Fast Cars and Fast Lives – Chapter 14: Unanswered Questions and Feelings

I just wanted to say – feel free to comment and offer feedback, I haven’t gotten much on this story yet and am very curious as to what everyone thinks in the direction that I am going, being different than my usual antics.

Also, just of not – Samantha’s character is vaguely based on Samantha McCall from General Hospital, hence the mother’s name being Alexis and Diane being utilized. You don’t need to watch the soap to really know any details to her, as I said I am doing her loosely based off and most of Samantha’s background is fully written in here for you.

I’m also introducing Alanna (the mystery adoption girl that Samantha is helping) a little more here – including a headshot and everything. Why? Well, she could grow to become even more important down the road with a possible storyline of her own. Comment which driver you’d like to see have a more involving role here.

 

Wednesday January 27 – Charlotte, North Carolina

Samantha flips the small piece of paper over in her hand once again for what seemed like a millionth time.

After seeing her mother about 72 hours ago, discussing the adoption process, and receiving the number of the broker who arranged her adoption, she was determined to return back home to North Carolina and give the lady a call to see if she had any information.

Given her background in P.I., she knew it was probably unlikely for this lady to have information. Any adoption that wasn’t done on the books didn’t seem to have any paper trail or computer notes, so you mostly relied on the person’s memory. Why would this girl remember her from over 20 years ago when she probably brokered a bunch of other deals?

However, she wouldn’t know the truth if she didn’t dial the number – but yet here she sat in the same spot on the couch, flipping the same piece of paper over for the hundredth time as she overheard Ryan doing some interview in the other room.

Perhaps it was because she knew gaining a reasonable explanation was highly unlikely. Perhaps she was also scared of what could come of this search. What if she found some truth about her real family that was unnerving? What if she never got the chance to meet them? What if the reason why they adopted her out was because they thought she should never exist? Perhaps the fear was knowing further investigation continued to affirm the truth in her heart that Alexis wasn’t her real mother, and she didn’t quite know how to handle that yet.

She knew these were all feelings she could share with her friends, but it just didn’t seem right sharing parental issues like this with Paige and Alexa. Both girls had parental issues of their own – abusive, controlling, toxic relationships each in their own way. Samantha had gotten lucky in Alexis at least being loving and caring, and it wasn’t about to burden her friends with regrets in that regard.

Though glancing at her phone, she knew there was someone else who had been down a similar route.

She hadn’t messaged her as much in the past week or so as she would normally, probably all due to her own emotions. Being around Alanna was just a reminder of her own situation, and even worse in knowing what it was like when you did not get the answers you wanted.

She had debated telling Alanna the truth right from the beginning. She felt it’d be nice to have someone to relate to, but then paused upon sending the message. After all, why should she burden someone else with her difficulties when they were in a much worse situation?

Now as she name burned in her mind, she couldn’t help but wonder a very question.

Samantha
10:34am
Hey. Can I ask you a question? Why did you reach out to me initially for answers?

She hated herself as soon as she hit the send button and realized the message would be right before Alanna’s eyes. She knew there was turning back from those fears of saying or facing the truth upon the beginning of the conversation, but yet also regretted the perhaps confusion that would come. what if she took the message the wrong way?

Alanna
10:45am
I wanted answers. I want some definition to my life as I watched everything fall apart before me. I thought it’d be possible to find the longing that I needed to help me through that rough period. It was a piece of thread to hold onto. Why? Is something wrong?

The last words caused a lump to form in her throat as Samantha knew she had messed up upon sending the message, clearly sending the wrong signals as she expected. While she was in her pity, it felt twice as bad in knowing she done that to someone else, someone who depended upon her so much sometimes as her fingers furiously pounded the keys.

Samantha
10:47am
Just got some stuff on my mind, sorry for the random question. I never meant to catch you off-guard or wrong signals. I have no regrets or problems with you reaching out or what has come since then. Actually, I’m glad to have been able to help you as much as I could – even if unable to find those answers you wanted. I’m glad to call you a friend, Alanna.

Taking a deep breath, she hoped that soothed over everything as she would hate to change what they had together just because of her own doubts and fears – which seemed so ridiculous when compared to everyone else’s stories.

Alanna
10:50am
That makes me smile, because I’m glad to know you Sam. You have been so helpful and beneficial in ways that I couldn’t imagine. I’ve told you before – I don’t know if I could do this without you sometimes.

Just as she was saying to herself – things could always be worse.

She could have no family, no companionship, no one to save her from falling, and not a drop of happiness. She could be in the dumpster, trying to struggle her way through each day.

She could also find herself in a similar spot like Alanna, or dealing with what was left of a parent’s toxic relationship and emotional damage as Paige experienced.

Taking a deep breath, it was a quick reminder – and one she shouldn’t forget, to not let a go by without counting her blessings.

Samantha
10:52am
In that regard, know that you can always reach out to me whenever as I’m always here. Sorry I’ve been distant lately. It’s just lots going on.

She almost didn’t want to send the last five words, but she kenw she owed Alanna some sort of explanation. More importantly though was the sentences before then.

Alanna
10:54am
If you need someone to talk to, you can always lean on me. I’m willing to help you – least I could do for you.

Samantha appreciated the gesture, and was almost set to accept it in a grand way with sharing every detail of what she’d been through in finding the note from her mother. But she held back – she couldn’t do that quite yet. She couldn’t place her own burden, fears, emotions on Alanna’s shoulders, still feeling bad the file remained with so many questions.

Samantha
10:56am
Appreciate it but I’m good, and I wish I could’ve done more in finding those answers you wanted. I still keep an eye out when talking to people because they got to be somewhere, I believe.

She truly believed that as someone had to have a memory of Alanna all the way back then, something that stood out in their mind that could be connected to something else and begin the trail she needed. Someone couldn’t be as amazing as Alanna was and not leave that imprint somewhere.

Alanna
11:00am
You don’t have to do that. I know I may not have gotten the answers I wanted, but I got a friendship that means more than whatever they could’ve been. Focus on those who you can help and may be able to find the answers for.

Samantha takes a deep breath, glancing back to the piece of paper that sat on the table with the number scribbled on it from her mother. She had copied the phone number into her contact already, but still held the piece of paper.

Maybe it was actually worth a call to the broker.

Wednesday January 27 – Beard Motorsports

Noah looks at his name above the door of the car, running his fingers across where it was now officially stuck and ready to go for next month. He was still trying to stay in the moment, be cool about everything, but it was like a brick wall in walking into the shop and seeing it there today.

He was going to make his NASCAR Cup Series debut at Daytona next month.

He shakes his head in disbelief, thinking it was almost the craziest thing to believe was happening. It was just four years ago that he was driving trucks for Kyle Busch, wondering if he could even make it in NASCAR with how badly he struggled at times. It was only a couple years before that he was trying to land the right opportunity to even have a chance within the sport.

Now he was going to get his chance in the biggest series of them all, and a deep breath in, he knew he was going to do everything in his power to take full advantage of that. Go big or go home, right?

Climbing in the car, he looks around with a smile on his face as it seemed all the discussions he had with them on Monday had paid off. The dashboard, and other creature comforts in the car seemed to be set to his liking, with the seat just about comfortable and perfectly molded to his butt.

Taking out his phone, he was almost set to send a selfie of himself sitting in the car, classic Noah in taking care of social media and the fans, though froze upon looking at the background.

He smiled remembering when they took the photo. While he had never been in awe about Las Vegas having grown up there, Emily was making her first trip to the big city of glamour so he played the perfect tour guide one day, showing her all the spots she heard about. It was upon seeing the famous Welcome to Las Vegas sign they stood together and took a selfie before it – just like a tourist would. In all his years, he had never taken his own photo there with anyone or by himself, and it was an even bigger smile in realizing they had shared that together.

The moment, though, seemed so long ago as they hadn’t been around each other since she returned back to school almost a full month ago. Going through the motions of media days and training for the year, it hadn’t bothered him – but now it sat in and it stung worse than anything.

Why did Emily Porter have this effect on him?

His gut instinct was to open his text messages, and send all those feelings to her – express just how badly he wanted to hold her, be around her, comfort her, and have her to himself. He wanted to shout the words I love you from  the top of the mountain. It was typical Noah fashion to go for broke because that’s how he handled everything.

Though as he opened their text messages, he froze upon remembering Cole Custer’s advice. “We both know if start trying too hard that you’ll fuck it up,” rang his head over and over.

He remembered her fear over commitment – probably related to her parents and her past. He remembered how she worried they were growing too quickly together, something he had thought about just a touch himself. Was he falling fast for her comfort due to missing it in other aspects? Nah, that’d never be a Noah thing ever.

Closing his eyes, he remembered the rest of Cole’s words – something about taking it slow, going with the flow, not doing anything drastic or different and just seeing where things go.

Another glance at her name, he knew there was one way to do that. Everything had reached a new level with a simple invite to join him for New Years, so why not take that approach here, too?

Noah
12pm
Hey. Each driver allowed to have their gf wit them for Daytona. So, do you want to join me?

Taking a deep breath, his only fear was that she’d go off running in seeing the girlfriend. His breath caught in his throat in repeating it himself.

Was this reality? Noah Gragson had a girlfriend? That was impossible. It seemed he always screwed up every pick up line or time with anybody.

“Maybe Cole was onto something,” he says to himself.

Emily
12:02pm
Could use a break from boring professors & Daytona sun is always nice for a fan. Plus, you’d be okay company I suppose. I’m game.

Noah could only chuckle in how she elected to word her response, though couldn’t help but let out a big cheer in seeing the response. He was going to get to see his girl again – he just had to wait 11 days, which felt like an eternity.

“I heard a yell and wondered what it was,” Noah hears, breaking him out of his own world in a matter of seconds. It seemed whenever he heard Mark Beard’s voice, he stood at attention. After all, this was the man responsible for his opportunity here – well, one of them but he was footing the bills so he really mattered. “If you get this excited about getting in the car, I can only imagine your reaction when you get on track at Daytona.”

“What can I say? I’m very excited for this opportunity sir,” he replies, saying to himself in more ways than one as he knew it was another chance to leave a lasting impact on Emily and get somewhere, and he wasn’t about to blow that. “Thank you, once again.”

“I told you already, Noah. You earned it via your success last year in the Xfinity Series. Enjoy it as I have a feeling this is going to be a great partnership.” Noah could only wish he knew the truth, and was talking about him and Emily in that regard.

“I hope you’re right.”

Fast Cars and Fast Lives – Chapter 13: Family Unknowns

Sunday, January 25, 2021 – Millbridge Speedway

Alexa walks out of the trailer, taking a deep breath as she slims out the wrinkles in the firesuit. Glancing at the red car before her, she just shook her head.

Was this really happening?

“Are you getting nervous?” Alex questions, catching her attention as he walks up to her. She just chuckles back in response as she looks over towards him.

“When have I been nervous when around cars and motors?” She responds, to which he simply shrugs his shoulders. He thought he read through those emotions given the pause she had taken upon coming out of the trailer.

“This is totally different than anything you’ve ever done. It’s understandable if there’s some nerves. Anybody would be nervous if they were in your sho-”

“Alex, I’m not nervous. I’m absolutely ready to go when you give me the go-ahead.” He glances back towards the car, having gone over it twice – triple checked some aspects just because it was her jumping behind the wheel, and takes a deep breath. It was now or never, right?

“Go for it.”

It didn’t take long for Alex to get her strapped into the midget, offering some last minute tips along the way – building upon everything he had been sharing the past 12 hours. A second final tug on the straps, he jumped on the four-wheeler and pushed the red midget out on the track.

It took a couple laps for her to get up to speed, initially not getting the hang of slinging the car sideways through the corners on the throttle as you had to. Alex shook his head, not totally surprised, as she was used to sliding on breaking – where here you slid on throttle.

“The more speed you carry in, the more she’ll slide,” he tells her in-between a pair of runs.

He sent her back out again, and ultimately it once again did not prove to be as well as thought. She managed to start sliding sideways more than she was, but still not through the full corner as quick as Alex would’ve hoped to have seen.

“Maybe there’s a reason you haven’t let me try this,” she comments once having tried to put another 20 laps under her belt. “I suck.”

“It’s just totally different than what you’re used to,” Alex tries to reason as he looks over the tires and chassis, making sure everything was squared away in that regard.

“But look at Chase. He jumped in and bam – he was right there with the bes-”

“He only made it to the F-ma-”

“Given my driving, I’d probably be in the damn M or even P.” Alex bit his tongue, forcing himself not to chuckle, but he knew her assessment was right given her driving thus far. However, he didn’t want to totally burst her confidence bubble or watch her give up.

“Old habits die hard as they say, right? You’d think sliding in a drift car and sliding in a midget would be totally the same. However, it’s not quite because of different philosophies and braking behind being able to do so. It’s like re-training your whole brain again. You’re not used to jumping from different disciplines and things – it’s reasonable that it’s a challenge to learn at first.” Alexa takes a deep breath, feeling a bit of confidence in his words. Perhaps she wasn’t a total lost cause quite yet.

“So maybe one day I’ll be able to hang with you?” Alex nods his head yes, even if having a couple self doubts based on what he was seeing.

“What if we go in the hauler, load the on-board footage, and go through some tips on how to do it better? Then we can try again.” She nods her head, accepting, intentionally crossing her fingers due to some self doubt creeping in.

The plan, though, did work, as Alex saw a lot of improvement in her ability once she went on-track for a third session. She was finally able to start to find the groove, sliding it sideways through the corner entirely. It may not have been to the speed that Alex was used to seeing himself, but it was certainly good to see progress from where she had started.

Based on that session, he knew if he gave her some more laps, she at least now had the potential to eventually get to the level that he was at.

“Thank you for trusting me,” she tells him, wrapping his arms around him as she gives him a kiss.

“I trust you with everything, Alexa,” he assures her. “I love you so much – hence why I do whatever I can for you, even if sometimes I go over the line.” She takes a deep breath, remembering the phone call, followed by their argument in the shop.

“Maybe I was a little harsh on you as you were just trying to do what you thought was best and help me. I just don’t want my parents ruining things betwe-”

“I’d never let them. I love you for who you are, not for who your parents are. My opinion and everything about you is based on one thing – you. Nobody else can change that for me no matter what, Alexa.” She smiles as it was certainly nice to have someone fully appreciate her for whom she was, and not want them to fit some special mold they held.

“I love you, forever and always.” She then gives him another kiss, before they begin to load everything back in the trailer together.

