning about how this all works and why, but certainly you’re right that I can’t be the only one and it’d explain a lack of paper trail. Maybe this is a blessing – for us both. I get a family that I never knew I had that’s amazing, and you may finally get the answers you hoped for.”
#12: Ryan Blaney, Team Penske, Ford Mustang Menards/Pennzoil and #48: Alex Bowman, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro Ally
Alex’s POV
Sunday, April 11 – Martinsville Speedway
What if? If only.
Those were the phases that I kept uttering through my head as I swung my bag on my back and made the plan to get the hell out of there as quick as I could.
It’d taken my entire career to date, but I think I finally found the secret to Martinsville that my teammates claim to have. I finally was able to hold my own at the front of the field – maybe that was just how strong of a car Greg had and probably would’ve dominated with someone who knew what they were doing behind the wheel.
Then it fell apart, piece by piece. First the loose wheel – honest mistake by the crew member, but frustrating regardless as he should know what he is doing. Then the parking lot on the backstretch. How do you not see a bunch of wrecked cars in front of you? How do you not see a bunch of stopped cars and think of even hitting your brakes? But no, not the greatest stock car drivers in the world in the Cup Series. They instead push you right into the parked cars and cause you damage.
The only thing that gave me satisfaction on the day was seeing Chase have a solid run. No doubt the up and down start to the season was probably not helping everything else going on right now, and if a runner-up could even bring a smile to his face for a bit than that was a good thing.
Maybe there was extra satisfaction in seeing Ryan’s dominating day turned upside down as well. Couldn’t help but snicker in hearing he had to start from the tail of the field after running over the air hose. Couldn’t help but smile in watching the No. 12 cross the finish line in 11th rather than in the top-five where he seemingly ran all day. That’s karma for you – she can be a lovely bitch as they say.
“So, how did it feel to get wrecked by your best friend at The Clash?” I spew out as I see him heading to the same parking lot that I was. “If he truly loved you, he wouldn’t have pulled that move.”
Maybe it was built up aggression over this situation, maybe it was frustration over my own day, or maybe it was purely directed at him in caring for Chase having seen him at his worst. But those words just came tumbling out without any reservation or care.
“See, that’s where you don’t know Chase,” he starts, having spun around to caught my attention. Truth be told, I think I knew my teammate much better than him right now with everything that has happened. “We’re both drivers. We’ll do whatever it takes to win. I bet you’re just having fun with this…” Okay, that was a new level of disgust. Who in their mind would be having fun watching someone suffer in heartbreak, let alone their best friend?
“Why would I have fun at watching someone’s heart ripped apart and torn?” I offer, because I truly had to know. Only someone who was sick would get joy from this experience. “Why would I get joy in watching you stomp on Chase’s heart when you’re one of a few people that he trusts beyond anyone in this world?”
“How do we know that your feelings for Chase are genuine?” He didn’t answer my question – instead turned the focus on me. That seemed to be Ryan’s MO when it came to any of these discussions. It was like he wanted to avoid anything focused on him – probably in fear of the whole truth coming out, as I still suspected there was more than he was saying going on.
“How do we know that yours are?” I’m sorry, but I had to ask. The only way I was going to get anywhere with this was figuring out what he was hiding. “Maybe you just stayed with him to keep Isabelle around, afraid if you revealed the truth that she would run.”
I didn’t genuinely believe that theory – feeling he stuck with Chase because of feelings. However, I think everything came to a head – hence the confession that night in the restaurant, and now he was going back and forth on those feelings. Maybe he acted on those feelings – maybe he meant it and felt something he wanted, or maybe he regretted it now and didn’t know what to do.
Essentially, we were in a situation of Ryan being stuck in love with two people, and wondering just far he rolled the dice between them. I could’ve told him that, tried to understand his position. But anybody who cheats on a best friend of mine doesn’t deserve an ounce of sympathy, hence taking the more direct approach. Maybe the other one would get more results, but this one made my heart feel better.
“How do we know that anybody can trust you?” He asks, once again turning the tables back on me. Continued deflection typically means you have something to hide, hoping to expose something in the other person so they’re not believed if the truth shall be revealed. “After all, you’re the one known for games behind people’s back…” That was also a lie, as I can assure you that’s not how things went down, no matter what anybody says.
“That wasn’t a game, Ryan. That was called a difference of opinion.” She wanted me to focus more on her, our life together, and give up some of the fun – and I wasn’t about to do that. I told her the fun and cars and racing life came with me, take it or leave it. She didn’t want it, so she walked away and here we are. Now, is that playing games? “I never cheated on her, or did anything to betray her trust – unlike you.” At least we were able to talk about our differences and lay the groundwork, rather than create this world of deception and wonder. I should get some credit for that.
