I hope one day I am stronger than I feel
And I hope that it feels different than today
Following the disappointing news, Devon had to admit that it was tough to get into the Christmas spirit.
It was tough watching all the other parent search through the toy isles for those special gifts without being able to have a child of her own. It was tough to shop for her cousins with that burden on her shoulders.
She wondered how long the pain would last on her shoulders, or whether it’d be something that’d continue forever.
It also was tough to get into the spirit of giving and everything with a level of pain on her shoulders that wanted to make her crawl up in a hole.
Was that something that’d last forever? Or would she be able to find the happiness that she knew before?
Letting out a sigh as she sat around the tree with Ryan’s family, she felt that pity grow more in watching his little cousins crowd around the tree, ripping into presents and take in the joys of the season.
A glance from Ryan and she simply offered a small smile, not wanting to worry everybody else with her feelings. That was something that she wanted to keep private just between her and Ryan. How could she ruin everybody else’s Christmas?
“Devon….Devon….” She hears a small voice as one of the younger cousins runs towards her with a package. “This was under the tree for you. It say from Ryan.” Devon simply accepts the package, glancing over at Ryan whom simply smiles in return.
“I wonder what Ryan got me…” She thinks out loud as she looks towards the box on her lap. She then tears into the wrapping paper carefully, revealing a box beneath the paper.
“This is something special that I’d gotten for you awhile back,” he offers with a kiss. “And I threw in a surprise, as well.” She then smiles back in return, pushing every bit of feelings surrounding the news over the past couple of days that had formed.
“What is it?” His cousin questions as she opens the box. She couldn’t hide the smile that was forming on her face as she noticed the gold chain inside of the box with a peridot stone at the end of it. “Is it green?”
“Yes, it is. That’s my birthstone.” The little girl then looks at her confused.
“Birthstone?” Devon then looks up from the package.
“Each month of the year is represented by a stone. I was born in August so I have the peridot.” The little girl looks at her slightly confused and then over at her mother.
“I born in March…” She then looks back at Devon. “What am I?” Devon thinks it over, trying to remember all of the birthstones.
“Aquamarine,” Karla cuts in with the answer. “It’s a beautiful light blue color, just like the ocean. Perhaps we can get you a necklace with your stone, okay?”
“Yay!” The little girl then goes back over to the tree to search for more gifts as Devon stares back at her necklace in awe. She then noticed the earrings that were in the box with it, also containing her birthstone.
“This is beautiful Ryan,” she tells him as she looks over at him. “Thank you very much.” She then leans in and kisses his lips. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he offers. “I love you. I hope you enjoy them both.”
“I’ll wear the necklace everyday.” She then pulls the necklace out of the box, opening it and placing it around her neck. Ryan then reaches over to help clasp it close.
“It looks beautiful on you.” She then looks back into the box, noticing that the movement of the foam had caused it to come up and reveal some papers underneath. She reaches for the papers when Ryan places a hand on top of hers. “Let’s save this for later when we’re alone. It’s something special for you and me.” She then looks at him curiously, but simply accepts. Knowing Ryan, there was a good reason for it.
After having desert and playing some games, the pair retreated back to Ryan’s room later that night. The only thing that was on both their minds – the box from Christmas. Devon couldn’t help but wonder what was written on the papers that Ryan had wanted to save later.
“Can I open this now?” She questions and Ryan shakes his head yes. She then pulls the paper out of the bottom of the box, unfolding it to read the details on the white sheets.
“There was a reason why I wanted to save this for now,” he offers as she stares at the pages in detail. She flips through them, taking in a couple of words on each paper, as a form of disbelief forms on her face. She slowly lowers the papers down from her face as she looks over at Ryan.
“But the specialist said….” He then curls up closer to her as he takes the papers from her hand, setting them aside.
“They always say that sometimes you need a second, or third opinion. I saw how heartbroken you were that day in the office. I decided to do something about it. I talked to some friends that had some issues with getting pregnant and such, one of those being Samantha Busch. She got me in contact with her specialist, whom agreed to look over the test results from the other specialists and consult those that she needed to.” Devon’s eyes then returned back to the papers as she picked them up, bringing forth the second piece of paper.
“I was told there was too much tissue damage. I was told that I couldn’t. But….” A small smile forms on Ryan’s face as he wraps his arms around her.
“A second and third glance over everything proved otherwise as in these specialist’s minds, you do have a chance to make your dreams happen. It’s just going to take being careful and doing everything right.” She then looks into his eyes as tears form in her own. Out of everything that she could’ve gotten for Christmas, this was beyond something of her belief.
“You were against the idea. You told me that you didn’t want to take any chances. But yet you did this, for me…”
“I did this for us. I understand how heartbroken you are. I understand that there are dangers involved. However, sometimes life is about taking chances and doing what you normally wouldn’t do. I’m willing to take a chance here to make your dreams come true. I want you to be happy.” He then leans in and kisses her lips. “I love you and I would do anything for you.”
“You’re truly amazing, Ryan. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She then leans in and kisses his lips once more, pulling him down on the bed against her.
Maybe they could indeed move forward from everything that had happened. Maybe she didn’t need to remain in a world that she didn’t know what to do.
Be on the lookout for the next story in the series titled Rekindling.