As they were going through the process, Alex thought about her words – fear of them being broken up based on parental opinion, always trying to fit their approval. However, he also appreciated the apology – and it made him wonder if maybe going back after the idea was actually a good idea. Perhaps with time Alexa would more so appreciate what he was trying to do, as long as ground rules were written.

Sunday, January 25, 2021 – Port Charles, New York

“You know we could’ve had this conversation on the phone, right?” Alexis questions as she sits down on the couch alongside Samantha.

Samantha takes a deep breath, having thought about that. It probably would’ve been easier than buying a plane ticket, flying across the country to just speak with her mother, and fly back home quickly again. However, there was a purpose to the flight.

She couldn’t always trust her mother with everything along the years, as there had certainly been skeptical moments between boyfriends and drinking endeavors. As much as they had a good relationship, it was always best to do conversation in person to ensure she was telling the truth.

She also hadn’t returned home in a long time, so it was time to check in and see what the town was like, perhaps catch up with some old friends. She had gotten to know everyone having lived there all her life until she moved away to go to college, staying in a dorm room with a newly kindled friend, now her bestie Paige.

“Is there a reason why you would’ve preferred for me to stay away?” Samantha questions, now growing skeptical considering her mother’s history. “Is there something that I should know?”

“Why do you always assume the worst?” Alexis questions, which just causes Samantha to chuckle back in response. Was there enough time to go over all the reasons?

“Pretty sure we both know the answer to that question. I don’t want to hear you’re mixed up with something again.” Alexis shakes her head no with a sigh.

“I wish I could say that I’ve found some great man and he’s mine forever, but alas, we are here.” Samantha takes a deep breath, knowing she was only having this conversation for one reason – to put off talking about the reason she was there.

“I came across the file a couple weeks ago. I was going through organizing my files for work with having some time on my hands, and it stood out to me because it wasn’t the same colour as everything else. I didn’t open it at first, caught off-guard to be honest. However, Paige convinced me to rip off the band-aid and see what the contents were. Now here we are…” Samantha takes the file folder out of her bag, setting it on the living room table before them between the pair of glasses. It was a relief to smell them and not detect alcohol for a change. “How long has that file been there?”

“Do you remember when I came to visit you?” Samantha thinks it over, remembering she was still living in the small apartment. She only had moved out of there after dating Ryan for four months, to his suggestion so they could be closer. It’d been a year and a half, and there was no regrets to think of. “While you were in the bathroom, I opened the filing cabinet and snuck it in there. I had planned to give it to you directly, but I couldn’t find the courage to do so. I felt ashamed, and wrong that I had lied to you. I almost felt it erased everything we had together because here you thought I was your mother, everything, and I was just some woman who had rais-”

“For all intensive purposes, for everything you did in raising me, teaching me, taking care of me, you were my mother. You did everything in my life that a mother would do, and no matter what happens from here on, you’ll always be mother to me.” While she had felt betrayal and anger through the days since finding it, that was one feeling she could not shake based on history and everything they’d been through together.

“I appreciate that, as I do love you and care about you as if you were part of me.” Samantha smiles as it was a nice gesture to feel back in return. “I assumed you read the letter, right?”

“Every single word, over and over.” Samantha flips through the folder quickly, revealing the letter that she had read over while sitting with Paige on the couch. She had once again read it a couple times since then as she tried to fully process everything that was thrown at her. She had caught herself crying a couple times, for whatever reason she couldn’t make sense. She found herself wanting to punch a wall other times – but she felt thankful in knowing that at least she had someone who had taken care of her, been there for her, and for her friends. It could always be worse, as Alanna had taught her.

“Do you want to talk about it? I know it’s difficult, but I’m here for you in regards to this, just like everything els-”

“That’s not why I made the trip.” Samantha quickly flips back to the beginning of the folder, taking a deep breath. She didn’t want to break down crying or face any emotions right now. That wouldn’t accomplish anything, and now she knew the truth, there was only one more question to ask – who were her real parents, and why had they chosen to give her away? “I came because I wanted answers.”

“I gave you every single copy of paperwork that I got from the courts and through the process. What else could I tell you?” Samantha just smiles at the thought, almost rolling her eyes. It shouldn’t come as a surprise being obvious blank answers in the mystery that laid before her – already thinking of her mother’s testy past.

“Do you know the names of my real parents?” Alexis shakes her head no, which caused frustration for Samantha in wishing the answer would’ve been easier. Looking at the document again, it was odd to see those spaces had been left blank – which brought more questions to what happened. “Do you know any detai-”

“It was an anonymous adoption by the parents. I knew nothing about them, or even where you were born. I was just given you by the agent and paid the fee as specified.” Samantha was a little caught by that, though it seemed to follow a normal adoption process. She then glances back at the sheet, seeing no agency which caused more frustration.

“I assume that you went through a government agency or somewhere official. Do you remember?” If there was an agency, she could easily contact and see if they could release that information; normally the person adopted out was eligible at the age of 16.

“Samantha, we both know my history. Do you really think the government would allow that?” Samantha had to admit that she was right, given some illegal pasts. While it wasn’t her own wrong-doing, she seemed to get mixed up with some characters who liked to find trouble. Actually, her mother getting mixed in one of those situations and Samantha going through the clues, eventually figuring it out and clearing it out, is what sparked her interest to become a private investigator.

“They allowed you to practice law and represent the State once upon a time. I think that brings more responsibility and resources than adopting a child.” Did she reall y want to hear the next words from her mother’s mouth? There was paperwork before her, signed off by officials, proving the adoption was legal. But what if?

“I checked into being able to adopt and I wasn’t able to. I got talking to Diane about my frustrations, and she reluctantly shared a contact she knew from a client that was arranging adoptions. I got a hold of that individual and she would connect me with a family that wanted to adopt anonymously. She facilitated everything so therefore myself and the family never got to meet, handling the money and all, before going through the proper channels so I had proper paperwork.” Samantha knew that would make her finding the answers a long shot, unless she was able to get a hold of the individual who brokered the deal – or hacked into some records somehow, which she had a friend capable of doing. Was it worth that right now? She’d have to decide come the time.

“Do you remember the individual’s name and possibly the phone number?” Alexis slowly shakes her head no, deflating every part of Samantha immediately. “Could you possibly call Diane and ask if she remembers? I know it’s a long shot, but given what you’re telling me, there’s no way I am going to get any answers without speaking with her.”

“You could try to post your photo and birth date across social media, asking anyone who adopted out a child born on that day and unknown to possibly contact.” Samantha chuckles, shaking her head no immediately. She could only imagine the number of requests she’d have to sort through, and then those reaching out only because they wanted something even if totally not connected.

“If I knew something about the parents to narrow the search, or if I knew this lady only worked in New York, then I may do what you want. However, I’d rather keep this low profile. You do realize who my boyfriend is, right?” Alexis nods her head, remembering the phone introduction.

“You should’ve brought him along to formally meet me. I’m almost afraid our first meeting will be the wedding.” Samantha lets out a sigh, knowing she could’ve killed two birds with one stone today. However, she still wasn’t quite ready to break that ice with Ryan. It’d mean admitting it out loud to someone else she was adopted and her life was partially a lie.

“Focus, please…..”

It took a while before Alexis was able to reach Diane, and ask the question she had in hand. To everybody’s surprise, Diane still had the information as she never got rid of anything as you never knew when you’d need it given her clients. She was quickly able to hand over first and last name, along with the last known phone number, for Samantha to be able to use in her search.

Fast Cars and Fast Lives – Chapter 12: Feelings of Worry and Distrust

January 23, 2021 – North Carolina

“So, Ms. Hatfield, if you are available, we can set up a phone consult one day next week,” Samantha begins as she sits comfortable on the couch, glancing over the file in her lap. “I would normally do these in-person, but I am not comfortable in doing so with the virus going around. So as a result, I am having all of my consults through Zoom.”

“I have no problem with that as I totally understand taking precautions,” the client replies back, causing a smile on Samantha’s face. “I can forward you a copy of my schedule from my assistant and you can check it out. Ultimately, I would prefer that my assistant does not know about this arrangement.” Samantha takes a deep breath, used to her clients having discretion policies in place about hiring her. What if the assistant was the guilty party?

“Absolutely, I have no problem in listening to your request, Ms. Hatfield. As I spoke to you at the very beginning, I am willing to do whatever is necessary to make this work – as long as safety is paramount, of course.” Ryan takes a deep breath in overhearing the conversation as he prepared a snack in his kitchen.

His chest had tightened when he watched her pull out the file, and dial the ladies number. His chest tightened more in hearing arrangements being followed through about beginning conversations. He almost felt his breath taken away about the thought of her safety being mentioned.

She had gotten hurt on her previous investigation assignment. What if that happened again? What she truly ready to go back to work already?

He remembered the conversation they had and how he tried to convince her otherwise, but it seemed no matter what was said, he got nowhere. She was stubborn and determined – probably suit her well in her work. She had also done this for a long time, so it was hard to expect her to change just due to his opinion, no matter how much they loved each other.

Though he had to wonder, if push came to shove, if she’d choose being a private investigator or him. Taking a deep breath, he knew he could never bring her out to decide between the pair. It’d be like her saying love me and get rid of the racecar, or stay at your dream and be rid of me. Besides, he already knew the answer she would get in return.

“You realize the cucumber isn’t going to cut itself, right?” Samantha questions, catching him off-guard as he snaps out of his thoughts. He hadn’t realized she was off the phone, or had walked from the living room to the kitchen across from the counter before him. “What’s on your mind, Ryan?”

“I think we both know the answer,” he replies back as he lets his eyes leave her, focusing back on the cucumber. He hated that he was having these fears and causing a disagreement between them. How could someone who chased adrenaline and raced racecars be afraid right now? “I can’t help but worry about you, Sam.”

“I know, and it’s okay because I know the reason why.” She then makes her way around the counter, wrapping her arms around him from behind. “You care about me and love me – the same way I feel for you, too. These feelings that you’re having, they are the same ones when I see you hit a wall or have a close encounter in a race. It’s the same reason why I have followed the advice of many wives in having Tums available at Daytona and Talladega.”

“You’ve never mentioned this to me before, though. How do you handle it?” Samantha smiles as she lays her head on his shoulder.

“I believe in you. I know that you know what you’re doing because you wouldn’t be a race winner, at this level if you didn’t. I believe in your abilities, and the strength of that car. I believe no matter what happens, what injuries may occur, that everything will work out and we’ll go home together. I swallow every bit of my pride in knowing this is your dream, and if you believe in it, then I need to believe in you.” He couldn’t help but smile in hearing her advice, certainly offering some ease that he hadn’t felt in days.

“Just promise me you’ll be carefu-”

“I’m always careful, Ryan. I always try and make sure all my basis are covered and there’s nothing to fear. You don’t have to worry, I will always come home to you so I can steal your cucumber.” She then snags the pieces that he had already cut and walks out of the kitchen, snacking on them with a chuckle.

She then returns back to the couch, opening the file back up as she begins to read over the notes once again, preparing her series of questions she wanted to run by Ms. Hatfield this week as she awaits for the e-mailed schedule.

She hears her phone go off shortly thereafter, glancing in its direction in expecting the e-mail. However, she notices it was a text from Paige instead.

Paige
10:30am
Have you told Ryan about the news yet?

Samantha’s breath hitches in her throat, thinking back to almost a full week now, sitting in Paige’s living room and reading the documents that rested in the folder – the same one that lied before her.

The initial shock of the news that she was adopted hadn’t bothered to wear off a bit. She had told herself to take a few days to digest the news, the same way she advised her clients. However, she was quickly learning that days removed didn’t change anything.

She hadn’t talked to Paige about it one bit since as Paige had agreed to offer her space, but assured her she was there when the time was right. Though they both knew Samantha – this was not just going to get shifted by the wayside. She always had to answer every mystery and problem, and this would be no different.

In the process, Paige had suggested sharing the news with Ryan so he could be there to comfort her through the mix of feelings when Paige wasn’t. Besides, it was always best to lean on the person who loved and knew you the best – another advice she offered her clients.

Considering the lack of conversation, Samantha figured the text was Paige wondering what had been done about the news since the reveal, probably having expected some update or willing to consult since then.

Samantha
10:35am
No, I haven’t.

She almost texted more in response, but knew Paige would analyze that right away and then offer some consult – or demanding advice at that. She wasn’t ready to face that quite yet.

Paige
10:37am
Is everything okay? I know you mentioned Ryan’s fears.

Samantha smiled as she looked towards where Ryan sat playing a round of fortnite with Bubba, recalling each piece of the conversation in the kitchen. Besides, the cucumber had tasted good.

Samantha
10:38am
Taken care of. I offered some advice based on my fears of his racing at times, and he understood. Just made me promise to be careful.

Paige
10:40am
I’d tell you the same thing after what happened. So, what’s your next step?

Samantha glanced at the file in her hands, though couldn’t help but allow her eyes to glance to the other file on the table. Was she worried about Ms. Hatfield because she wanted to avoid her own situation? Was that why she was trying to rush back into work, perhaps earlier than originally planned?

Was it why she had avoided reading the latest text message from Alanna, as well? Thinking back, she hoped the girl was alright as she was dependent on Samantha’s advice sometimes.

Samantha
10:45am
I am going to call my mother. Gosh, that feels even weird to type now. I want to ask her about the papers, discuss the reason she left in being afraid to tell me but hiding them still, and see what she knows. She knew the conversation would be coming eventually. Guess it needs to be had.

Samantha then flips to her conversation with Alanna, taking a deep breath as she finally reads the text message that she sent to her. She felt bad immediately in having ignored it yesterday, just because she didn’t want to face her own music. She had just found out and had loving family and friends to support her, but yet here was someone who knew for years, no close support, and no answers to help her.

Paige
10:47am
Good luck! Let me know what she says, and if you need anything – including someone to come. But, you should tell Ryan in case you’re off by what she says.

Samantha
10:49am
Thx. I’ll think about it, okay?

She then flips back to her chat with Alanna, reading over the response, relief soaring through her in realizing the reply hadn’t been sent over too late.

Taking a deep breath, maybe it’d be beneficial to share with someone after all – for advice.

Paige
10:51am
How did you and Ryan work out the trust issues?

Samantha swallows the lump in her throat, remembering the conversation she and Paige had – the same day she had opened the folder and revealed the news. It was clear that the trust issues were still on her mind. She wondered if Paige and Chase had talked about it since.