“You don’t truly understand Chase.” Deflection – again, and pretty sure I understand Chase more than he does right now as I know what he did is probably the worst thing he could have done. “Things weren’t what they seemed to be with Kaitlyn.” There’s many things that I could say about her, how she handled things, and the way everything seemingly went down there. But right now – she wasn’t the problem, but rather this idiot before me.
“Anybody could tell…” I decided to play along, though. I decided to play into the cards as frankly, he proved he wasn’t the all mighty only person that could read what Chase was thinking and feeling. I could give you a book of evidence in how she played him, and was with him way longer than she should have been.
“No, I mean it goes beyond that.” I suspected that based on his reaction to Ryan – wanting to mask everything and not feel. I suspected this hurt deeper because of being a repeat of his heart being stomped on, and I suspected this hurt deeper because of Ryan knowing everything. But I wasn’t about to show that card yet – well, quite yet. Actually, showing that card could probably hit the right nerve Ryan deserved to have pulled.
“And now here we are and you’ve hurt him the same way. How does that make you feel, Ryan?” If he wants to continue deflecting to talking about myself, Chase, or Kaitlyn, then I am going to turn the tables right back on him. It only seemed damn fair.
“Fuck you.” 10 points for Bowman – or maybe 20 considering how hard that comment looks to have stunned him. That was perfection.
You can tell something happened by how he reacted, how he knows what I am saying is the truth – and it pains my heart as much as I am satisfied at the reaction.
Maybe give me 50 points as I see a fist forming ready to hit me – okay, maybe I did hit a nerve and went a lot further than I warranted.
“I wouldn’t do that if I was you,” I tell him. “I wouldn’t want Chase finding out you hurt the one person who’s truly looking out for him right now.”
“I wish I was going to be there with you,” Emily comments as she lies in bed with a sigh, knowing Noah was in the midst of ensuring he had everything for tomorrow’s trip to Martinsville.
“The most important thing is you take care of yourself,” Noah answers. “Once they have the answers and you’re feeling better, we’ll be able to take plenty of trips to Martinsville together.” Emily smiled at the thought, still in partial disbelief she was laying there envisioning a future alongside this man. How did he always do this to her?
“I used to not always be a fan of going to the track, but I can say you’ve certainly changed it and now I hate being the lonely significant oth-”
“Ashley (Allgaier) isn’t goin-”
“She’s pregnan-”
“And you have a reason – you’re sick and need to take care of yourself. Remember – your health comes before anything else as how can we have a future without that?” She lets out a sigh, having grown old of hearing the constant repeat of advice from now both Noah and Paige over the past couple of weeks. Why did they insist on constantly reminding her? If anybody knew this fact, it was her. It was why she had put a pause on her all dreams, and regretfully returned back to the care of her sister.
“I know. It just sucks sometimes…” Noah didn’t need her to say that, knowing how much his stomach tore up in knots. Rather than peaceful sleeps, he was now left with wide awake nights, questioning her symptoms, what they could mean, and why they could not have a diagnosis sooner. What was taking these doctors so long?
“Look at it this way – they did say they will probably be able to give you a reason soon having ruled out several factors and done other tests. Eventually we have to get an answer.” She chuckles, admittedly finding some humor in his comments in some odd fashion.
“Unless I am the medical mystery for the rest of my life. Those do happen.” Noah did not find the same humor in the comment, but rather feeling his stomach twist just one knot tighter.
“I don’t believe that’ll be the case. I know for a fact your sister will move heaven and earth to find out what is making you ill and help you feel better – and I’d be right alongside her.” Emily appreciated the vote of confidence, and believed the statement. She had already overheard Paige’s conversations with Chase, and possibly contacting others they knew in North Carolina through Mr. Hendrick’s connections.
“You’re probably right. How about you just make me feel better by bringing home one of those clocks?” Noah smiles as he would never complain about that fact, even if it’d make things tight in the loft with already having one there from a couple years ago.
“I’ll do my best, actually beyond that. I will do whatever it takes, just for you. I love you, Emily. I believe in you…” She smiles, letting out a sigh in wishing she could feel his arms around her right now.
“I love you, too.”
That’s all she could manage to say.
She wanted to ask for him to come to Georgia and be with her, she wanted to ask for his company while he was off, and she wanted to beg for more time with him – to feel those warm, protective arms.
But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. What if she pushed too hard? What if she got too demanding and it chased him away?
