Lost, Dazed and Confused – Chapter 5

Everything seems perfect
Everything’s OK
It will all get better now
At least that’s what they say
But I don’t see it coming

 

 

Devon lets out a sigh as she glances at the computer screen once again, reading what seemed like the 100th tale of the day online.

 

“Why couldn’t this be easier?” She questions to herself as she rolls her eyes. She then closes the laptop before spreading out on the couch, trying to find anything to get her mind off of it.

 

“Is everything okay, sweetie?” She hears from the doorway, glancing over her left shoulder to see Karla standing there. Devon had to hand it to Karla. She was perhaps the sweetest mom that a person could meet. She would do anything that she needed to do for Ryan and her family.

 

“Yeah, everything is fine,” Devon immediately answers without a hint of hesitation. While she had thought about asking Karla her perspective from a mother, she couldn’t bring herself to ask the simple question.

 

“Sweetheart, I’m a mother. You know that I can sense when things aren’t right.” Devon lets out a sigh as she sits up. Maybe this was the door that she needed.

 

“If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell a word to Ryan that I told you?” She didn’t want Ryan knowing that she had told her mother the details of what happened. Karla knew that Devon had been attacked, and the rough outline of what had happened as there was an eventual police report. However, beyond that, there wasn’t much said. This was something that had stayed between Ryan and Devon.

 

“Of course, sweetheart.” Karla slowly walks into the room, sitting down beside Devon. “So, what is it?”

 

“With the attack that happened, I was told that I couldn’t have a baby of my own due to scar tissue. I never thought of being a mother, but it left me feeling empty, just not natural, I supp-”

 

“They say a female is here to bring life into the world, carry life and welcome it into the world. They say a male is here to offer support and love. It’s a natural, respectable feeling, dear.” Given what Karla knew of the attack, she didn’t need to question as to the reasoning. It made sense with what Winston had done to her, something that still made Karla sick to her stomach at the thought.

 

“I’ve done some research, though. There are woman out there who have had babies, whether via surrogate or naturally themselves, even with the scar tissue. It makes me want to be open to the idea, test the odds. I just can’t seem to come to grips with what happened.” Karla shook her head understanding, simply wrapping an arm around Devon’s shoulder. For the most part, she believed things were perfect between her son and Devon. However, she knew that couldn’t be the case, and was finding out now. That didn’t mean that it didn’t have to stay that way, though, as things could find themselves back to a perfect world.

 

“Devon, it’s perfectly understandable that it’s taking you time. You went through a very traumatic event, dear. It’s gonna take time to heal and move forward, especially up in the mind. It’s understandable that you’re wanting to look this up, figure out a way, change what you’ve been told. Have you talked to Ryan about this?” Devon lets out a sigh as she remembered the conversation that they had a couple nights ago.

 

“He told me that I should let the idea go, and it’s okay to feel this way but we shouldn’t do this. He said he didn’t want to take the chance of losing me, again.” Karla could only feel conflicted in hearing those words. Ryan was the type of person to push the boundaries and take chances. Why wasn’t he doing this with Devon? Furthermore, he hated to see any disagreements in their relationship, especially of this serious nature, as they made a great couple.

 

“Perhaps if he thinks about it for a couple of days, he’ll see things from your perspective and at least give it a chance. I mean, what’s the harm in going to see a specialist or councilor to talk about this?” Devon wanted to believe that’d be the case with Ryan. However, she had seen no signs in him changing his demeanor since then, as he avoided the topic at all costs.

 

“I can only wish, right? I mean, I get a Christmas wish but I just don’t see it happening.” Karla wanted to stick with Devon’s words in not saying a thing to Ryan, however she hated to let this go with how they were right now. Perhaps she could do some motherly convincing. “Please don’t say anyth-”

 

“You have my word, dear. I promise.”

 

*******************

 

“So I thought about what you said the other day,” Ryan muses as they lay in bed together later that night. “I know I was pretty quick to turn you down. However, perhaps we could at least think about it some more. Maybe we could talk to some people and see what they have to say.” Devon’s eyes immediately cut to Ryan in hearing the revelation. She was glad to hear that he was at least willing to give it a chance, but now worried that Karla had broken the word of trust.

 

“Let me guess – your mother forced you?” She questions, without a second thought.

 

“No, my mother hasn’t said a single word to me about it. I actually called Elliott the other day and talked it over with him.” Devon felt her cheeks go red immediately, wishing that she could take back the comment immediately. What if Ryan didn’t want his mother to know?

 

“I talked to your mom earlier today because I needed to let someone hear me out, from a motherly perspective. I hope you don’t mind.” While it felt awkward to think about, Ryan couldn’t complain. He knew that Devon was in an odd spot in not having a relationship with her mother, and certainly it was beneficial at times to have a parent to bounce ideas off of.

 

“It’s okay, Devon. I have no issue with you and my mom having that type of friendship together. As long as it helps you and makes you feel better, then I won’t complain. I just want to see you happy.” He then leans in and kisses her lips, lightly. He didn’t want to push the envelope and have her close up due to her fears.

 

“I’m happy whenever you’re with me.” She then curls up with him as they return back to watching A Christmas Story.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s