Samantha
10:54am
Told u – offered advice for him to relieve his stress and reason it via explaining everything I go through race day. Maybe you and Chase need the same.

Paige lets out a sigh, knowing they had talked about the events going through her parents. They had also talked about how that affected her – and he understood that, knowing that’s why she shared the fear.

However, she couldn’t wonder if it remained on his mind. What if he questioned everything? What if it changed his perspective while away right now in Florida?

Worst of all, what if she could never get over her parent’s wrong doings and totally trust him as she wanted to?

Paige
10:57am
I did, and he understood. But I feel a lump in my throat still. I keep asking myself questions.

It was why she hadn’t gotten a good sleep last night – combined with the fact the job search dilemma still plagued her mind.

Samantha
10:59am
Do as Ryan did to me. Ask him. Get him to reveal everything. Perhaps then you can reveal more to him. That’ll build the trust, right?

The response allowed the lump in her throat to reform – what if the answers that she got in return were not what she wanted? She couldn’t help but fear the worst, but why? He had done everything right, being patient and so loving. Why couldn’t she shake this right now?

Samantha
11:01am
I’ll try to tell Ryan about the papers, you try and ask Chase those questions. If one of us accomplishes, the other must do so within a period or we spoil it for the other.

Paige cursed the thought immediately, as she knew it wouldn’t be long before Samantha was bearing the contents of the papers to Ryan. Heck, they had already worked through the trust hurdle so it showed very capable.

But denying her friend and fully admitting her fear? Not a chance that was happening.

Paige
10:05am
Deal.

Fast Cars and Fast Lives – Chapter 11: Difference of Opinion

Friday, January 22 – Dawsonville, Georgia

Paige taps her fingers on the edge of the keyboard, shaking her head as she opened her e-mail inbox for what seemed like the millionth time.

Why hadn’t they messaged her back? Did it seriously take this long to review a resume and sample work to decide whether she’d be a good fit?

Taking a deep breath, they probably read it and denied her. They probably thought she was either pushing too hard with emotion and not enough substance, or did crappy sloppy research. Better yet, they thought her writing just purely sucked – period.

All the compliments she had gotten from friends, past colleagues and professors were just to flatter her – or perhaps because her friends felt bad for her given the life story. Maybe her colleagues just flattered her because they wanted to be nice in the office and not cause issues.

Flipping through her e-mails, she goes back to the last one from her current boss, and read back over the words. It seemed he was getting frustrated with her lack of contribution, saying her boyfriend’s schedule and time off was a poor excuse for lack of creativity, lack of material. He wanted to know when to expect her back contributing articles.

Taking a deep breath, she could already see the writing on the wall. He was going to probably fire her within a couple of weeks, sick of the pity games and having to flirt her ego. He could probably find someone who would do a much better job, anyway, considering they’d actually want to do the beat and probably bring a more intriguing story to the table.

It was all like all of her fears were coming true all together at once. Her shoulders felt like they weighed a ton of bricks, her world closing in, the pressure that she feared ultimately causing her to cave underneath it.

She used to thrive in these moments. It was in her parent’s worst actions she learned her strength, taking the bull by the horns, learning how to run her life her way and making things successful – while taking care of her sister in the process.

What was happening to her? After all, she had allowed her sister to run off to a different country in a pandemic with someone she’d only known for not even a full month. Thankfully, everything went fine – except for Emily getting sick with food poisoning.

She glanced over towards the photo on the mantle, smiling as she thought back to how magical it was to be at Phoenix Raceway with Chase, how amazing it was to see him crowned a Cup Champion. It had been the culmination of everything in his life – living up to the pressure and expectations, pushing it all aside to perform in the moment he most needed to.

He was also a great person to spend time with, as the chemistry was there immediately. For the first time, she could easily share things with someone – her likes, dislikes, some of her feelings – without holding back. It was also nice to see him do the same in return. They also understood each other, knowing focus on work would sometimes take precedence with possible travel getting in the way – like this weekend with him being in Florida.

Though all she could think about was their most recent conversations, in how he wanted to be there for her, support her, take care of her, and offered to do everything if necessary.

Was she becoming too dependent on him before he suggested that? Could she honestly survive on her own without him? Was she still the same independent woman as always?

Glancing back at the computer, she knew suggesting a break and time apart to reassure those questions would never go over well. He’d fully question it, push back against it, and it’d probably be the end of them – she could never handle that heartbreak.

Therefore, she was left with no choice to succeed at her goal, land that next job, and ensure her future in another way. It was why she found herself loading job search websites, seeing what magazines were currently in the process of hiring – hopeful of finding something in the field she wanted.

Given that her background was survival, strength and pain, she wanted to bring a refreshed approach. Her ideals on journalism were to be involved in lifestyle, sharing the good hearted stories to make people feel better, inspire them, help them so they could never feel the way she felt.

Who wanted to publish those types of stories?

Friday, January 22 – North Carolina

Alexa walks into the shop, standing in the doorway as she watches Alex kneel down alongside one of the twin midgets, totally invested in the rear suspension components. She absolutely loved watching him work and be in deep thought as she could stand there for hours, but that wasn’t an option today.

There was a conversation to be had.

“What are you doing?” She questions, catching his attention as he lets out a sigh.

“Trying to figure out what we can do differently,” he answers, as he thinks back through the past week. The Chili Bowl certainly lived up to expectations in relation to the party as there were a lot of drinks consumed and laughs to be had; he had missed being able to do that with friends. However, the performance totally sucked as neither car made the A-Main despite having caliber drivers that certainly knew their way around a car.

“I wouldn’t be bummed out about the performance. You said it yourself to Chase – the best of the best race there every year, guys that do this all the time and masters of their craft. Being able to get to the B, even C there is like making the primary event anywhere else.” She hated to console him right now, but she couldn’t just leave him totally frustrated.

“I know, but I feel that I let CJ and Jake down…” She felt her guard falling quickly in seeing the disappointment as he stood up and backed away from the car. Why did he always have this affect on her no matter what she was upset about?

“If those boys felt that, they would let you know. You’re all in the same boat together. We’re just going to need to dig our heads a little deeper, do some more testing, and work out what we need to do.” He smiles a little, as the vote of confidence was certainly welcomed.

“I still owe you a Midget test. I haven’t forgot.” She smiles, knowing that was a good takeaway from the week. However, a deep breath, and she remembered the argument that led to the discussion happening. It was where she shared some of her secrets in relation to disappointment and her parents – which probably led to what happened. Taking another deep breath, breaking out in yelling wouldn’t get her anywhere right now.

“I appreciate that, but I have something to ask you first. Why did you call my father?” The color instantly drains from Alex’s face in hearing the question. Did he seriously run to her about the phone call?

“Can I know what he sai-”

“Answer the question, Alex Michael.” Alex knew she was angry when she resorted to calling him that.

“The relationship between you and your mother breaks my heart, from seeing it firsthand to hearing you talk about how it’s affected you. Caring about you and wanting to help you, I want to do what’s best for you – hence why I reached out. I wanted to see if there was any way that I could help improve the relationship. They’re married, so he knows what makes her tick and has a soft spot for you, so maybe he knows where to find one in your mother.” Alexa couldn’t help but laugh in response. There was no way in this world that her mother had a heart.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you called my father?” Alexa knew what her father said, and didn’t believe those words – but was more pained to first hear of the conversation from him than Alex.

“I wanted to do this on my own, to help you. Considering the conversation didn’t go anywhere, I did not feel the need to say anythin-”

“It would’ve been nice to have a little warning about my father calling me to offer his thoughts on you. I mean, I’m used to him calling me, offering comments, wanting me to do something – this or that, trying to bribe me anyway he can with his millions. However when I answered his phone call, I had no idea that instead this time he was ready to chew your ass out and offer his stern, strict opini-”

“I’m sorry, Alexa…” What else was Alex supposed to say?

“Sorry for what he said, or sorry for not telling me? Truthfully, I’m not surprised about his opinion of you. He thinks any guy that tries to get near me is only because of him and mother. He thinks that everybody just thinks of money and nothing else – hence the accusations that he probably offered you. But it’d be nice to hear these things first from you so I’m not totally caught off-guard.” Alex nods his head, still unsure of what to say next. Why couldn’t relationships have a handbook just like racecars?

“I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t think of the fall-out in that regard as I didn’t expect him to immediately phone you and offer his opinion on our conversation. I thought it was just a dead end, nothing more to be said, and was going to look at this a different rou-”

“Do me a favor, and just drop the whole topic. I grew up with my mother. I lived in that house for 16 years, Alex. I can assure you that there’s nothing that will make her crave or do anything that you’d like to see. Hence why it’s better to just handle it the way it is – cordial visits, conversation about careers to a minimum, and moving forward with our lives. Is that understood?” Alex slowly nods his head, biting his own tongue in the process.

He couldn’t believe it was totally lost hope as there was always something that made the sweetness, happiness extend from someone. It was just finding the key.

Friday, January 22 – Daytona Beach, Florida

“Chase!!”

Chase hears his name shouted, slightly surprised as he didn’t see himself as someone that’d be gathering attention from fellow competitors in the garage this weekend. However, the voice also sounded familiar.

He turns on his heels, a smile forming on his face immediately in seeing the white firesuit come closer to where he was now standing, knowing he could never pass up this conversation.

“So, now that you have gotten your own laps, what do you think?” Jimmie questions, in reference to the Rolex 24 Hours of Daytona practice they had just completed that day. Chase had finally gotten his first laps behind the wheel of the No. 31 Whelen Engineering Prototype, with some decent success.

“It’s going to be a couple badass fun days,” he comments with a chuckle, only to receive one back in return. “I thought I was prepared based on the simulator, but it just feels so totally different than anything I’ve driven.”

“Just wait until you get your hands on an IndyCar and you’ll be even more shocked.” Chase shakes his head no, knowing his plate was certainly full right now in learning how to drive this car – along with still wanting to learn more in the midget.

“I think I’ll pass on that oppor-”

“Seriously? I thought you’d be all over it considering you also have mentioned wanting to try a sprint car one day.” Chase remembered the conversation they had about it, though knew it was probably a good idea to push that back. It turned out dirt was a lot harder than he expected it to be – just look at the Chili Bowl experience. “Let me guess – Paige is afraid of the danger.”

“Oh no, not one bit. She told me that the reigns are off and I’m all good to play because she knows she can trust me.” Chase lets out a sigh as soon as those words leave his mouth. She could trust him behind the wheel of anything he wanted, but yet wasn’t totally possibly there elsewhere. It just didn’t make sense. “Any way of convin-”

“Should I be concerned about you and Paige? The last time I saw you together, you both looked quite content in each other’s arms at Phoenix.” Chase could only shake his head at the thought, realizing the last time they had really spent time together in-person was in November. A sigh, and he knew seeing less of Jimmie was something to get used to, even without COVID around. He knew he could handle things, but it was nice having him there for advice as he always seemed to offer what was necessary. “Chase?”

“We’re still together, in love, everything is peachy-”

“Save the bullshit and get to the point, Elliott.” Chase couldn’t help but smile – that was an exact example of it right there, as Jimmie always saw through and knew where to go with the advice.

“She tells me that she can trust me no matter what. She tells me that she loves me no matter what. She tells that everything together is a reflection of what we have together – but yet she then says she can’t let everything go and put it in my hands. She can’t let the security of her own life, and just totally trust me with every single piece of the puzzle. How do you wrap your arms around that?” Jimmie thinks it over, remembering each of their conversations prior. He had originally helped Chase with advice in how to get Paige to open up about her family’s history.

“You told me that her father ripped everything apart with her mother, and ultimately caused the pain she could barely share with you. That may be removed and she may have moved on from then, but that pain never leaves you entirely. It sits there in the back of your heart, ready to remind you in every moment. Those comments are just a simple reflection of that.” Chase nods his head, having already figured that out based upon Paige’s words. Thus far, the advice was falling flat on it’s face.

“So how do I work past that? How do I make it so she can totally trust me without a single comparison or thought to what happened?” Jimmie looks over at Chase, knowing he wouldn’t like the answer – but what other choice did he have?

“Time. Time is the only thing that heals all wounds. You can’t just say something or flip a switch and everything be totally fine. It’s just like when they say you should take the time to grieve, or time to think through a decision. But through that, you need to be there. Be strong for her, hold her when she’s emotional, assure her when she’s afraid, remind her of how much you care, and keep building the foundation. If you keep doing that, then with time you’ll build the pure respect and trust that you want to see.” Chase lets out a sigh, having figured that based on everything else thus far with Paige. It didn’t mean he was happy about it, though.

“Thanks, I guess. I just wish I could erase everything for her, you know?” Jimmie nods his head, wrapping his arm around Chase’s shoulders.

“Absolutely, because for the woman you love, you’re always willing to do whatever it takes to make them feel better. It’ll work out, Chase. She loves you – and I know you’ll treat her right.”

Fast Cars and Fast Lives – Chapter 10: Stinky Surprise

January 19, 2021 – Charlotte, North Carolina

Noah reaches Fox Sports 1 Studios with a smile on his face – media shoots were typically long and became boring, but it also meant that race season was right around the corner, thankfully.

Emily
9:00am
Just smile and the day will go by easier….

Noah smiles in reading the latest text message from her, as she always seemed to put him in a good mood, no matter what they were saying to each other.

Noah
9:02am
It’d go by better if I was able to have you here with me.

He knew he was getting ultra flirty with the lines, but who could blame him? He was totally smitten by her, and she was probably the only thing keeping him from being bored this off-season than working out. It was nice to have a distraction, rather than finding the usual suspect trouble with friends.

Once he was checked in, he goes into the changing room as instructed. Glancing at his jeans and a t-shirt, it also felt nice to know he was getting back in some other familiar attire today. There was only one problem – he hadn’t done the laundry.

Lying out the bag on the floor and unzipping it, he prepared to plug his nose or let out a big eww in knowing the potential stank that resided inside. After all, he hadn’t washed his firesuit since the Snowball Derby.

As expected, there was certainly some stench that filled the air immediately, but at least he could live with it. Slipping into the cloth, even a little tighter than expected, the smile returned to his face – Snowball Derby was where he met Emily, helped her, the sparks flew and the rest as you could say was history.

He glances at his phone, noticing she hadn’t replied back to his message. It made him pout a little as he’d hoped her messages would make the long drawn out day easier to handle. Though he also understood – she was busy with school, totally focused on getting strong grades, so he wasn’t going to bust that up.