Noah, meanwhile, was already one step ahead of her.
Once he was off the phone, he spent the night sending out e-mails to contacts he knew with the symptoms, inquring if they kenw a specialist that may be perfect to solve the problem. He also sent a message to Kelley, ensuring his schedule was kept as clean as possible to ensure the most time he could with her through the break.
Considering he couldn’t get rid of his stomach being tied up in knots, he was going to do everything to comfort those fears and hopefully erase them soon.
#9: Chase Elliott, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro NAPA Auto Parts
Saturday, April 10 – Martinsville Speedway
Chase lets out a sigh as he takes a glance towards the sky. Given his aviation background and having studied many skies and radars for the purpose of preparation, he could already tell they were going to be in for a long night. The skies had already opened up some, and you could tell even with a clearing there would be more to follow.
He knew the end result was going to be postponed to Sunday, so why even show up today?
“This is ridiculous,” he comments to himself as he ensures he has his phone, wallet, and bag with suit and helmet, ready for the day ahead. Even if he didn’t believe they’d on track for long, he knew better than to leave everything behind and get stuck in a bind. Besides, he get grilled by the entire HMS staff if he didn’t follow usual procedure.
“Given your reaction, I have the assumption the weatherman was right today,” Samantha comments, bringing a slight smile to his face. “I already figured that myself, though.”
“It doesn’t take a genius to out think NASCAR sometimes.” The chuckles between them then began – until an envelope landed in his hand from her. A glance between them and no words needed to be said about the contents. “Have you opened it?”
“I have a real strong belief in the first step and the sample I collected to know what this is going to say. I thought I’d give you the honor this time.” He wasn’t sure how much to embrace or enjoy that, but certainly took it as he ripped the envelope open, not wanting to leave any additional questions any longer on the table. “Well?”
“Welcome to the family, Cassandra Elliott.” While caught off-guard initially, she actually smiled in hearing the comment. She knew she’d never change her name, but knowing her middle name was the one Cindy picked if she had a girl was fitting. Now she just had to get used to Chase using it now and then.
“Thanks, Clyde.” He couldn’t help but smirk, knowing he deserved that in return. “Or should I call you William?”
“Clyde fits better, but I wouldn’t blame you if went the other way as you’re unique.” Samantha just rolls her eyes, knowing he knew how to play the game well. “Have you told anyone?”
“Ryan knows. He knew about me being adopted, overheard the phone call, and developed the plan for the first sample. I told him that we spoke as he was worried about things being awkward if he knew a secret.” Chase nods his head, though immediately has an odd realization as he looks over at her.
“Damn – my sister is dating my best friend. That just spells all kinds of trouble.” Samantha wanted to chuckle, but felt nerves and a pit in her stomach in knowing that sometimes went the other way in other families. “I actually can’t wait to see the look on Dad’s face when he realizes that.”
“Have you told Paige?” Chase shakes his head no, as he stuck by the word in not wanting to do anything until the yhad all evidence and reasoning in hand. It was why he still wasn’t sure about taking the next step of bringing his parents into the equation.
“I don’t want to tell my parents until we speak to Dr. Lipton. This is going to shock, rock, and cause a lot of interesting feelings and turmoil for them – more so than I am feeling so I understand this not being easy. I want to go to them with the most information we have possible and feel we need to learn what Dr. Lipton has to say.” Samantha nods her head, having already been set in figuring out the best way to speak to the doctor.
“I am curious myself for my own story and ability. What causes a man to want to hide a baby from a mother? What causes someone to go to those lengths? How did he pull it off with the hospital? I want to find out for my own self, and for the reasons you stated for your par-”
“Our parents.” Samantha nods her head, taking a couple deep breathes. That was certainly going to take getting used to as she still couldn’t believe this was her brother standing right beside her.
“But I also want to know for possible other people who reach out to me for similar answers. How do you explain to them a scenario like this? Maybe if I have a doctor’s motivation, like Dr. Shepherd as I told you, right or wrong it at least gives them reasoning to the story.” Chase couldn’t argue with her as certainly hearing someone’s reasoning allowed you to be in their shoes for a brief second, and sometimes brought comfort.
“I can fly you down from North Carolina to Georgia one day and we can set up the meeting. Alternatively, you can drive down. Heck, you can even tell Ryan the real reason for the trip and come spend some time with Paige and I.” He then glances towards where Paige was, flashing a smile, before focusing back on Samantha. “I know that I should tell her – I’m curious as to her reaction, too. Maybe I’ll tell her before you make the trip so she understands why.”