After all, it seemed they were balancing a tight rope thus far as noted with their conversation and her lecture a couple nights ago.

Letting out a sigh as he glances in the mirror once again, he realized every thought consisted her name, Emily Porter, as he tried to insert her into everything. It was simple – he wanted every moment with her, including the rest of his life – his entire future. A deep breath, and it was a shock as he never thought he’d be someone that’d feel a connection so tightly to a girl – and so quickly.

He had been through a bit of a roller coaster, understandably so with everything happening around his family. As a result, he got to know people and relationship lessons quicker than most. He had trusted some people that perhaps shouldn’t have been on the list – the wrong friends so to speak who didn’t have his true goals in mind.

Now here that same guy was inserting this girl into every aspect of his life in his mind in a matter of a couple months. Was he ready for this?

He remembered the hesitation in her voice, at the very suggestion of the smallest things in regards to a future or further commitment. He knew parts of her story – but not everything – probably why she held back with regards to them. Maybe it was time to take that as a hint to take a step back himself and see where things headed, a little more slowly.

Then again, he loved the conversation and everything, and didn’t want to let go. What if he drew back and distance formed they could never make-up? Was it worth the risk, or should he push those barriers to show her what was possible like his mind told him?

“Ah shit!” He snaps out of his thoughts in hearing his phone go off, knowing he’d been in there way too long, and was probably going to be late for his first activity of the year.

Emily
9:30am
I think you’d be a much better view than my professor, too

He had to chuckle a little at message, loving the sentiment behind it, as he headed for the first activity of the day.

Moving through the different stations, everything was going smoothly – despite protocols in-place despite COVID-19. Perhaps the mask mandate was a good idea, considering the slight stance that he had going on.

“Dude, do you know how to do laundry?” He hears, causing him to glance to his right with a chuckle. Of course a fellow driver would recognize the smell. “Just for the record, you stank.”

“I forgot to wash it after the Snowball,” Noah easily admits to Cole Custer, figuring he might as well just come clean.

“Well please do your team a favor, as well as the rest of us drivers who interact with you, and wash it before February. I wouldn’t want your crew chief to walk over to talk to you and pass out.” Noah admittedly was taken back by the response, not thinking it was totally strong enough to reach that level. However, he understood the sentiments shared from Cole. “Try not to knock someone ou-”

“Can I ask you for some girl advice?” Noah felt surprise wash over himself as soon as the words escaped his mouth. What was happening?

“So who do you have a crush on and want to ask out?” Noah shakes his head, knowing that was off-base.

“Actually, she is already my girlfri-”

“Woah wait, someone wants to date your stinky ass?” Noah slowly nods his head yes. “Show me.” Noah pulls out his phone, loading an image him and Emily took together while he showed off some of his favourite non-strip spots in Las Vegas. “She’s pretty. So what’d you do wrong?”

“Why do you always assume the worst?” Noah thought he’d at least gained a little more respect than that.

“Because we know you, Noah. Unfortunately, you have a track record.” Noah knew that was true on-track, and perhaps a little away from it. However, he had hoped to be changing the tune so to speak.

“I didn’t do anything wrong – yet. I’m worried that I’m falling too fast, and in conversation with her, I think she shares the similar feeling. However, I feel if I pull back, I am going to lose her. What should I do?” It seemed so simple when he asked it out loud, despite the mixed thoughts earlier.

“Things are working so far, right? She is agreeing to spend time with you and talk with you. So why change what’s working? Keep following the same tune, go with the flow, and things will happen as they’re supposed to. We both know if you start trying too hard that you’ll fuck it up.” Noah nods his head, having grown used to doing that on occasions.

“Alright, sounds simple. Thank you, Cole.” Cole smiles with a nod as he heads off, which was Noah’s cue to go to the next location.

January 19, 2021 – Dawsonville, Georgia

Paige makes her way into the living room, setting down a pair of glasses on the table before sitting down alongside Samantha.

“So when are you getting back to investigating cases and being super spy?” Paige questions, causing Samantha to chuckle in return. Despite having repeated the words Private Investigator multiple times, Paige always called her a Super Spy instead.

“As soon as I am healed up – which should be by next week as the pain is pretty much gone,” Samantha replies with a smile on her face, looking forward to it. It was pretty boring without the mystery in her life. “Although, Ryan is a little skeptical about me returning. I think I rattled him by getting hurt.”

“Really?” Samantha nods her head, remembering the conversation Ryan insisted upon with addressing fears and dangers of the job.

“He’s worried that it’ll happen again, but more serious, as he questioned how many times these things happens and how dangerous the job can get. Even though I told him this is a very slim change – say once in a 100 cases, he still gives me an odd glance when I talk about a new potential client or returning.” Paige could only shake her head, surprised to hear of Ryan rattled. It was also interesting considering she was in the same scenario with Chase in the boys wanting to do everything.

“Have you told him that he doesn’t need to take care of you, be overprotective, and you can run your own life? I mean, I’m sorry, but these boys seem like control frea-”

“Are you and Chase having issues?” Paige bit her tongue, not wanting to quite discuss that yet.

“Let’s just say that I am looking at a career change in writing direction, nervous as hell because what if I don’t land someth-”

“You’re too good of a writer for someone to pass up.” Paige was flattered, but knew Samantha was also her best friend so comments of appreciation came easy.

“But what if? What if I leave my current post, and don’t find anything? He told me that I didn’t need to worry, he’d support and do everything for me, it was okay, blah blah blah. I told him that wasn’t going to be an option because I’m not ready to lean on someone else for support and everything. I’m here to do things on my own and be strong.” Samantha nods her head, sympathizing with her friend’s viewpoint.

“Did he easily accept it?” Samantha hadn’t gone head-to-head with Ryan yet, so advice on point was a good idea.

“He understood why based on my reasoning and history, but kept assuring that no matter what it’d work out – while then giving the over flattery love speech that you’d typically here in this situation.” Samantha chuckles, knowing while she loved a fairy tale speech and love, that wasn’t quite Paige’s style. Her parents probably had ruined that for her.

“While I keep telling Ryan that he has nothing to worry about, and I do veto my cases before selecting them. He hasn’t quite signed off on approval, but he hasn’t said no – so I am going to roll with it and we’ll see what happens.” Paige bit her tongue, in hopes that things went smoothly as she knew if not, she’d be picking up the pieces with Samantha – and that’d make things awkward across the board. “In the meanwhile, I spent my time reorganizing all my files properly so that way I am fully ready to go on-track without issues. It makes me smile in how many cases I’ve been able to do and successfully, but it breaks the heart because I still ponder about a case.”

“Is it that time of year once again where you renew your search for Alanna’s parents?” Samantha lets out a sigh as she thinks back to the words and notes in the file, remembering she had flipped through it twice after Ryan went to bed that night.

“She reached out to me a couple weeks ago, telling me how COVID-19 had made her struggles even worse. It was hard to pay bills due to a lack of steady income, and nobody to lean on for support made it more difficult. Then the fact that you’re supposed to stick with just family, and no friends, cut off the socialization to try and speak about that to the few friends she has. She broke my heart, Paige. I tried to give her the best advice I could mentally, even suggesting talking to someone professional, and even e-transferred her a couple hundred dollars to get by.”

“Damn….” Paige then glances at the table, seeing a file sticking out of the folder that Samantha had brought with her. She already knew the results. “So you re-pulled the file out, and are back trying every resource possible? I thought you said the last time you contacted every person that knew about adopti-”

“I did, and that’s the only reason I haven’t pulled it out again.” Paige then sat there confused, as her eyes locked on the folder on the table.

“Samantha, then what’s the file in the folder, if you don’t mind?” Samantha takes a deep breath, her eyes following the lead to the table. She knew what rested in there.

“It was a file that was in one of the boxes that I didn’t recognize – the folder color doesn’t match anything I’ve ever used. I pulled it out, and there was a note on it – a hand written note in my mother’s writing….” Paige now glances over confused as she watches Samantha open the folder to reveal the folder, with the note written on it. “She told me she had something to tell me, but couldn’t bring the courage to say it or simply bring it up. So she snuck it in myself before loading it for shipping to my new home. It was then my decision whether to open the folder and read the contents, or not.”

“Are there any clues to possibly what she wanted to give you?” Samantha shakes her head no, swallowing the lump in her throat.

“I’ve been in the business long enough. I know that typically when a client does this, it means that there’s some deep secret that you probably shouldn’t or wouldn’t want to know. I’m scared of the contents.” She then takes a deep breath, running her fingers across the top. “But then again, the investigative side of me is curious. What could be there that was so daunting? What could be the worst thing ever? What secret does my mother have that she wants to share with me?”

“So now you’re carrying it around with you in hopes you earn enough courage to open it.” Samantha slowly nods her head, set to close the folder, when a hand lands on top of hers. “What if we open it together? What if you see what she wants to tell you, while having a friend to hold your hand and comfort you, in case? That way it’s not so daunting in receiving possible bad news alone.”

“Fine. If you want to just rip the band-aid off, then go for it.” Taking a deep breath, Samantha allows the folder to open for the first time since she had come across it. The words at the top of the page stung her. “Adoption papers.”

“For?” Paige watches as Samantha picks them up to look over them closely, jaw dropping as she does in the process.

“These are the official custody documents for me, for me Paige. I was adopted….” Paige’s jaw drops in response, knowing by Samantha’s reaction that she hadn’t realized that. “Here I am 25-years-old, private investigator whose looked into everybody’s history, knows everything I can know, and yet I didn’t know that I was adopted. I always thought Alexis was my real mother. But no, she’s not. She’s adopted me, took custody of me.”

Samantha continues to flip through the pages, reading the details of the custody adoption agreement as it was written. Some of it felt off with certain things not pertaining as you’d expect from what she read in other cases, while other things just made her jaw drop in shock.

At the end of the documents, there was another note, written in the same hand writing as she had seen on the folder.

“Dear Samantha,” she begins reading as quietly as possible. “I didn’t know how to tell you that I wasn’t your real mother. I didn’t know how to tell you that I adopted you. I felt it’d ruin any connection we had as you’d begin to question everything….”

Fast Cars and Fast Lives – Chapter 9: Family Influence

January 13, 2021 – Tulsa, Oklahoma

Chase makes his way around the bed in their hotel room, sitting on what was known to be his side, before swinging the legs up. He had been comfortable, but left with a dry throat to find something to drink. Now with a pop in hand and his laptop, it was time for the homework to begin.

“Are you already watching video from the night?” Paige wonders as she glances over, watching him load in-car footage from the first heat. “How are you supposed to be having fun doing this?”

“This is fun, though,” Chase replies back, which always brought an odd response from everybody. “It’s fun being behind the wheel, learning something new, studying every aspect and getting better. Call me crazy, but I have no complaints about this week – except for the darn car that got into me to start the b-main. That sucked, although I did get some practice passing cars.”

“I’d give you 10 more laps and you may have made that A-main after all.” Chase nods his head, knowing he had finally started to find his groove.

Following a so-so effort in the heats and qualifier, he ultimately found himself starting sixth for the b-main, goal focused on making the top-four. The beginning laps he found himself fin position in fifth keeping up with those around him, but jammed up a little by the car ahead of him and contact from behind saw him go around. Restarting 16^th, he was able to climb his way back through the field to finish eighth – setting him up for the F-Main come Saturday.

Certainly there was disappointment in missing the A-main on his prelim night as that was the ultimate goal for every driver in the building to themselves up in the top bit of the alphabet soup. However, he couldn’t complain about his performance.

It had been a bit of an eye opener coming to the Chili Bowl following Millbridge and the Port City test, being that everything was totally different in track conditions and how you drove the track. If certainly offered a curve ball in his learning.

Despite being off to speak to at the beginning, everything was seeming to finally come together as he found the ‘groove’ so to speak, and was able to play with lines and make the moves necessary to make passes and move forward. If he could just keep going along those lines, he may make his way through the alphabet soup a little come Saturday.

“Please don’t tell me your upset about the performa-” Paige begins, though is met with a shaking head immediately.

“Not one bit,” he cuts her off immediately as he snaps out of his thoughts. “If anything, it will allow me more practice and more ways to hone those skills to become even better for the next time.” He then stretches his arms out a little, taking a deep breath as he does so. “I’ll also probably get a good workout in, too. I tell you – I don’t know how Christopher and Kyle do this constantly and so well for longer events. You certainly get your workout with your arms wheeling around there.”

“Well just promise me you’ll take it easy and take care of yourself if that’s the case…” Chase nods his head, already having that in mind with the long hot shower he took already.

“So, what are you doing if I may ask?” Chase was actually surprised to see her laptop out, knowing that meant she was working on something. However, he had originally believed all work was put to the side with the focus on fun this trip as she figured out her new direction.

“Double checking if I have any e-mail back from the potential spot, as well as seeing what else is available,” she comments quietly, not taking her eyes off the screen. This wasn’t a conversation she was keen on having based on where it went the last time it was discussed. “If nothing shows up shortly, then I may have to contact my boss and see what’s on the tabl-”

“I thought you had totally crossed him off the list.” She lets out a sigh, remembering those spoken words as Chase had assured her he could handle things if she was stuck for a bit. However, no matter what she thought about, she couldn’t do that – hence holding onto that last piece of her old job for security.

“If I can’t find another job, Chase, then I’m obviously going to need to stick where I am. I have to keep writing to keep my name out there and ensure that I am ready for what comes with the work. Maybe he’ll have something differ-”

“You asked about that before. If I have to guess, you’re still not willing to put everything in my lap and accept my gesture while you press the reset button.” She then glances down, knowing how much that disappointed him. But she also couldn’t change who she was. “I told you this when we met – actually, I didn’t say it right away so give me a moment here. I told you this after a couple months – I don’t open myself up totally to just anybody. It takes someone special, someone that I really trust, someone that I know is right for me, the perfect puzzle if you will. I’ve done that with you, putting every secret that I had in your hands in trust that nothing would be spil-”

“Chase, I would never do that – no matter what happens to us. I told you then, I’m not that type of person.” Chase nods his head, though felt a flip in the stomach in her saying no matter what happens to us. That meant there was a chance of change in what they had. Why was this happening?

“I thought we had everything together – trust, love, friendship, and a good chance at forever, hence how far I’ve taken things with you. If that’s the case, why can’t you trust me enough to let me take care of you for a bit if necessary?” She felt a tear trickle down her cheek, hating they were at this point in questioning their trsut for each other. That never seemed to be an issue before, no matter his insecurities over a relationship and being close to someone opening up, or her insecurities over a relationship due to her parents.

“I watched my mother put everything that she trusted in my father’s hands – her lifestyle, money, every piece of her life was in his hands. I watched him take that, fumble it in a ball, and do whatever necessary with it to control her, hurt her, and take advantage of her. I trust you and I love you, but I can’t let go of that security in fear of what I watched my mother go through.” Chase takes a deep breath, understanding how difficult it was to admit her feelings in relation to her parents, and he understood where she may be coming from. But still, the lack of trust and her thought it could very well be possible definitely stung. He knew he was never capable of doing that to someone.

“I love you so much that I could never see myself hurting you, or doing anything like that to you. I’d hope you’d know tha-”

“I do, and my feelings on the situation have no direct influence to what you’ve done or who you are or anything. They are a complete reflection of me. It’s why I always feel the need to be in control of everything in my life, in my sister’s life even. It’s why I never want to leave anything to chance, afraid that something will happen and ruin it. I don’t want that feeling of being lost, afraid, and unable to handle it again. I can’t do that…” Chase sets his laptop aside, reaching over as he wraps an arm around her, pulling her body against his as he runs his hand down her back.

“You were strong and you were brave – you still are the most amazing person that I know, Paige. But I am going to ensure you that I will do whatever it takes in my power to take care of you, be there for you, and ensure you never go through that again. Nobody should have to go through that.”

The words seemingly went over her head, slightly soaking in her mind, as her tears soaked his bare chest with the emotions coming out tenfold about the fight and everything she had endured. It wasn’t often she let the emotions hit her, but when they did, it racked her world for a couple hours.

*******************

January 14, 2021 – Tulsa, Oklahoma

Alex took a deep breath as he sat in the trailer with his phone in hand.

This was supposed to be a weekend of fun. He was supposed to be working on the midgets, getting his hands dirty, ensuring his drivers had the best chance to get in the show. He was supposed to be hanging out with friends, enjoying the laughs and stories – and adult beverages at night until he was told to leave. He was supposed to be working alongside his crew guys with his drivers, soaking up every moment in knowing he didn’t always get this chance to play in the dirt due to his NASCAR schedule and obligations.

Though a deep breath, and his mind was focused back on Alexa and her parents. He couldn’t shake it no matter how hard he tried, but he kept thinking about meeting with them, and discussing things. He remembered the pleading with her mother about things, combined with the smiles with her father as they snuck off alone. He remembered every bit of time Alexa spent speaking of her relationship with them, wishing they’d understand her better, tired of arguing over her passion and the money.

Glancing at the number typed into the phone, he knew he had to dial the number and inquire about everything.

“Hello?” He hears a male voice on other end, almost about to hang up and regret the phone call. However, that’d just make things look worse.

“Hello,” he starts, trying to stay as calmly as possible. He’d never made this type of phone call before. Was he doing the right thing? Was this a normal boyfriend thing to do? How did people normally handle these situations? “It’s Alex calling by the wa-”

“Is everything okay with Alexa?” Alex could easily understand the question, as why would he just randomly be calling her parent’s number? Perhaps he was doing this all wrong. He also could feel the nerves coursing through him, knowing they were coming through in his voice.

“Yeah, absolutely. She’s actually having a lot of fun at her first Chili Bowl hanging out with my team, and some new friends.” Alex bit his tongue as the words escaped his lips. That wasn’t along the things that her parents supposedly approved of. “I am actually calling because I wanted to talk to you about a couple things.”

“If you’re thinking that you can go from a brief dinner with us and only dating for a matter of months, to asking for her hand in marriage, you sir are a little insane.” Alex’s jaw dropped in the immediate assumption, actually having a chuckle in response. What else was he supposed to do? “This isn’t a laughing matter, Mr. Bowman. I take my daughter very seriously, and know how men are willing to take advantage of her and her feelings to get to the family’s fortune.”

“I’m not calling for her hand in marriage as trust me, I know that I am not ready for that anywhere yet.” He could’ve gone on and said more about this being his first serious relationship, still learning how things worked, and surprised he was this deep with a girl to begin with. However, he wasn’t about to bare it all to a man that he wasn’t sure even trusted him yet, or someone that wanted to shout those types of accusations and assumptions at him. It was getting annoying seeing everybody assume stuff based on the little bit they knew him. “With all due respect, I also don’t need your family’s fortune or your daugther’s mommy. I have a respectable job myself that certainly pays my bills and everything else. My relationship with Alexa has nothing to do with money or your family’s business involvement.”

“Anybody can say something, but mean something entirely different. In other words, you’ll have to prove yourself.” Alex smiles as he was used to that, having proven many skeptics and doubters wrong through the years in his road to where he was now. It seemed to be written right into his journey as everyone asked questions at every turn. Though admittedly, the entire conversation had him taken back, sounding nothing like the one they shared in the kitchen after dinner. Was he really doing the right thing here?

“I look forward to proving you wrong, and showing you how much I truly care about your daughter. That’s actually why I am calling – out of love and caring, if you will. I know Alexa’s relationship with her mother is very poor to say the least. They have a lot of disagreements about things, and it came out while I was at dinner. I know that we came to a small understanding in the kitchen, but I was wondering if possibly you could offer some insight. How could that relationship be improved?” He found himself crossing fingers and toes, still doubtful about what he was doing right now or where things actually stood at all following the lecture that he had been delivered not once but twice.

“To be frank, my wife is very stubborn and set in her ways. It’s always been her way or the highway. It’s what makes her a great business woman and negotiator because she can always get what she wants in every deal. It’s what has helped build our business because you can’t pull one past her. I really don’t see any way that you can fully get her to come around and have that dream relationship you want, especially considering the poor choice of career by you both.” Alex felt a punch in the gut in hearing those words. It was like grade school all over again, where the teachers wanted you to think of something practical as how could you drive around in circles for a living?

“With all due respect, I feel confident in my career choice, as I do feel about Alexa as well. We have both been very successful in our endeavors, winning events and championships to establish a lifestyle that we can sustain with our sponsorship dollars and job dollars. I know there’s risks in that as it can fall apart via a simple let go of sponsor or things going affray, but that’s why back-up plans are always in place to ensure a future will be maintained, a business pla-”

“All those are wonderful things to be said, and I’m sure you could showcase documents of all that for both myself and Amber. However, maybe you haven’t damaged enough cars or injured yourself enough to realize the safety risks. Are you aware of those, Mr. Bowman?” Alex clinched in hearing the continued reference to his last name – it felt in personal, like a total business relationship. Wasn’t this supposed to be a different level?  Though the sentiment was no surprise – typical outsider.

“I can assure you both of our racing vehicles that we run are built safely, hence the extra roll bars and gear that you must wear. I’d even invite you to come out to a race or down to the race shop to see all of that for yourself. That said, there’s no denying the danger and risks; I’ve seen it with plenty of my friends. But for me, the risk is worth the reward, the thrill, every aspect of what I do. It brings me a whole different level of passion for both myself and Alexa actually, and I’d hope you respect that – same level that you get for being successful in bus-”

“Being a successful business person and being an adrenaline junky who just pushes danger aside are two different things. That right there is probably where your disagreement with her mother would lie. I appreciate the phone call and attempt, but frankly, Alexa can tell you where things stand and how they are. Hopefully we can see each other again, soon….”

The dial tone on the other end meant one thing – there was no more words to be said or heard in this conversation. Taking a deep breath, Alex felt his stomach in knots as he knew this could be either bad, or good.

The bad thing is he made no progress, aggravated her father, and brought a whole other side that he wasn’t even aware of. Perhaps that could backfire in dictating how future conversations would go with the parents, with probably no hope of ever getting approval.

He wasn’t worried about that, as Alexa was all that mattered to him at the end of the day. That was okay, right? She was the one that was going to be with him, part of his life, sharing everything and he cared about. The rest didn’t matter – at least that’s how he viewed relationships. Maybe that’s why this was the first big serious one.

Though behind that, there was a big heart – hence the phone call, hence the attempt, and hence wanting to possibly break through in the future. The abrupt cut off of the phone caught him off-guard. He found himself repeating his last argument to her father, followed by repeating those words back in return. A person only hung up if they were annoyed, or you had struck a cord with them to anger them.

What was it about those words that angered Alexa’s father?

Fast Cars and Fast Lives – Chapter 8: Conflicted Feelings

Wednesday January 13, 2021 – Tulsa, Oklahoma

Alexa lets out a sigh as she keeps her eyes locked on the track before her, watching with a smile as the dirt slings out the back of the familiar No. 55 car that she’d gotten used to seeing, having spent hours alongside the guys slaying on it. Now seeing it maxed out on the dirt, throwing big rooster tails, finding its way to the front of the field at the hands of Jake Swanson, she couldn’t help but smile.

While they had gotten down a little on Monday night about their program, there was no denying they had something there with what Jake was able to accomplish tonight. It was why a fist pump was raised in seeing him cross the finish line in third in the qualifier, knowing that’d set them up well for the main.

“I know you shared a passion with me about the cars, but I didn’t know how invested you were about the dirt program,” she hears, her breath catching in her throat at the same time in recognizing the voice. She knew the comments were only coming to light virtue of the mess that happened a couple days ago.

“I admit that I wasn’t initially,” she starts in a low voice, knowing she had to offer some solace out of everything. It wasn’t as much his fault as it was her own. “I thought why would these guys want to imitate sliding around or try and do it easier by throwing some slippery surface under their cars. But then I started watching more. I saw how involved the set-ups were, and how much wheel work goes into being able to do it consistently and correctly over a full run.” She finally takes her eyes off the track to look him in the eyes. “It began to earn respect from me in watching the on-boards, seeing just how much talent it truly took. Plus, the deal was sealed in smelling the fumes, taking on the excitement right close to the track. There’s something special about controlling something that looks out of control, but it’s even cooler to see that ragged edge met with close side-by-side battles as you try to outsmart the other competitor in your move.”

“I’ve never heard someone describe dirt racing quite like you just did, but it just brought a big smile to my face as you’re spot on in so many ways. It’s why no matter how much I love asphalt and stock cars, I could never let the dirt go and why I insisted in having a team of my own and being involved.” He then walks over, wraps an arm around her. “I guess in my focus about the racing, I never thought to take a glance and see what your feelings wer-”

“Even if I wasn’t a big fan, I’d never ask for you to change what you’re doing, Alex. This is what makes up who you are, this is your make-up, and this was here when we got together. I know being with you means I get the whole package, and frankly, I don’t have any complaints.” He smiles as it was nice to hear that, considering he hadn’t been able to sleep the past couple nights due to his own doubts.

“I just feel we should’ve had this conversation sooner, though. I should’ve known and trusted you better to talk about thi-”

“If you’re talking about what happened on Monday, you have no reason to apologize or say anything wrong. I should know by now if I want something to be known or done, I should just damn well say and as-”

“It shouldn’t come to that, though. I mean, I didn’t have to ask for you to let me play in your car and welcome to your world of drifting. But yet here I am, not giving you the same ample opportunity – on both ends of my love for motorsports.” Alexa could only day dream, wondering what just would exactly happen if she was to jump behind the wheel of a stock car. Could she adapt to the conditions as quickly as she did to sliding around?

“Alex, you don’t have to bea-”

“No, but I should know to trust you. I should know to ensure to you that you trust me enough to say anything. When I heard the full details, I admittedly wondered if I had done enough to say this – you mean a ton to me, Alexa, more than any car in my garage or any toy that I can find. I have never said that about anybody in my life – well, except the dogs actually, but you’re the first person to truly connect with me on a different level that sometimes I wondered if possible. I want you to know that, and understand that.” He then wraps his arms around her, pulling her close to him, which didn’t take much as she always loved their close time together. “I love you Alexa Carlson, and I want to damn well spend the rest of our lives together.”

“I love you, too, and I am glad that I found you as well. You’re the first person who truly understands me, and lets me totally be myself without a single worry or expectation. You let me explore who I am, supporting me fully, complementing on so many levels.” She then glances into his eyes, seeing every worry that filled him the past 24 hours. “I absolutely hate that you had any doubt, or fear that you had failed me in anyway simply because of something so little as this, because Alex, it’s the complete opposite when it comes to you. You’re amazing, pure, funny, entertaining – and perfectly mine. Don’t ever think that you’ve done me wrong, okay?”

“I’ll try, but I can’t promise because I want the best for yo-”

“And I want the best for you in return, as well. That’s why next time you should bring your concerns to me, just as I should be upfront with you instead of sharing those secrets with guys like CJ who sometimes don’t know how to shut up.” Alex had to chuckle a little, though at the same time wanted to hug CJ in bringing this to light.

“It just hurt me when he said that you felt I doubted your talent, ability, and experience to do it – when I could never do that.” Alexa takes a deep breath, remembering those words exactly as they were said at Millbridge.

“I think it was more so my parents playing a role in things than you yourself, actually. My parents always tried to hold me back from certain things, saying that I couldn’t do them because I wasn’t talented enough, or it wasn’t the right thing for the girl to do, or whatever excuse they could make. Therefore, if I find something that even questions my ability, it brings me back to that and I lose my confide-”

“Wait, Alexa not confident? I’m sorry, but I’ve never heard that before.” She had to smile, knowing that was certainly something – and proved just how much of a front she could pull at times.

“I guess I’m good at faking the doubts, huh?” He looks at her a little surprised, feeling a bit hurt again. “My parents are the picture of strength, having everything in their life together perfectly with their companies and doing everything as you’d want in a movie. The expectation is as high as the ceiling, and dare a person if they don’t meet that a touch. Do you know how hard that can be to live up to sometimes? And in those situations with them, you show a shadow of doubt and your strength is ripped apart because to them, it proves you can’t handle it. The opposite is, and I know this from experience, is doubts are perfectly natural and having fears is part of life – but most times, you can overcome them through hard work. So when it comes to those moments, I resort to what I did then – hiding it in myself until I figure out a way, hence why I probably hid my interest because of fear of not hitting that expectation that you’d expec-”

“Just so we’re clear, I have no certain expectations – well, except don’t cheat on me, don’t screw me over, and the usual bullshit. But there’s nothing midget wise, okay?” She looks at a little taken back, debating between what she wanted to say in response. She could be very serious here, or very smartass – typical herself when she wanted to run away from feelings.