“She may get jealous of the time we’re spending together.” Chase couldn’t help but smirk at the thought, but he also knew something else.
“I know how much she loves and cherishes me. She wouldn’t let someone just take me away that easily.” Samantha smiled, hopeful those words were true, as they were a couple she was rooting for.
“I also told Alanna that I am adopted, so we have some understanding in each other’s stories. I shared with her some route to where we are, but not about you being my brother quite yet.” Chase also understood her motivation there, as well. He had heard from Ryan about Samantha being tied up in a case, unable to solve it, and always reflecting back to it once in awhile with hopes of a change.
“I was surprised that you easily allowed her to move in with you and Ryan. I hope you know what you’re doing as I wouldn’t want it to backfire. Just be careful, okay?” Samantha nods her head, surprised by the commentary as it wasn’t like Chase to come out with something like that previously. Was this a product of being related now?
“Don’t worry – I think I know better than most how quickly things can turn into a dumpster fire.” Chase nods his head, having heard about her road to get to this point from previous conversations.
“I’m glad, because trust me when I say this – I wouldn’t want something to happen to you.”
#9: Chase Elliott, Hendrick Motorsports, Chevrolet Camaro NAPA Auto Parts
Chase’s POV
Thursday, April 8 – Charlotte, North Carolina
I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to face the music, hear the truth, possibly confirm every suspicion and lock in what I was feeling. But I was here anyway, standing at the door to her townhouse.
Perhaps she could answer the doubts in my mind. Perhaps she could erase them, assuring me what Ryan said and there was nothing to worry about, ready to move forward. Perhaps it was what I needed to clear up the confusion, to get back to what was there before. But I hesitated – knowing the opposite was possible.
I wasn’t surprised when she answered the door, opened the door, or allowed me inside. I wasn’t surprised that she was okay with me coming over, probably expecting it honestly. But now I stood inside of her place, I felt like a load of bricks was on my shoulders.
“I’m sorry – wait, why am I saying that?” I immediately spit out, wanting to drop that brick on my toe right now.
But admittedly, I still kicked myself in the butt. I had allotted for the opportunity by allowing them to meet each other, by giving her an opportunity to grow closer, and all while ignoring the signs that lied in their eyes. Everything I had done with her – and maybe some of the things I had said to Ryan, they were swirling around. Maybe I brought it on myself.
“I don’t know,” she snaps me out of my thoughts – which can’t blame her response to be honest. “I should be the one saying I’m sorry. I guess I’m fired.” Did the contract really matter right now? Wasn’t there more important things than some random deal that we made? Though his words said enough – guilt, knowing she did something wrong as Ryan did. But what should I do? I still didn’t know.
“It depends,” I start, taking a deep breath of nerves in the process. There was only one way to get out of this and that was to face it head on. “I want to know what happened, from your side, everything. I want the truth. Ryan told me, but I want to hear your side.”
“I’ve always had feelings for Ryan…” Anybody who looked at the pair in their eyes and the way they interacted would’ve said the same thing. This wasn’t helping.
“I know…” What else was I supposed to say? Deny it and my part in making this happen.
“Seriously?” I guess I owed her an explanation, right? I mean, I might as well admit my fault and truth and blame if I was going to make her do the same.
“It’s why I chose you, Isabelle. I could see the look in your eyes from the day you both met. I knew other drivers and fans would see that, and believe it – no matter what story we had in play.” I thought she knew this from the beginning. I thought it was something we had all worked out together. It’s why I was even surprised that I had to break it down for her right now. However, for what is worth, she deserved to hear it all.
“So are you surprised by what happened then?” Taking a deep breath, I was frozen by her question. I want to spit out an immediate yes – not believing Ryan could go behind my back. However, everything on the wall said otherwise.
“I don’t know. Part of me is because I love Ryan, and I believed he’d be totally truthful to a fault to me, hence why we went this extreme. But the other part reminds me that I set this into motion by choosing you.” Honesty, it was the best policy. It was all I could offer, knowing the next question, I could only hope for the same in return. “So, what happened?”
“Everything you think happened. I know by your eyes you’re just here to confirm your suspicions, and they’re right on the money. He did kiss me that night after we spoke about the contract. After the win, it went further – we celebrated together.” That felt like getting stabbed in the heart as the tears threatened to fall. Ryan and I always celebrated together.
We always enjoyed each other’s wins together. But she got to experience that instead. She got to enjoy spoiling him while he was at his high. She got to enjoy the success – while I was left at home, pondering what I was going to do moving forward with a bottle of Jack.
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