“Do I want to recall those various shop discussions and you’re specific expectations for cleaning the car, and certain work?” He rolls his eyes, actually surprised she used that on him right there. “Alex, relax, I know what you’re saying and damn, I should know that and logical side of me knows that. However, the trained part that says I need to be Ms. Perfect doesn’t agree with that. So hence the inner battle, and I’m sorry that caused this in sharing it the way I did.”

“That’s why I want to ensure next time we share every bit of our feelings so we don’t do this again, okay?” She slowly nods her head, with a deep breath. She just hoped she could do that if and when it happened – but hopefully not. “I want to be here for you, help you, do whatever for you – but I can only do that if you share with me. Unlike your parents, I also don’t believe in perfection. Heck, I am the master of making stupid mistakes as you’re aware.” She couldn’t help but chuckle in searching the memory bank for several examples. “So how about after the Chili Bowl, we make a trip to Millbridge or somewhere and you can try your hand at one of these red tank warriors?”

“You don’t need to feel obligated to make me feel bett-”

“I am not doing it for that reason, Alexa. I’m doing it because I want you to experience why I love this sport so much so I can convert you just that much more. Besides, I think you may have a knack for doing it more than you realize. Heck, I may invite your father out there for some fun.” Alexa could only look back surprised in the response, though had to smile. It was nice to see Alex forming that bond already there.

“Good luck convincing my mother to let him off the leash.”

*********

Wednesday January 13, 2021 – Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising – Los Angeles, California

Emily lets out a sigh as she glances over the text book, barely able to keep herself amused with the words on the pages. Thankfully, she was feeling better – but that meant having to dive herself back into school work. Who wanted to do that with this boring material?

While she loved the two-year program for what it had to offer in technique and knowledge for fashion design, she could puke at the other half. She understood the importance of being able to market her clothes and sell them, but they could certainly write the merchandising chapters of these books in a more entertaining format.

She hears her phone go off, almost ready to roll her eyes in wondering if Paige was checking on her for what seemed like the millionth time in just her first day back to school. However, she doubted that’d be the case with Paige wrapped up in Chase’s prelim qualifying night.

Instead, seeing the sender’s name displayed, she couldn’t help but smile, knowing he could text her any day and time that she wanted.

Noah
7:11pm
So what is keeping you amused tonight?

She hated to burst the bubble of fun by sharing that she was doing school work, however she wasn’t about to lie to him. After all, he had been totally honest with her about much more serious issues despite her biting tongue the whole couple of weeks.

Emily
7:12pm
An Introduction to Fashion Merchandising 101. Supposed to read three chapters to learn how to sell my designs, and market them – and then begin working on a business plan as that’s the main class project

She turned back to the text book, reading a couple pages, knowing the work wouldn’t get done herself. She knew she could probably skim over it, not really give a care, and grab her grade to barely pass – but that wouldn’t be fair to all the hard work to get to this point. Besides, she wanted to maintain her high GPA in knowing that’d be critical in eventually landing a job to prove she knew herself.

Noah
7:14pm
Step one – have a celebrity whose charming and awesome to market your stuff. Step two – have the best designs in the business at your disposal. That’s worked for me so I guess it’s right.

She had to chuckle in response, loving his attempt in trying to make things a little lighter to handle.

Emily
7:16pm
Unfortunately, my professor will probably not accept that answer.

Noah
7:17pm
Ah, they’re not a Noah Gragson fan? Let me guess – they like Harrison Burton

Emily
7:18pm
He is kind of cute actually 😉

Noah
7:20pm
Well fine then – I won’t allow you to design my next round of merchandise

Emily felt her jaw drop in reading the response from him – did he really just offer her a position on his squad? Or was he joking? She also didn’t think he’d come off so strongly after a small jab, either. Even if it was a job offer, she wasn’t about to just accept it like that. How did she know what she was capable of? He hadn’t even seen her work yet!

She was about to type back her response, but her stubborn streak instead found her dialing his number.

“Are you calling to apologize?” He immediately responds upon answering with a smirk written all in the voice.

Of course, it was just a simple game to him – as usual. But she couldn’t dare just take it that way and keep rolling. She had very strict rules about everything in her future and how she was going to handle this – ensuring she proved something to herself. Even more, there were feelings here, deeper than maybe Noah realized, or maybe she wanted to consider.

Crap – maybe she was falling for him too quickly, more quickly than he even thought or envisioned. What if he just wanted a fun friendship?

“I want you to understand this and make it clear – I don’t take hand-outs,” she starts, very sternly, trying to shove all of the conflicted feelings aside for now. “I don’t just allow people to do things to make my life easier, and simply accepting this job on no merit of seeing my wor-”

“Send me over some sketches and I can judg-” Noah starts, as she feels her anger growing, knowing he was just trying to get out of this easily now.

“It’s the same way you wanted to help me meet Samantha and set all that in motion. I don’t want to do this. This is my dream, and I want to prove myself and everybody else that I can do it myself. I don’t need to be coddled, babied, cared for like a little girl. I’m a grown adult and I can do this myself. I appreciate the offer, but I want to find my own road into the business.” Noah felt himself freeze upon hearing her rambling, feeling a mix of feelings. He felt hurt in her not accepting the offer, but even more hurt in knowing he had caused this anger she was feeling.

“I never meant to offend you or anger you, Emily. It’s just I thought I earned a certain special level of trust with you, something beyond just colleagues or friends, and figured it’d be a good partnership as we got to know each other more – help each other, too. I’m sorry…” Emily felt like punching herself in feeling as though there were tears at the other end of the phone call in the apology.

However, it also confirmed something else – they were falling fast for each other, evident by his words in “special level of trust,” and “a good partnership.” Was she truly ready to go that place with him? Could she handle that? Was she looking for comfort in him because of the hurt feelings in her own life, from her parents’ mess to her sister’s over-bearingness?

“It’s okay,” she finally speaks as she takes a deep breath. “You have no need to apology as I know you meant well with your offer. I just can’t do it right now, Noah. I need to do this for me…”

“I understand. I hope this doesn’t change things between us.” Emily bites her tongue, beginning to weigh every thought about them and their future even heavily in her mind with each passing minute.

“It doesn’t. After all, your text messages make bearing through this work easier. Without them, I’d probably be buying a bottle of wine to get through this damn textbook.” In the same breath, though, she wanted to tell him that the distance was also good right now while she weighed what had happened the past month and decided where she wanted to go from here for herself, and with him. It’d give them the chance to take things slower to not fall so fast and make the mistake, just as everyone around her feared.

What if Paige was right after all?

Fast Cars and Fast Lives – Chapter 7: Doubt

Monday, January 11 – Tulsa, Oklahoma

Paige raises her finger towards her mouth, though knowing that’s as far as it’d get thanks to the mask mandate that was in place for the Chili Bowl. So instead, she’d have to settle biting on her lip.

Reminder – make sure to buy a couple packs of lip balm.

“Uh oh, please don’t tell me you’re one of those nervous girlfriends,” Paige hears, causing her to flinch slightly as she glances alongside her. Taking in the female alongside, she recognized her from trips to the track, and seeing her face on twitter. She also recognized her from the trips to the shop to check on the midget build. “I know this is out of Chase’s comfort zone, but I can assure you these cars are safe.”

“I’m not concerned as I believe in him and his ability,” Paige replies back in response, still confused as to who was talking to her. Why would this female randomly walk up to her and ask the question? “My nerves deal with something else entirely. I wonder if I even should have made the trip here.”

“Are you worried about getting COVID-19? I mean, everybody is checked through the gates for symptoms and that’s why we’re wearing mas-”

“Trust me when I say this – it has nothing to do with what’s happening this week…” Paige could only wonder why this lady kept asking questions.

“I’m sorry if I’m being a little overbearing or maybe coming across too strong, or noisy – but I’ve always been that way. Chase will tell you that, actually.” How did this female know her boyfriend? “I pretty much am the same way with any girl in the garage that I come across whose a significant other of one of my husband’s teammates.” Now Paige was really confused, until it came to her…

“Marissa Briscoe?” Marissa slowly nods her head in response as Paige lets out a sigh. “Okay, now everything makes sense as to where I was seeing you and thinking of you. I’m sorry if I came off a little hard strong when you first spoke to me, but unlike you, I don’t open up to strangers.” She could thank her past for that fact.

“I’m so sorry. I should’ve started off properly and introduced myself formally. My name is Maris-”

“Paige Porter, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Paige then took a deep breath, remembering what she had seen posted by this female on twitter through the summer. She remembered feeling for her, and yet so proud when Chase Briscoe won Darlington. “I know we just met, but I want to say how admirable I have been of you and Chase and how you’ve handled things. The strength that you’ve shown, belief in everything, is beyond what I could probably do myself. It’s inspiring to see someone so up front and straight forward with adversity.”

“Thank you. It hasn’t been easy, but I know that God has a plan and it will come together when the time is right.” Paige nods her head, taking a deep  breath. If only she could be so freely and think that about everything, from the future job to her sister. “I know we just met, and the only erason we’re bound together is thanks to our boys (Chase Elliott and Chase Briscoe) being teammates here – who would’ve thought, actually? Anyways, it can help your soul and mind to share what it is on it, talk about it, and maybe find a solution. I can tell you’re totally ravele-”

“Considering your husband runs Xfinity, you’re aware of Noah Gragson.” Marissa slowly nods her head, and Paige knew right away she should’ve started off differently by the alarms that were appearing before her. “Don’t worry, it doesn’t deal with myself and Noah, but instead my little sister and Noah. Bare with me….”

Paige takes a deep breath, not even believing she was doing this right now, but here she was sharing the entire story from the Snowball Derby to the past couple of weeks about Emily’s trip with Noah, and the worries that Paige shared in return. She never did this with anybody, but yet something felt different today.

Maybe it was because of how nice Marissa was, and how inspiring she was about her attitude about things. Maybe it was because of how the worry had amped up in the past couple of hours.

“Maybe I’m insane, maybe I’m crazy, but I just feel this nagging worry for my sister,” Paige expresses. “What if she gets hurt? What if she’s getting herself into something that she shouldn’t be? What Noah does the wrong thing? I mean, heck, she was supposed to go back to school today and she’s stuck in Vegas, in bed, due to food poisoning as a result of eating Korean BBQ.”

“And you’d rather be there caring for her than here?” Marissa questions, having followed along the way, having many questions that she knew would probably remain unanswered.

“Don’t be wrong – I love racing, and I love watching Chase do his thing. I never would’ve thought of being around a dirt track, but I can see the appeal and enjoy my time. However, my sister does always come first.” That was something she hoped Chase understood should push come to shove, unfortunately. She actually wondered just how much of that he understood.

“Let’s face it – there’s a chance of getting poisoned by food no matter where you eat because after all, you don’t see in the kitchens of these places to see how they’re prepping foods. So don’t hold that over Noah’s head, okay? Now, I get worrying and wanting to be there, but food poisoning passes after a series of vomiting and diarrhea. It sucks to see her miss the beginning of school, but at least she’s doing the right thing in taking care of herself until she feels better. Again, you can’t fault Noah or the trip as that could’ve happened anywhere.” Perhaps this is why she shared it with Marissa – to hear the rationale as right now she sounded a little crazy, the same way Chase always calmed her off the blink with reasoning. However, she couldn’t do that with him today as she didn’t want to distract him.

“You’re right, and I am not upset about it. I just worr-”

“Because you’re not there offering the soup and tender care you feel she needs, which I get it. But let’s face it – they’re both adults and smart so they can take care of each other. That’s even offered by her admitting that was the ca-”

“Actually, I saw it on Noah’s timeline and called and got the answer out of her.” She had to wonder now, though, why Emily didn’t just tell her to begin with.

“Considering she knows you worry and care, she probably didn’t want to share in thoughts that you’d become overbearing and think about it more than you should, just like you are. My advice? Believe in your sister. You know that she’s very smart based on her background and raising, and you know she’ll do the right thing. Give her the benefit of the doubt and let her prove to you she can handle this. Though also, if you’re feeling these nerves like right now, why don’t you send her a quick text to see how she’s doing? Explain you’re worried, and let her give you the assurance. But also understand as I’ve said plenty of times, God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. She can handle this.” Paige takes a deep breath, even smiling a little as she finally takes her eyes off staring straight ahead no regard to look over at Marissa.

“Thank you. I appreciate you hearing me out, epically being a complete stranger.”  A chuckle could only be heard back in response.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll get rid of me that easily. After all, the boys are teammates this weekend and Chase (Elliott) seems to be having fun. I’m also going to be spending more time on the road Cup side given the promotion this year.” Paige felt a little dense at first, before remembering that Chase Briscoe was moving to Cup with Stewart-Haas Racing.

“Perhaps you’re right, and I actually wouldn’t mind that.”

Their conversation didn’t get a chance to go longer, as Paige’s eyes focused on the track ahead in seeing the No. 9E head out for its first practice session. A smile formed once the green flag was flown, watching Chase slide the cushion as if he’d been doing it for a couple years now. She only about jumped out of her skin and watching him push a little far, getting slightly squirrely, though felt immediate re-assurance as he settled the car down and got back into the groove by the next corner.

Taking a deep breath, she knew there was no expectations set on this weekend in regards to performance – with a focus on just having fun and learning. Though seeing how he was able to keep steady with his group, she had confidence he was going to do better than most thought.

“I don’t know what to tell you, man,” CJ comments as he stands before the car with his arms crossed. “Normally I can give you some direction with it – but it just sent me so many signals. Like one lap it was doing one thing, but yet did a complete 180 the next lap.”

“Did you take the same approach both laps?” Alex questions to which CJ just nods his head in response, glancing over the car confused. It was even more bothering when he glanced at the lap times and thought over his mind how the heat and qualifier played out. “And the changes from practice to race time didn’t help?”

“Not as much as they should have or would have normally.” CJ reaches in the cooler, grabbing a water bottle, though not surprised to notice the other cooler was full of adult beverages. That was typical of their fun weekends out. The fun and brotherhood was part of why he loved having Alex as a boss. “Maybe we need to let Alexa take a try at it…”

The comment results in a glance traded between the pair, almost a staring match, followed by an eye roll from Alexa. She knew what CJ was referencing immediately and wished he would just can the topic. It was her decision if and when it was brought up, and she knew the Chili Bowl in the midst of crisis was not the right time. CJ should be focused on the car, and running well tonight – not her. That was why she was trying to allow Alex to focus on changes.

“Does anybody have anything to share with the class here?” Alex questions, causing a mix of shock and anger to form on Alexa’s face. She was hoping that his focus would’ve missed everything, but he heard the comment and saw the facial expressions between the pair.

“Shouldn’t the focus be on getting the car ready for tonight before race time?” Alexa’s spits out, her anger with CJ for the untimed comment seething through. She would slap him if it wouldn’t be more obvious. “This is Alex’s department, CJ. I’m sure he can figure it out. I’ll be back.” She then walks away, knowing if she stayed longer that the slap would’ve been landed.

“I’m open to whatever sugg-” CJ starts, feeling regret as he was just trying to have some fun and crack the pressure a little with the comment.

“How can I focus on the car when Alexa just stormed off, looking pissed off by a simple comment?” Alex questions, arms crossed. Was this conversation really happening? Out of all those around him, CJ was the last he expected to be on the betrayal list. Besides, this wasn’t like Alexa at all. “Oh yeah, and that comment came after a comment from you and an eye roll from her. If there’s something going on with you and my girlfriend, then you should tell me.”

“I can’t believe you’d imply that there is something goin-”

“I heard what I heard, and saw what I saw. There is definitely something going on between you two.” CJ takes a deep breath, which caused a pit to the form in the bottom of Alex’s stomach. Was he actually wanting to hear this response right now?

“I made the comment off the cuff following a conversation that we had at Millbridge, and by her response, she obviously didn’t want me to bring it up – which I understand and regret now. I pissed her off so once I’m done explaining to you, I will go apologize – and double apologize because she’ll hate me telling you this. I’m only telling you because I want to be honest and clea-”

“Just get to the damn point, Leary!” If the pair had kissed or shared feelings for each other, or anything for that matter at Millbridge that broke the bond of the relationship Alex had with her, then he should be finding out right away. Why delay the pain?

“I asked her at Millbridge why she hasn’t tried out one of your dirt cars yet. She told me that the cars are your toys, mean everything to you, and perhaps that’’s why you’ve never offered – something like that, I don’t quite exactly remember. I suggested to her that she ask because let’s face it, you both mean a lot to each other. Why not have your girlfriend who loves stepping on the gas try the most badass toys in the collection? That’s all the crack was meant to be – a little push her way on that regard.” Alex glances down, having mixed thoughts on what CJ had just revealed to him.

Part of him had to smile in hearing of Alexa’s interest in the midgets and wanting to give it a try. Though the other part was concerned as to why she didn’t think he would trust her enough, or why she didn’t have enough trust to ask him. After all, she meant more to him than the toys when it came down to everything and he thought he’d expressed that to her through every experience together. How’d the feelings get taken wrong?

“Alex, are you okay?” CJ questions after a few moments of silence, bringing Alex out of his thoughts. “Like I told you, I never meant anyth-”

“I know, CJ,” Alex cuts him off, taking a deep breath. He honestly felt bad for not trusting CJ for those minutes of doubt now, too. Maybe it was him that got the feelings off the wrong way in not making them truly known or trusting them. “I know that I can trust you, probably a lot more than a lot of people in my life. I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Don’t tell Alexa you told me the truth..” Although Alex then wondered how he’d rectify the situation, let her known of the trust, give her the chance she didn’t think she had and further prove their trust together.

“Alright. Do you want me to go find her, though? After all, I do want to apologize.” Alex nods his head, taking a deep breath.

He knew he could use some more time to himself to think it over, and wonder how to handle things. Why couldn’t girls come to him easy like cars did?

Fast Cars and Fast Lives – Chapter 6: Connecting Over Family and Trust

January 9, 2021 – Las Vegas, Nevada

Emily sits back, smile crossing her face as she watches Noah and his grandma together.

She had heard from a lot of people that he had a good heart underneath everything, and it seemed to shine through every time they visited his grandma. He always made her feel as the main priority, focusing all attention on her like nothing else mattered for those moments. If there was any question about family love, it was all answered in that moment.

Taking a deep breath of her own, she could only wish that she’d get the same opportunity herself – but that wasn’t to be the case. It seemed family wasn’t something known for her, with everything just being her and Paige.

“Hey, are you okay?” Noah asks as he walks over to where Emily was sitting. She simply nods her head, trying to bury her thoughts back into the notebook sitting in her lap. She had originally brought it out to sketch some new designs, but instead started a project of a different kind. “You don’t need ot be afraid to tell me something on your mind.”

“I know I can trust you,” Emily says quietly as she finally allows herself to meet his gaze in return. “I was just totally caught in awe watching you with your grandma. I’ve never seen a guy want to spend as much time with their grandma as you like to do with yours. It’s admirable knowing you make sure to fit trips back home into your schedule just for her. Have you always been close?” Noah nods his head as he sits down alongside Emily.

“I’ve always been close with my family since I was born. It’s why me and Addison share everything, always there for each other no matter what, lean on each other – like you and Paige have always been. Though that’s something I’ve held with everyone in my family – my mother, my grandma, and even my dad sometimes. Knowing we’re all in a similar boat, it makes it easier to understand the feelings.” Emily nods her head, easily understanding. It was why conversation came easy with Paige about insecurities and thoughts, even if she was overprotective. It was why Alexa understood where they were coming from with her own parental difficulties – even if not to their extreme.

“Sometimes I wish I could get to know my family more, wonder if there was others out there. But for the most part, it’s always been Paige and me.” Noah was surprised to hear her start to open up, though the beginning stages made sense. That was why Paige was very protective and curious about Emily’s intentions; while truthfully the big sister, she was the motherly figure in Emily’s life.

“Have you ever looked into whether you have more family?” Emily shakes her head no, though wondered why they hadn’t in knowing Samantha’s background. “I guess that also means I’ll have to answer to Paige should I ever ask for your hand in marriage.”

“Woah there, aren’t you getting a little ahead of yoursel-”

“Trust me, I meant nothing by it. I can assure you that’s not happening anytime quite soon. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to spend as much time as possible with you, though, as I want to get to know you.” Emily lets out a sigh of relief, as definitely going that far would fit the t in falling too fast and she knew that was the wrong path.

“I have no arguments about that, as I keep telling myself how much fun I am having and how I don’t want this to end.” Noah takes a deep breath, wondering if he was going too far in these words. He’d never been this far along in liking someone, so how was he supposed to know boundaries? Besides, he knew he’d question himself constantly until he did ask as he always went for it, whether good or not.

“Then how about we don’t let it end? I can bet that you can probably either take those classes online or transfer schoo-”

“As much as I like spending time with you, I am not changing or putting my career path in a different perspective just for you, Noah. You’re going to have to take that as it is, unfortunately..” She takes a deep breath as she hadn’t meant to come off strong, but she wasn’t about to let another man control what she did in her life. That’s how it all began with her parents.

“That’s fine, I totally understand. I just thought I’d throw the idea out there, incase.” Noah felt like biting his tongue as hard as he could, running away as far as possible, knowing he was definitely breaking too much ice in this conversation. “I’m sorr-”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, as we’re just getting to know each other and understand each other so obviously there’s going to moments of misconnection. Besides, it’s already forgotten.” Noah smiles as that certainly made him feel easier about things. “Speaking of those feelings, as you mentioned, I bet things haven’t been always easy for the family to stick together, though….”

“You mean in relation to my father’s charges?” Emily nods her head, now taking a turn biting her tongue as she wondered if she was pushing the topic too far. She hadn’t known Noah to discuss what happened much. “I will admit that we had different reactions and feelings as to what happened, and followed. However, I never let that change now I felt about Addie and Grandma. If anything, I think it brought me and my grandma closer together. She was asking questions as to how this could happen, wondering if she messed up alon-”

“Given how sweet you and Addie are, I don’t think that’s even plausible.” Noah nods his head in agreement, taking a deep breath as he remembered a couple discussions.

“I assured her of that. Though it seems when others are around us as a family, they look at us different, wondering how we could accept that, be around it. I take time to be with her because I worry about her feelings, and want to take care of her, make her feel special, give her an escape from all those thoughts – sort of like make it okay for that moment, and assure her that things will work out.” Emily smiles as it was certainly a nice gesture, and she wouldn’t minded having someone similar when she was younger.

“That’s adorable, honestly. Perhaps everybody is right and your heart is bigger than you realize.” Noah didn’t know whether to allow his cheeks to go red, or just smile in the compliment. It felt nice as he always tried to do the best he could across the board.

“People are going to say whatever they want about what happened, and considering we’re spending time together, I’m sure you’re going to start to hear it as well. They’re going to judge based on what happened, wonder if you’re similar, and try to strip everything away in realizing you partially got to where you did because of hi-”

“Noah, I think you’ve proven that you’re a very talented racecar driver, and a hell of a stud at marketability.” He nods his head, having felt pride in the strides made in both departments. However, he knew that didn’t matter in the eyes of some.

“But I landed the first opportunity because of the sponsorship backing with my father’s company. I got my feet wet because of that, which is a lot further than others – hence the comments.” He then takes a deep breath. “Though for the reasons you stated, I try to not let that bother me. I try to simply focus on the strengths and knowing that where I am right now with JR Motorsports is due to my success. And while some may want to throw everything to do with my father away, I want to believe that people make mistakes, and deserve second chances. I want to offer that second chance – while being careful at the same time.”

“I don’t blame you in that regard, and I actually hope that happens for you. Though I also admire what you’ve been able to do – in building yourself a better life with finding the right people to support you, and work your way through the pain that comes with what happened.” Noah glances into her eyes, wondering whether it would lead to the door opening with her story, still curious as to what she referred to in Mexico. Perhaps that’s why everything just flowed out, because he wanted to have a closer connection.

“I admire you for your strength to, given the tidbits that you’ve shared in things not always being easy. It takes a lot to stand on your own feet, want to prove yourself without anybody’s help, and you’re doing a helluva job right up with me.” Emily smiles as it was nice to see that recognized, instead of just being Paige’s little sister.

“It hasn’t always been easy. I remember being so shy and scared to talk to anyone, afraid that it’d be worthless due to trust being something I could never find or fulfill. I remember being so sheltered scared to do anything – heck, I almost didn’t go to college for that very reason because I didn’t know if I wanted to be without the shadow of protection. I’m glad I did it, though, because it’s been more rewarding and teaching than I could imagine. But it also makes me sit back and be surprised at how simple things have come with you….” Noah nods his head, having thought the same thing to only reach one conclusion.

“I think it’s because we both feel a special connection in knowing certain feelings from situations, and knowing how to feed off each other in knowing when to push and where not to – well, except for my schooling question.” She takes a deep breath, knowing any usual confession like this would result in her spelling everything about her parents in this very moment. However, the words still would not spill out of her mouth.

“So you understand why I can’t quite tell you about what happened, right? I mean, I trust you and I know that I am safe with you and you won’t hurt me. I know that I feel something special for you and want to be there for you, but I just can’t say it…” Noah wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.

“Absolutely, but I know that I will be here when you’re ready to hear you out and help you by being there for you.” He then gives her a small kiss on the cheek, causing a shiver to escape from her spine.

Was this really happening? Was she truly falling in love after just spending a couple weeks with him?

January 9, 2021 – Dawsonville, Georgia

Paige glances through the bag before her feet, finally setting on the bag of Bits and Bites, pulling it out and opening it up.

“How long is this drive again?” She questions as they drive through the middle of town. She never believed she could give up living in downtown North Carolina to being in small town Georgia. However, she wasn’t about to change it as Chase was right – there was something special about Dawsonville.

“12 hours,” Chase answers as he glances at the GPS to double check he was heading the right way. It had been awhile since he road-tripped to a track, but he was surprised how he hadn’t remembered how to get from Georgia to Tennessee to start. He thought he’d be just be using the directions when he got to Oklahoma.

“And why did you decide to drive out instead of fly?” Everybody always assumed Chase flew everywhere, having his own license and plane handy. He almost followed through with that approach again. Though after checking the logistics, seeing how the week was going to play out, this just made more sense in his mind.

“We’re going to be in Oklahoma for a week, and we’re going to need something to get around. It makes sense to have my own truck, rather than do a rental car deal. Besides, we’re going to Colorado afterwards remember.” Paige smiles, remembering when Chase mentioned those plans in making it up to the cottage for at least a couple days this winter while the snow was nice and fresh. She had mix feelings, wondering how the outdoor activities would go, though knowing some personal time would be refreshing right now. “You could’ve stayed home if you were going to complai-”

“Who said I was complaining? Any time I can spend with you is a good time to me.” Chase rolls his eyes, wondering just how much of that to believe considering the level of questions he had been getting already about the road trip. He could only imagine what she’d be saying halfway through the drive.

“It’s also a good excuse to share with your boss in why you can’t work on stories, rather than telling him the truth.” Paige lets out a sigh, not surprised that Chase made the comment given their discussion the past couple of days. However, against her better judgment, she followed the advice he offered.

“I told him that I was going away for a couple weeks – once again citing the fact we don’t get to spend time together as much as right now. He then told me that he expected his writers to work steadily and such – to which I retorted was never in our original agreement. I then told him how I was shockingly surprised how he had changed the direction of my writing to fit his political, annoying bullshit – and I didn’t want to do that. So he asked me if I was quitting, and I told him that I was looking at other ventures. He fired me.” Chase shakes his head, a little surprised by the whole spree as explained by her.

“He’ll realize in a couple months he shouldn’t have done that when he sees your content missing and watches you rise where you want to.” Paige nods her head, though glances down at her phone in her lap. She had looked into the place that was hiring, sending the required documents in interest of the position. However, she hadn’t heard anything back – making her nervous. What if she hit a wall everywhere she looked?

“I hope….” Chase could see the apprehension in those comments, knowing failure and pressure were two things that came commonly to Paige’s mind, no matter what someone else said in response. It was why he wanted to see her find fun in her writing again, to perhaps release that pressure.

“Give it a couple days as it’s not going to happen overnight. But with the right research in finding the right place that’s hiring fit for you, everything will come together. You’re too good of a writer to not be doing anything.” Paige smiles, appreciating the compliments, though knew they were also being said in the fact he was her boyfriend first and foremost.

“I appreciate the words of encouragement, and I hope you’re right. I submitted my application to the one place mentioned so we’ll see what happens. There isn’t much hiring right now with everything, so who knows….”

“And I told you what I thought about that – I have things covered for you while you take this break and figure out what you want and where you need to be. That’s what we do for each other, we help each other.” Paige lets out a sigh, knowing he meant everything well by those words. But she was Ms. Independent and relying on him for everything wasn’t in that description. Besides, what if something happened and she was stuck on her own? How would she survive without an income? “Paige….”

“As I told you, I understand where you’re coming from, but I can’t just drop everything and do that. As much as I want to be with you and apart of your life, I can’t just drop everything for you. I need my independence and my own feet to stand on incas-”

“Paige, I love you and would do anything for you. You don’t need a back-up pla-”

“What if you get hurt and can’t rac-”

“There’s plenty of money saved up and tied up that could be used. There’s also other ventures that I have. Besides, that isn’t going to happ-”

“I believe that with all my heart, but I still need a back-up plan in case, just for my sanity.” Chase knew what was she was avoiding saying, and understood all the reasons with her background, how she’d ran her life, and everything she’d been through. However, it also cut to the core to know it was in her thoughts.

“You want to have this back-up plan in case things don’t work out with us. We’ve been together now since March – it will be a year in two months in case you haven’t realized. I haven’t ran from you or done something stupid, and you haven’t done so in return. It hurts a little to hear you don’t totally trust things will remain that way with us. I thought you trusted me, believed in me….”

“I do, Chase, I love you with every fiber and know that we have everything together right. I trust my life in your hands – hence flying with your ass despite swearing I’d never step foot inside an airplane. However, I can’t bring myself to totally reach that level and I thought you’d understand out of anybody due to knowing my full story. I’m sorry, but that’s just the reality…”

Chase found his grip on the steering wheel increased a little, trying to blink back every tear that threatened to fall in knowing there was a slight distrust there – even if her reasons were valid based on her past. He hated to open up to anybody, only doing so if he truly believed in someone and knew they’d be there. He’d done all that, beyond his usual limits for months, and yet the wall seemed to remain. It had to sting a little no matter the reason, right?

“Chase, talk to me….” Paige felt her own tears forming, wondering if she’d thrown everything away they had in a simple set of words.

“I understand your reasons, and sympathize with you for what you’ve been through – willing to give you a pass because of all that,” he starts quietly, as he takes a shaky deep breath. “But it still hurts. I don’t trust and open myself up to just anyone, just to let you know – and I hope that means something,”

“It does, honestly. I wish I could just believe everything and be totally free, but I can’t. I can’t let myself enter that feeling, knowing what could happen, what happened. I don’t want to end up like my mother fully dependent on someone to where I can’t get away when I know it’s not right.” She then reaches out to his hand that rested on the center console now, placing her hand on top of it. “I don’t believe we’ll ever come to that, knowing we both love and trust each other so much with our deepest secrets. But that’s my biggest fear, and until I can let that go fully, this is who I am. I’m sorry….”

Fast Cars and Fast Lives – Chapter 5: Social Unrest

January 6, 2021 – Dawsonville, Georgia

“You have got to be kidding me….” Paige comments aloud, immediately catching Chase’s attention away from the midget video he had been playing before him. It wasn’t often that things surprised Paige anymore, and his first fear was to ask what Noah had done.

“Do I want to know?” He questions, not knowing if it was really the right time to comment.

“I don’t care what you think of the election results, who you feel you should vote for or won – I could give two shits about that for anybody to be honest. But there’s got to be a line drawn when it comes to protesting…..” The confused look she was getting in response only meant that he hadn’t cared to look at his phone, which was common when racing took over his mind. “Look at twitter, the news, anything, and give me your thoughts.”

“I know they are starting to count today, but is it that bad?” Paige slowly nods her head with a sigh, as he finally follows the instructions given. His jaw could only drop in seeing the scene unfolding in Washington with people invading Congress. “Okay, I thought things were out of hand with the protests in the streets but this takes it to a whole other level.”

“You’re not kidding me with that statement. I mean, our own government building was just invaded by a bunch of protest – sorry, terrorists. Do you realize the messages that sends around the world?” Chase nods his head, already having his own theories as to what could come in the future.

“Can I say something? I’m actually thankful we had the discussion we had and you’re changing career approaches…” Paige swallows the lump that formed in her throat, wondering how her friends were doing as a couple colleagues whom she had worked with in the past were right now down in the midst of the chaos, simply doing their job.

“Oh, so you can play danger with racecars but I cannot?” Chase glances over, slightly taken back by the comment as he was not expecting that response.

“I have a roll cage and all that safety gear, whereas you just have a pen, paper, recorder, and perhaps tear gas or pepper spray. I think you understand what I mean.” She nods her head, having gotten the idea very quickly. Truthfully, having been in the midst of the Atlanta riots this past summer, it was comforting being at home right now.

“My editor messaged me by the way, inquiring if I wanted to make the trip out to Washington on Monday. I told him that I was not up for taking the story, wanting to savor the couple weeks you had off from racing with you. He was surprised, muttered some things of unappro-”

“Please tell me you said something about those comments.” Paige glances down, knowing she couldn’t bring herself to have the strength to do so. What if it backslapped her in the face twice as hard?

“I told him I was sorry, and would talk to him when the next story idea arose. I guess the next phone call will be to let him know that I am done with the politics, and dry stuff and looking for a new job. But then again, what if I don’t lan-”

“We talked about this, Paige. You’re talented and very capable of telling stories and landing a job where you want with the track record you’ve earned yourself with your hard work. You’re going to be fine. Besides, I wouldn’t take his crap if I was yo-”

“But what if it doesn’t work out and this is the job that I need?” Chase reaches out to her, placing his hand on top of hers. He knew she was probably going to hate and rebuttle these words, too, but he didn’t care. He had to let his feelings known on the matter.

“You know I can support us both until you find something. Money isn’t the object here for you, but rather finding your passion and doing what you want. I’ve got this and I’ve got you, Paige.” Paige bites her tongue, as she appreciated the sentiments and love. However, having to rely on him if she didn’t have something? She couldn’t do that, as after all, life had always been about doing what she needed to do for her, and taking care of Emily.

“I love you, and I thank you – but I just can’t take a handout. It’s embedded into me so I can ensure my survival and wellbeing. It’s always been me, taking care of me. It’s hard to just drop everything and put those reigns into your hands.” Chase nods his head, accepting. It was the same way it was difficult for him to put his guard totally down, and showcase every bit of emotions and everything she wanted to know at once. For him, he was always questioning someone’s ulterior motives. Though he had never done that with Paige, as she never gave him reason to believe that with how guarded she was in her own way. Maybe that’s why they worked – they could slowly build together.

“Just know the offer is always on the table, okay?”

He then retreats back to the video, back to restudying every lap that he could in seeing the lines taken, dirt slung, and watching the hands. Where did he gain something? Where did he lose something, and why? What could he ensure to do better at the Chili Bowl than he did at Millbridge?

**********

January 6, 2021 – Las Vegas, Nevada

“So when do you go back to school?” Noah questions as he walks into the living room.

Emily glances up away from her laptop and the photos she was looking through from Mexico, trying to stop her tongue from licking her lips or jaw from dropping. There he stood with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist having just emerged from the shower after a work-out. She couldn’t deny that he was certainly looking very darling right now, and be the perfect model for her.

“Next week is our first day back from Winter Break,” Emily answers, feeling a little upset as she did so. She was certainly enjoying the time they’d spent together the past couple of weeks, and hated to see it end. How would she survive without seeing him? Oh crap – was she really falling this fast and hard? “I am supposed to head back out to California on Sunday evening.”

“Well at least Vegas isn’t too far from California, closer than North Carolina, so maybe I could come see you,” Noah offers, which surprised Emily. She couldn’t believe he paid for this whole trip and everything, and was now offering to spend more on flights to see her. Perhaps they were both falling too quickly and hard.

“I appreciate the idea, but we both know we need to focus on our lives and you can’t keep throwing everything way just for me.” Noah sits down beside her on the couch, wondering if he had done too much already.

“But what if I enjoy your company? There’s just something different in hanging out with you than any other girl that I have. Maybe it’s because we both know what it can be like sometimes….” Emily lets out a sigh, knowing where he was going in that respect – parents and failed expectations, followed by comments in those around him. While she got it from Paige, friends and others who didn’t know the full story, he was getting it dished at him daily via a legion of fans who had one thought on their mind. “Like I said in Mexico, you don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“I’ve never really talked about it much with anyone – except my aunt, sister, and Alexa but that’s because she knew already due to Paige telling her. It’s almost like if I don’t talk about it, it’s not real and I don’t have to face it, because there’s so many emotions that….” She takes a deep breath, wiling the tears to stay where they belonged. “I just can’t take the thought sometimes because I have so many questions that it over consumes me.”

“So that’s why you let yourself get so buried in your work, your interests, and everything away from any association….” She slowly nods her head, as it certainly fit everything about her perfectly – even if it wasn’t healthy. Maybe that’s why she was falling for Noah so quickly – thinking about him and being with him was another escape. “I consumed myself with the wrong feelings, wrong friends and just took a road that led me to perhaps not be the smartest all the time. It started to bite me in the worst spot possible, at the track, as I’m sure you have heard with my track record of decisions. Thankfully, the right people around me helped me figure that was out before it was too late. Hence dropping some friends and starting to do more for me.”

“That’s pretty awesome that you were able to do that…..” Noah nods his head, as he wraps an arm around her shoulders.

“You’ll find your way, too. You’ll find your way to talk about what happened and deal with it in a better way. Though until then, know that you have someone who can relate, can distract you, and be there for you. I’ve never been like this or with someone like this, but there’s something about you that feels special, and I don’t want to mess it up.” Emily smiles, glad to hear the feelings were mutual – even if she found herself questioning them even more now. What if it was truly too good to be true?

“I don’t want to do that, either, because I can assure you that this trip has been a lot more than I expected, in a good way.” Noah smiles, as that hadn’t been the plan at the beginning – rather just wanting to spend time with a friend he had been texting. Though looking back, he couldn’t had planned it out better himself.

“That’s good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I better go get some clothes…” She nods her head, allowing him to get up and head to the bedsroom.

************

January 6, 2021 –Mt. Ulla, North Carolina

Ryan sits the pair of boxes alongside the couch, shaking his head in pure disbelief. He had just finished putting a pair of boxes in the other room, bringing the total of completed sets to 22.

“Do you realize that most people use electronic filing systems now?” He questions as Samantha picks up a stack of files, opening them to check it out.

“Do you realize that computers can be hacked, and this isn’t information that should be found that way?” She asks in response, to which he couldn’t argue in knowing the amount of confidential issues.

“Do you realize someone could just rob your residence if they were that desperate?” She nods her head, glancing towards the security cameras that she had installed, upgrading the system Ryan was previously using for his residence upon moving in.

“And please don’t give me the worry speech in response to that, now scared of something happening to me because someone wants information or something. In all the cases that I have done, now amounting to seven years of work, I can assure you this is only the third time I’ve been hurt on the job.” Ryan bites his lip, feeling the same riffle of fear that brought the comments to her last week. Did he really want to go back down that road, considering his life was full of danger in high speed racing weekly?

“What happened the previous times?” He already cursed himself for asking, but curiosity once again had gotten the best of him.

“I was trying to sneak into a private office via climbing a wall with not the correct ladder system you should be utilizing. Let’s just say the chair slipped out from underneath me, and bang – I fell and broke my ankle. The other time? I tripped over a rock running away from someone who got curious about my antics.” Ryan lets out a sigh, actually not too scared by either of those instances in knowing they weren’t as bad as the last.

“Has someone ever held a gun to you or took a shot at you?” Samantha shakes her head no, which caused another sigh to escape from Ryan. Perhaps he was being a little overbearing in his worry after all.

“That’s why I run background checks on who is hiring me beforehand, to make sure there’s nothing illegal that I am getting tied up with. I did get close to a mob in New York one time, but let’s just say that was full of dead ends with how they do work there. Ultimately, my client was left unhappy due to no evidence to prove any activity that he wanted.” Ryan was actually surprised by her coming up short, having thought that she was good at her job and always succeeded in finding the necessary information. “This case always broke my heart…”

“What were they doing that was so illeg-”

“No, I’m not referring to the mob one.” She then takes a deep breath as she opens the file, glancing over the notes she had left before filing it away a couple years ago. “This case right here.”

“Can you share any details?” Samantha normally never shared anything about her work, citing the fact her clients and her had a confidential agreement to never be broken no matter what. So for her to open up about her work and share details, even referencing a direct file, was a surprise – and not one he was going to ignore as there had to be a reason.

“A young lady reached out to me, asking if I could find her real parents. She was put through the adoptive system, finally landing her home she came to know when she was 10-years-old. Though about seven years later, everything fell apart – adoptive mother died to cancer, adoptive father committed suicide due to the pain, along with a cancer diagnosis for a friend close to her and just seemingly everything in her life falling apart. Being the age of 20 when she reached out to me, she wanted answers, some definition and meaning to her life. She wanted to find her real pare-”

“Isn’t that information released to the child once they become an adult?” Samantha shakes her head, having learned that very early while working.

“Only if the adoption was not listed as fully private from the beginning, and in her case, it was so therefore they would not hand it over simply. Knowing that I had contacts in the business and can sometimes find some traces of papers, she wanted to know if perhaps I was able to unsurface that information. Ryan, I poured over this for days, months, almost a year – and found nothing. Not a single trace to help tell anything of her story. I filed it away, and it seems once a year, I always pull it out in hopes of giving her the answers she’s longing for.” Ryan could only look on with disbelief as he watched Samantha close the file, place it at the top of the latest box, before shutting it with the lid.

“How many years have you had this mystery?” Samantha glances over, with a deep breath as she somehow manages to keep the emotions in check.

“3 and a half years now. I just wish I could find that for her to help her. She’s currently dealing with a lot of mental health issues, barely making it by. I feel if she had the answers, maybe it’d help seal a lot of that for her. It’s also why I always tell her to reach out to me whenever she wants as no matter the time or day, I will be there for her to offer support.” Ryan smiles, not surprised one bit by the sentiments which Samantha was sharing. Underneath her tough exterior, there was a heart of gold – that had seemed to capture him.

“I hope maybe something will surface. Perhaps a mother will reach out looking for their lost child, and it’ll be your client. And for what it’s worth, she’s lucky, just as I am, to have a friend in you.” Samantha smiles, easily accepting the compliments offered.

“You’re not too shabby yourself, Mr. Blaney.” She then reaches in, brushing her lips against his, easily allowing the kiss to go deeper their arms wrapped around each other.